Hey All!

If you read the long post on my Newbie thread here, then you know I went through some stuff recently and race was the crux of the issue. While a great many of my friends are white, many of them are involved in interracial relationships. With that, there is a lot more that they know about race and culture that I don't have to 'educate' them with. Gosh, I don't even like saying that, but I hope you can understand what I am saying.

With some of my friends, race never comes up and I think that makes them more comfortable...as to how it makes me feel, I'm just starting to think about that. In a simple setting my friends and I can discuss any and everything, however sometimes I get uncomfortable when I hear blatant ignorance, prejudice against another group where I feel like they could insert the word "Black" into their sentence and it would send me to a boiling point.

Without a doubt, we are friends, but sometimes I feel like I have to leave part of myself at the door. Like they accept and tolerate me and I can see the thoughts of "You're not like other Black people" zooming around the room. That isn't how I want to be accepted. Period.

I'm JUST like other black people and other whites for that matter and every other ethnicity. In saying that I mean none of us are all any one way and NO STEREOTYPE is accurate when talking about an entire group of people. The "you aren't like them" is an acknowlegement to some feeling superior to 'them' and feeling like somehow, I'm tolerable because I have more likes and dislikes, income level, speech patterns and what have you, in line with theirs. Does this make sense?

Has anyone else experienced this and how have you dealt with it?

Dyna

I experience it everyday ....

I don't mind educating a person who is interested in learning about the black experience but if someone is not interested .... I refuse to argue about it.

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Diane
Proud Mommy to Dominic Izaiah
June 17, 2003

I have no greater joy than knowing my son walks with the Lord!

i agree with Diana...I don't mind educating a person who is interested in learning about the black experience but if someone is not interested, oh well. i happen to have a best friend who is a white girl. we used to work together and that's how we became very close. we no longer work together but we are still friends. i think we learned a lot about each other's culture. another case is a good friend of ours is dating a white girl. they have been together for about two years now. we all accept her and get together often.

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I belong to an internet message board where I have been almost 3yrs, I would say 80% of its white, the other 20% other (Black, Asian, Spanish etc)...I dont really have a lot of IRL friends But I can answer your question stemming from one event that a close internet friend (white) we even get together sometimes, as she lives in the state under me...commented about me....

I was starting my 2nd journal on the site (we have mommy journals there) and everyone was checking in. This one friend of mine makes the comment :

(this is the comment made in my first journal)
This one made in my new/2nd journal


Ok, granted, its the stereotype that all black people in general listen to ONLY Rap/Hip hop/R&B...but I dont listen to any of that...I only listen to Pop, Rock (different types) Adult Alternative etc. I play the acoustic guitar (which by the way so does Lauren Hill!!!!!)...yes, I have been called an 'Oreo' and at that comment I laugh...I dont see color, yes, its unfortunate that some do, but I dont and I love the way I am...to be honest, the comments really hurt my feelings at first, but then again, no one else has said anything like this to me....so I just brushed it off...most of the people I deal with (that are white and other races) race never comes up and isnt an issue

Wow, Dee. Those are some very stereotypical comments. I wish I could say I can't believe anyone said that to you, ha, but I can. I don't understand why people just assume that everyone of any skin tone are just carbon copies of each other.

I guess so much of it comes from not interacting with each other outside of the workplace. If only we took the time to get to know each other as unique individuals not defined by our "race".

__________________
~Jen





Co-Hostess of Interracial/Intercultural Families

Just butt-ing in...

This thread just hits home ...

I started a new job not long ago... we are 3 in the office. There is me who is white (from the province of Quebec- you'll see it will be of importance somewhere in my post LOL) and married to my husband who is black... there is this other girl who is white (from Ontario) who is married to a mexican and there is our director who is white (from Quebec) and married to a white guy (from Quebec as well)

Ok so that being said... the other day we had an interview for a teacher (we have afterschool programs that we offer to schools in the area) and the person we picked happened to be black...

So me at the other girl are talking with the director about the new teacher's contract and the director says:

"Don't forget to write that "ponctuality" is VERY important"... I think nothing of it as she says it because... obviously working in a school setting and it being afterschool... obviously the teacher needs to be there on time... plus the previous teacher we had to fire because she cancelled at the last minute.

But then the director adds: "Because you know wht they say about black people and being late all the time..."

OMG! Granted my DH says I tend to be naîve and often give ppl the benifit of the doubt when it comes to their actions/choices of words...
But I just couldn't beleive that someone educated... who works in a community centre and who has to deal with ppl from so many ethnicity (we're in Ottawa and its pretty diverse) would say something like that!
Not to mention that she knows my husband is black.

So I am not the kind of ppl to say nothing at all (well it always depends on the situation I guess). So I told her she couldn't be serious...

But you know what... I think she truely beleived this stereotype!!!! Can you beleive that????


But then it reminded me of a convo I had had with her not that long ago... and we were making fun of the english speaking ppl from Quebec and the ppl from Ontario...saying they didn't know how to dress and they didn't seem to care.

Mind you we work with a girl who IS from Ontario...

At the time when we said it... it was just meant as a joke... or a funny stereotype because I know that not everyone from Ontario doesn't know how to dress - Obviously!

But when I was a kid I remember my mom telling me that the english kids dressed odd (and from what I remember they did LOL)

Anyways... I am rambling...

But what my director said about black ppl being never on time... had that good side effect of making me realise that I too have not always been able to look pass the stereotype... even if in my case it was meant to be a "joke"

Not sure I completely made sense LOL

Thanks for posting your story, but I also wanted to say your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Thank You!

You have a future heart breaker on your hand as well...