Hi. I'm Jessy. I've been here twice before. It sucks. This time is sucks more-the most.

I got my fairytale, my perfect beautiful baby girl. Her name is Isabella Patricia Muters. She was our princess and she was adored by all. Then my fairytale went to hell. At 9 1/2 months old, my baby got sick with just the start of a low fever. Two hospitals, tons of tests, needles, etc. and the diagnosis is acute liver failure due to Hereditary Tyrosinemia. Oh yea, and my baby was screened for this disease at birth and it was missed. So I enter a hospital and trust my baby's life to these doctors and nurses and I leave with an empty blanket.

She died on Tuesday, Sept. 12. (the same day damn Britney Spears has her baby, thank you very little) She died in my arms, her brain destroyed by lack of O2 and blood because the toxins and ammonia had killed most of it. Too late and too far gone for the liver failure that would have saved her but never came. The only thing working was the mechanical breathing part. She, my beautiful, bright, smiling, spunky angel, wasn't really alive anymore. I rocked her, sang to her and begged her to just drift to sleep quickly and peacefully. It was the worse thing any mother would ever have to go through. I thought my two miscarriages were the worse thing that could ever happen to me. I guess God hates me enough to prove me wrong. I wish I could die to be with her now. I know I can't though because of my adopted son and husband. I'm sooo sick of God taking my babies! This one was MINE. She was mine to keep after he took the others.

So here I am.......again. I really hope no one I know is still here but if you are, please let me know. I had hoped you all had moved on. I guess I could use some company from old "loss" friends.
Love, Jessy

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