Today was to be a day of joy
A day to remember the new mark of a new miracle brought into our live
A day to celebrate the power of potential and promise come alive behind the beautiful eyes of a little baby girl

Have you ever returned to your house after being gone for a while and found that you forgot to leave any lights on in the house and while you were out the sun had set and now your wonderful warm home was nothing more than a darkened structure, and you come in arms filled with blessings, carrying your child, or the groceries or the presents for the season that is to come, and you had to stumble around to find a light switch… remember that little anxious feeling that you felt as you slapped around on the wall for even the smallest light to shine upon your path??? And then finally when you found a switch the world before was transformed… from darkness to light…. From the dark and scary unknown to the hope of your love filled house & home.

That’s the feeling and the power of the promise that shined within the eyes and the heart of this little girl who was gifted to our family; to us all; to this world, just a short one year ago today.

She transformed so many people’s worlds she shined as a light in the hearts and lives of people who weren’t even sure they wanted her to come.

The power of her love filled and transformed even those who thought they knew what it meant to be uncle, aunt, grandma, grandpa, brother, sister, family, friend…

SO YES TODAY WAS TO BE A DAY OF JOY

But… its not
It is instead a day of sorrow… a day of pain… a day of tears
For just as the power of her life washed over our world
The power of her death has been even more … more… what’s the word

DEVASTATING
DESTROYING
SHATTERING

The power of her life and serenade of her laughter filled a room with
GLORY
& LIGHT
& JOY
& HOPE

The power of her death and silence that she left fills a room with pain
Pain enough to shatter hearts
Pain enough to break that which NO ONE could ever belief would able to be broken
Pain enough to shatter a family
Pain enough to kill hope
Pain enough to tear and rend and destroy

The Power of This Pain arises on this day to silence the good news and the hope that should have been ours through the gift of this little girl… and the toughest thing to handle is that the silence that has arisen in place of her song, in the place of her hope, in the place of HER… is a life killing, joy slaying, hope destroying silence…

We long for, hunger for, need her song…
but in the empty energy of the space where she belongs
It’s hard to imagine hope arising again.

So no cake today, no songs to sing,
Only silent prayers, and the delicate painful sound of falling tears, and the murmur of many praying for healing and hope to come to life again.

Let’s hope their prayers have more power than the ones we prayed no so long ago for her healing.

I LOVE YOU IZZY
YOU WERE TO BE ONE TODAY
NOW WE WON’T GET TO SEE YOU UNTIL OUR OWN HOMECOMING DAY
REST WELL IN THE ARMS OF ANGELS
SHINE YOUR LIGHT OF LIFE AND JOY UPON THE HEAVENS
AND MAKE THE SKY EVER BRIGHTER
KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED EVER SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GONE
AND GREET US WELL WITH YOUR SONG AGAIN
WHEN IT IS OUR OWN TURN TO MOVE ON