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Learning to Really Forgive
By Father William H. Shannon
“If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14).
Every day I say a prayer at least seven times which, if I truly thought about its full meaning, would scare me half to death. I say the Lord’s Prayer, in which I ask God to treat me the way I treat others. I suspect—though I don’t like to admit it—that I secretly hope that God will treat me much better than I treat others.
It’s not that I’m a nasty person; at least I don’t think I am. But there are times when I treat others rather shabbily, times when I find it hard to forgive. Oh, I can go through the external motions of being gingerly polite, but rancor may still be there in my heart. So let’s admit it: It takes courage to say the Lord’s Prayer.
In this text from Matthew that we are reflecting on and praying about, Jesus is blunt: If you forgive, God will forgive you. If you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you. That’s it. Forgive, or else.
What does Jesus mean by such strong, demanding words? First, let’s be clear about what he does not mean. He does not mean that our God is a God of retaliation, a God who tells us, “I’ll show you. If you don’t forgive I will get even with you. I won’t forgive you either.” The God Jesus reveals loves us and continues to love us, no matter what we do.
The point Jesus is making is much more subtle. He is telling us that God, much as God might want to do so, cannot forgive us if we do not forgive our sisters and brothers. He is telling us that forgiveness cannot be received by an unforgiving heart.
Receptive hearts
As I write this, I look out the window of my office where I see a cement sidewalk. I think to myself: How nice it would be if I could look out and, instead of seeing slabs of concrete, encounter a colorful group of lovely flowers growing in the middle of that space. I might even ask a friend who has a green thumb to plant such flowers there for me. But, alas, much as he might want to please me, it is impossible for my friend to do so. The concrete is too hard a material to receive the roots of the flowers.
Likewise, a hardened heart can be no more open to forgiveness than concrete is to flower seeds. We need to have our hardened hearts softened and opened by God’s grace so that God’s loving forgiveness can flow into us and through us to others.
Gift of Tears
Do you remember the story of the Israelites in the desert protesting to Moses that they have no water to drink? God ordered Moses to strike a huge rock with his staff and, behold, water gushed forth in abundance. Early Church writers often prayed for the gift of tears that would open their hearts and enable them to receive God’s loving forgiveness. Indeed, in an older Latin Missal there was a Mass for the gift of tears. (This Mass has been revived in the New Missal and is to be released soon.)
Though the new Missal is not yet approved for general use in the Church, it was available to the U.S. bishops when they met in June 2002 to discuss the clergy abuse crisis. Before the meeting ended they celebrated the Mass for the gift of tears. The opening prayer is strikingly beautiful and pertinent to the focus of their meeting:
Almighty and most gentle God,
who from a rock made flow
a fountain of living water
for your thirsting people,
draw now from the hardness
of our hearts
tears of sorrow
that we may weep
for our sins and,
by your continued mercy, brbe ready to accept their pardon…
The situation may well arise when this lovely prayer will prove to be helpful for any of us.
Discussion Article - Forgiveness
