So, don't get me wrong...my VT comp. is a sweet sweet gal. She's way nice and our kiddos are about the same age. She's very friendly and all......but she's kind of a "Molly Mormon". Now...anyone who knows me knows that I am sooo not a Molly, and really don't hang outside of Church with gals who are, I'm just not on the same wave length I guess. But..for only having to go VTing with her, its no prob. I just doubt we'd hang out outside of Church functions YK?

Okay..so, today, we are VTing and we get to talking about women working outside the home. She says, "Well, I remember reading a book by so-and-so, and they said that they could trace almost 100% of divorces back to when the women started working out of the home." Ugghh. I said, "Well...I really don't think that just b/c a woman works out of the home that automatically means divorce is in her futire." She said, "Well....maybe." I said "Well..I work out of the home. And I *like* working. I like getting out of the house and being with real adults." She said that she just felt that "women have thier place and men have theirs." And she was going to do all she could to obey Heavenly Fathers commands. She wasn't really sounding all mighty mighty, but....I could tell she thought I was not that great of a mom if I (heaven forbid....) like to actaully be away from my kids and DH every once and awhile.

This is the gal who also taught a lesson in RS a month back about "how to have a happy marrige". She said the same thing then, about how women should not work out of the home b/c they will most likey cause their marriage strife and ultimatley, divorce. Ughh!! I was sooo mad after that lesson. All I could think of was all those poor sisters who do work, sitting there listening to her tell them that their marriage was doomed. One gal actually raised her hand and said.."Um, not to argue, but a women working does not mean that their marriage will suffer and end." My VT comp said , "Oh well..I'm just telling you what's in the manual." Ya right.....

Anyway...I just had to come vent a bit about that. It soo gets on my nerves when I see women like that. Women who think that their only role in life (all beit it is a wonderful role) is to be a homemaker and wife and mother, and never have an opinion, or argue with their DH. They take all their DH says as gospel and never question what they tell them or say.

Okay..sorry..I'm done now. Am I crazy for thinking this? Am I the only one?

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No offence to anyone in Utah- but this is totally something that would be said by someone who lives there. I grew up there, and have only been gone for a year and a half. It seems that some people just have to make things more than they were ment to be. I would be so mad if someone said that to me- more less said it in RS! If she said something like that hear she would have been attacked! It just sounds so judgmental- everyone has a different financial situation. I don't have to work, I did work though as a nurse DH last year of school at BYU- and like you Whitnie, I loved it! My DH and I had an agreement that we didn't want to send our kids to childcare, so if I wanted to work, I had to do it when he was home. Well turns out I "HAD" to go back to work- he was taking a lot of classes and we needed the $$, so I went back to the hospital and worked 6pm-6am and then I would sleep a few hours and then wake up and he would go to class. This worked for us, and it was actually nice for my kids to have some "daddy" time. Our marriage is greay, and it didn't change at all while I was working- in fact it made me look foward to the time I got to see him, and made that time more valuable. I really don't want to offend anyone by the "Utah" comment, it's just things are a little different outside "Zion"

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So, is being in financial straits difficult on a marriage? I think that probably causes more divorces that working outside the home! Sheesh!

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Oh, I think Utah gets a bad rap a lot of the time in conversations such as this. I've come into contact with attitudes like that in just about every state I've lived in. I think you're bound to find it in any conservative religious culture. The best thing I've found is to politely disagree and refrain from hitting them over the head if at all possible It's interesting that sometimes we get our little "pet" things that are the root of all evil--as if life was that simple! Wouldn't it be great if all you needed to have a happy marriage was not to work? I think that's why folks get caught on things. They want one simple thing to hold onto so that they can be less scared about the uncertainty of life. So I wouldn't be too hard on her. Just gently try to lead her to the path of righteousness!!

Marianne

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Terrified, mortified, petrified, stupefied... by you!
--"A Beautiful Mind"

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought her comment was a bit, ummm..out there. I really did hold my tounge well tho I thought. I said, very polietly, that I had to disagree. [biting tounge as I spoke and resiting urge to smack her up side the head. ]

She is a sweet gal, and I know that she means well, it's just that I really don't think she thinks before she speaks YK? Also as we were sitting there, the gal we visit teach was saying how awhile back, after her DD was born (she has a DS and a DD) that she just felt soo overwhelmed with it all, 2 kids, a husband, a house to maintain. She said she started having feelings like she just had to get away for a bit from all of them. Normal? TOTALLY!!!! I told her I too have that sometimes. You just need to be away for a bit, take an hour or two or more for yourself!! Then..my oh so tactful VT comp says, and not really in a demeaning way, just...a 'thinking she is helping but she wasn't' way YK? says.."Well..if we are doing our role, and all we are suppossed to do to follow HF plan, then we won'thave those feelings." I think she realized the error of her ways after seeing thel looks on our faces and she quickly said. "Oh well..if your perfect I mean.[insert nervous laughter here]"

Oh well..at least this month is over right? I don't have to deal with it again til next month.

