right now I feel like if I don't talk to somebody that I'm just going to snap. I'm sorry if this isn't very coherent. I'm just trying to get it off my chest.

I don't know why but I've felt very stressed out these last few weeks. I've been giving dh as much time as he needs to study for his test and I don't feel guilty about that, but I just feel so unappreciated for everything that I do. Also, I've been trying to talk to him lately about thinking about getting pg again, but he is just so against it right now. That wouldn't be so bad, but I have had very strong impressions that it's time to add to our family. On top of that, he makes me feel like i can't even handle one, so why add more? It's true that some days with maya can be very frustrating but everyone goes through it. He's just not compassionate about it at all. And lastly, he's always saying things to maya like "i want to dissect you" or "I'm going to eat your cheeks" or "You have such a fat tummy and a big nose" etc etc. Just stupid off the wall things but are potentially going to hurt her in the long run, KWIM? I tell him over and over and over not to say things like that, but he just keeps doing it. Today maya was having another fit about nothing and I called to him in the other room, "I just don't know what to do," secretly hoping that he'd volunteer to take her to the playground so I could have a few minutes of peace. Instead, he came in to get some headache medicine and said, "see, you can't even handle her." I just said "screw you" because I was really hurt by that. And then maya saw that he was getting medicine and was trying to get him to giver her some and he's like "Yeah, I'll give you the whole box and poison you." That was just so over the top. I know he's under a lot of stress right now too and Maya's fits don't help, but I'm sooo incredibly pissed that he would say something like that. I told him that I was going to buy a plane ticket and go back home where maya and I will actually be appreciated. He just said "Fine." and walked out of the room. I don'[t know what's going on right now. We hardly ever fight but I just feel like I'm at a breaking point. I know he would never ever do anything to hurt me or maya physically, but I'm just afraid that he's going to be so in the habit of saying this horrible things to her that he's going to keep saying them and it's really going to affect her as she gets older. So anyway, I took maya to the playground hoping that a change of scenery would help her attitude, but all day long she has just been have fits over nothing, and not listening to me. I have to tell her seriously like 10 times to get her shoes or to come here or whatever and I probably yelled at her a little too much today. I feel bad about that, but maybe dh is right and I just don't know how to handle her.

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~*~ Katie ~*~






http://thewanfamilyadventures.blogspot.com/

First of all, you CAN handle her. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle, we just have to go to Him for help. Secondly, I don't know your DH or what's going on, but mine is also in school and he has a hard time handling my son with the utmost respect and caution all the time (he's gone everyday but Sunday). We've had arguments, heart-to-hearts, etc. and he's getting better. We aren't as good as having family prayer yet due to lack of motivation vs. DH's schedule, but we do have couple prayer and that has helped tremendously. I can tell you that I was feeling just like you described 3 weeks ago. For me, I wasn't reading my scriptures diligently or having real, heart-to-heart prayers with Heavenly Father. Then something clicked in my and, honestly, my thoughts were "this family is going to be ripped apart if I don't get my act together." That's when I began to get more serious about the basic gospel principles and things have lightened exponentially. And I really mean that!

I think we all have ups and downs. I think they're leveled when we endure to the end with doing the things you learn in Primary or Gospel Essentials. Hang in there. My heart really goes out to you because I know right where you are. You're not alone!

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Angela

I second everything Angela said! I think we all have points in our lives when we feel exactly like you do right now, Katie. Sometimes DH is the most glorious hubby ever and sometimes I just want to scream. I think when both spouses are under stress (DH's test and Maya's "testing" of your nerves!) it can bring you to the breaking point. Take a minute and realize that this is going to pass eventually. I think Angela's absolutely right in saying that redoubling our efforts in the gospel basics really helps in times like this.

I wish I could give you a big hug--I know how you feel right now! And I wish your family wasn't so far away. Sounds like you could use a break!

Marianne

I've totally been where you've been as well! I just have to remember that I have to put my trust in Heavenly Father and as soon as I really do that, I always feel a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders!
Fill your day with good things, read good books, the scriptures, write in your journal, pray, serve others, and love your Dh. My Dh and I have always had a good relationship but it has definitely been tested. He has some struggles that have honestly bothered me and I would pray for his heart to soften or change. I actually just recently realized that those changes will take place between my Dh and the Lord. Yes I can pray for him but ultimately it is him who has to make the effort to go to the Lord. So, now I pray for myself that I can love him unconditionally and support him through his trials. It has helped so much to change my view point on that.
We'll be praying for you and I hope things get better for you soon!! But remember as Angela said, the Lord will not give you more than you can handle. I KNOW that is true!!!

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thank you all for your kind words. It's really given me a lot to think about. Actually, lately I have been slacking a lot on scripture reading, prayers etc, and I think that that definitely has to do with what's going on. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. As soon as dh is done with his test (it's spread out over 4-5 days and covers everything they've learned all year), we will have a sit down and try to figure this out. Thanks again for your kind words. I appreciate it!

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~*~ Katie ~*~






http://thewanfamilyadventures.blogspot.com/

I agree with what the others have said and also want to add that I hope you really are able to point out to dh the type of comments he makes and how negative and hurtful they are! I would be pretty hurt to hear some of those comments, especially about the poison! If he doesn't mean something, he shouldn't say it, and if he does mean it, then he needs to seek some guidence from the Bishop or someone (but I'm sure he doesn't really mean it!) He's probably just tired and doesn't think about what is coming out of his mouth and probably doesn't realize how impressionable kids are. My dad once told me that kids are not worth the trouble, the money, the lack of freedom. He thought I wasn't listening but that comment has been burned into my mind and put tension in our relationship.

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Oh Im so sorry for your stress! I , too, have been through periods of time like you are seeing now. One thing to rmember is that Maya is VERY perceptive. She can feel the tension ...feel yours & your DH's stress level. tahts when she will act up and become harder to deal with. Take a time out for you..take maya out on walks, play with her, and follow the advice the others gave on focusing on the scriptures, prayer, and maybe try to do a little kind deed every day for someone. Service is great to lift a mood! Your DH is stressed..its very obvious. You are, too. Allow yourself time. It will pass. Maybe when things calm down a bit, when you are snuggled up next to him, address your concerns with the things he says to maya in a way he wont feel you are attacking him. Or maybe even write your feelings in a letter & give it to him.
HUGS to you...hang in there- Im sure this is temporary!! Come here anytime you need to vent!

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Mom to twins- VERONICA & LUKA Shayla, Jaron and Sabrina