I have a question about confirmation.

We go to church as a family every Sunday, but I watch my girls during the service, and they don't seem to be paying attention at all. My eldest daughter made her confirmation 3/4 years ago, and it meant nothing to her (like the Holy Communion, she did it for the day..kwim?)...so when Rebecca wanted to get confirmed at a similar age, I said to wait a couple of years. Here's where I have a problem...she has waited the couple of years that I requested, and only knows about the confirmation classes this time around because my SIL is running them. She says she wants to start, but has told me that the reason she wants to do it is just that - she wants to. I told her that's not a reason, and I don't agree with her going unless she wants to dedicate her life to God, and live by his will, neither of which she will accept as reasons.

Now, I am fine with Holy Communion - at age 7, I don't believe they REALLY know why they are doing it, but agreed to it, since we are practicing Catholics and want to raise our children according to the Catholic faith which includes recieving the sacraments. But confirmation, for me, is a completely different story. She is 14, and I believe she should mean what she is saying, and know exactly what she is doing before going through with it. Am I over-reacting? I know during the teen years kids have 1,000 different ideas about faith and religion, but I don't know...I'm torn. What would you do?

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Kara received her confirmation when she was in Grade 7 so almost 2 years ago. I think it is important - what I might do is let her take the classe and then ask your SIL how prepared she feels Rebecca is. I know here they have to write a letter to the Bishop asking him and explaining why they want to be confirmed JMHO Good luck with your decision Donna - knowing some teens though I think you are ahead of the game in some degree as Rebecca wants it I have seen parents force it because it is what is expected and the child doesn't care

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How long is the class? One year? I really wish more confirmation classes were 2 or 3 years like we had in our church. It gives a great background but plenty of time to understand what you are doing. The confirmation classes that I taught the last few years were geared toward 14 year olds and were one year classes. Most of the kids really did change their thinking by the end of the classes. I would let her go through the classes with the understanding that she needs to make the decision to be confirmed for the right reasons by the end of the classes. Does your priest give interviews before confirmation? That was the deciding factor in all of our kids' confirmations last year.

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Because at 14, I didn't feel ready to be confirmed, I skipped out on it. I spent the next several years exploring religion and different Christian denominations and studying the Catholic faith more diligently. Then when I got to college, I joined the Catholic Student association, and was attending masses there on my own, and they were offering a confirmation class out of the local catholic church (the campus had it's own church where we had mass on Saturday nights, and our priest was the priest at the city's catholic church) that us college student who wanted to attend a college student only version of it at the Catholic Student Union (we had a really really great facility, huge big screen tv's, large kitchen where locals from the other church would make us dinner every Saturday night since a lot of us were far from home, comfy couches and just a great place to hang out), I decided I was finally ready to commit my faith. I was barely days away from being 19 when we had the confirmation ceremony.
Father Jack said that he thought it was really great that we hadn't just been confirmed at 14 because everyone else was doing it. Commiting your faith isn't something you should do 'just because everyone else is doing it'.

I think you ought to sit down with Rebecca (I love that name, btw. It's my middle name) and have a discussion about what confirmation REALLY means. I also think that perhaps having her go through the classes, and then at the end, have her aunt tell you if she thinks Rebecca is truly ready to be confirmed.

I believe that confirmation is a really big and quite serious thing, and I really think that 14 (or younger) is just too young for someone to truly understand the commitment they are making to God and Church.

I hope that helps!

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I seem to be in the minority here... but she says she wants to take the class and be confirmed 'because she wants to' which I think is great. It definitely shows that she's interested... and I think she should take the classes and see where it leads her. Maybe all she needed was someone close to her to be teaching the Confirmation classes to get her interested.

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~Brigette

Host of Holiday Fun, Party and Event Planning and Crafter's Nook on Sheknows. Co-Host of Scrapbooking,
Buy, Sell, Swap and Share and the Catholic Board on Sheknows.

What did you decide? Or have you yet?

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"A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." (Eda J. Le Shan)

Sorry - I thought I'd replied and thanked you all for your advice. I've talked to her about it, and told her that I don't agree with the reasons she has given for doing this. But DH doesn't seem to care what her reasons are, he's just proud along with his whole family (including SIL) that their daughter/granddaughter is getting confirmed in the Catholic church - not that I'm not, but I just can't help feeling disappointed that she is taking this lying so lightly. Talk about getting off to a bad start.

DH is throwing her a party afterwards too, like we're doing for Anna's christening, which makes it even worse. Thanks dh . It's so frustrating that he can't see past the "Proud to be Catholic" side of it - am i making sense?? There's no telling him. I've told him what she's said to me, and his response is that if it's what she wants to do, then nothing else matters and why can't I be happy for my daughter. Ugh

Well what can you do. I feel like attending would be condoning what she is doing, but I can't not attend my daughter's confirmation...I guess I'll sit in church that day and pray that deep down she does want to give her life to God and be a good Christian.

Thanks for listening.

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Btw I didn't realise I hadn't mentioned it in the OP - I should clarify by "lying", I mean that she wrote in her letter to the Bishop that she wanted to get confirmed for all the reasons I told her she should get confirmed for, then turned round and told me that she doesn't even know if she believes in God. And again, dh and family have no problem with that. Am I missing something?

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I would be concerned as well. Have you talked to your priest about it? I don't think that it is something to be entered into lightly, but my faith journey took me through RCIA so I have a different perspective.

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"A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." (Eda J. Le Shan)