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Whitney, you are definately not alone. Being a SAHM is not for everyone. It takes a lot of time and patience to keep a house together and watch the kids. Not everyone can do it. I have days where I wish that I was somewhere around adults, but then I think back to the days where there was so much drama at the credit union I worked at and it pulls me back to where I know I am supposed to be. I used to watch 2 kids once a week for a woman in my ward who is pg with her third. She just needed a break from her kids before the new baby comes and I completely understand (especially after watching them!!!). It's fine if she thinks that ALL women need to stay home, but not everyone feels that way and she needs to keep her opinions to herself! Too bad everyone couldn't be rich like her and get to stay home!

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Wow, I don't know that I would have held my tongue. I think it's great that some people have that "blind" faith but I'm not that type and I like to know things and decide what's right for me etc. I think it's great if a mom can stay home and handle it but if you can't you can't. It's not a commandment either as far as I know, lol.

I work outside the home right now myself and have been given grief about it by my sister's in laws. Her FIL asked me if my kids knew who their mom was (had to stop myself from smacking him for that comment) and her SIL was like "Oh, I would do everything I possibly could to not ever have to put my kids in daycare blah blah".

I just know my sistuation isn't their's and what we're doing now is right for us and put's food on the table and pays the bills and keeps us out of the poor house and gives us insurance to see a doctor and stay healthy. Plus I too like to get out and my perfect life would to work everyother day. I get tired of work one day and miss my kids so the next I get to be with my kids and then I'm stressed out being home all day so I get to go to work the next, lol. I might get this soon too!

I have to say that comment that most divorces start when women go to work is bull if you ask me. In fact I think if my SIL had worked even a little bit to help out during the first 5 years of her marriage she wouldn't have had sooooo many issues and problems and my brother and her wouldn't have seperated for a while because of it!

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Shabs
Christopher 4-01
Connor 5-03
Kaitlee 9-06

Brooke and Brennon 11-99

How old is this girl and how long has she been married just out of curiosity?

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Pretty sure she's about the same age as me, so early to mid twenties. I think she's been married like 3 years. They have a little girl Cohens age, so....I'm kinda going off of that.

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She sounds like me when I was a young woman in the church. It sounds to me like she is repeating things she has been told or she is trying her best to tell people what she believes to be righteous. I would chalk it all up to naivety. I used to say things like that too, without having any experience of what I was talking about

We all know that women feel like they need a break no matter how perfectly they are fulfilling their roles..........I liked the way you said....[insert nervous laughter here]

We can all choose for ourselves how we want to run our homes. However, I think we have to be careful not to take offense. I personally believe HF does want women in the home, if it's feasible........because He knows we do the best job!

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HOLLY 37



Dear daughter Kira Jade 2 yrs

Foster daughter B 19 months old
Foster son C 4 yrs old (Down Syndrome and Autsim)Finally learned to walk!! Yay Bear!!

I read this to Dh and he was like "You mean there's really women out there who do that! That would be GREAT!" ROFL!!

I too agree that if you can stay home then that's great and mom's do do the best job. I just don't think a women working outside the home leads to divorce nor that they should be doing it 24/7 without wanting a break.

Dh brought out a good point. Dad's get breaks from work why shouldn't moms. If you make a dad work 24 hours at his job he'll burn out and go beserk, same goes for mom's working as a "mom" 24/7 with no breaks or me time.

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Shabs
Christopher 4-01
Connor 5-03
Kaitlee 9-06

Brooke and Brennon 11-99

I couldn't agree more!!!

I think it also has alot to do with her DH. He's a nice guy as well, but he's the type of guy who gets up at 4am to do scripture study (seriously..she told me he does this!!) then goes to school from 6am til like 3 or whatever, tehn to work till 10pm or something. So...that kinda gives you a clue as to the type of people thy both are. (not saying that gettin up at 4am to read your scriptures is bad, or dorky...just not too many dudes I know that do that yk? )

Anyway....I'm glad I have all you gals to "vent" too. And I'm really glad that you all understand my POV. I'm thinking that the more odd stares she gets everytime she brings it up (and trust me..she gets a few!!)...the less and less she'll repeat it.

That's one sure way to lose sight of who you are as an individual. I think that mode of thinking is an easy excuse to define who you are without exploring and finding out for yourself. Not that I don't like being a SAHM (and most of the time moms are better suited to stay at home than dads), but there are many days I'd much rather be back out in the field. And being a SAHM is not all of who I am. I feel for sisters that live by that way of thinking (mainly because I used to, too). But she's young and hopefully you can gently help her find out that she can be a SAHM and be an individual outside of wife and mother, too. And that it isn't inherently evil to be a work-out-of-the-home mother.

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Angela