More than feelings
Two teenaged girls were having the following conversation:
“You know, 15 was awful for me — I felt inadequate — like I had absolutely no self-esteem — it was terrible!”
“Well, you seem O.K. now.”
“Yeah. But, I’m 17 now. Now I know exactly where I’m going. You know, I feel really great!”
Self-esteem should be more than a feel-good phrase. Everyone feels confused or lost at some times and “really great” at others.
You might feel inadequate even though you have many admirable traits, regularly help others and try hard to do the right thing. On the other hand, you might have a high opinion of yourself, but you may be overly self-absorbed, rarely thinking or caring about others.
Whatever your feelings, your innate uniqueness and worth are God-given. Treat yourself as the irreplaceable person that you are. Be honest. Improve what you
need to change and what you
can change. Instead, of seeking impossible perfection, grow closer to the best person God knows you can be.
A healthy sense of humor helps keep things in proportion. After all, knowing, loving and fulfilling yourself is not a goal achieved once and forever, but part of everyday life. Consider these ideas:
- Celebrate your strengths.
- Cultivate acceptance and self-respect.
- Recognize and appreciate your accomplishments.
- Value and express your own thoughts and opinions.
Beloved, build yourselves up.
Jude 20
Make the most of mistakes
Character is simply habit long continued.
Plutarch
A medical student cheated on the first lab quiz of the year. Her instructor noticed and warned her. After class, the student sought out her teacher to say how ashamed she felt.
“This is healthy guilt,” writes author and therapist Joan Borysenko.
The two discussed why the student cheated, the pressures of medical school, how to ask for help, and the student’s personal insecurities. The student resolved not to cheat again.
“This process of responsibility, self-inquiry, and letting go of the past renews and deepens self-respect,” says Dr. Borysenko. “It is called forgiveness. Forgiveness creates a shift in perception that permits us to see our mistake as an opportunity to learn rather than as proof of how ‘bad’ we are.”
When you hurt others, own up to it. Apologize, make amends and determine to do better. Remember that good people sometimes do bad things. Accept your limitations while still trying to improve what you can.
“You aim for joyful acceptance of who you are,” writes Father John Powell. “You can’t love everything about yourself, but you have to accept it and be joyful about it…because God accepts you that way.”
We love because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19
The late Cardinal Basil
Hume of England recounted this
story about God’s loving generosity:
“A man who became a prominent
Christian said how his idea of God was
revolutionized as a little boy when he was
taken to visit an old lady and the old lady
pointed out to him a text on her wall: ‘Thou, God,
seest me’ (Genesis 16:13). She said to him,
‘You see those words? They do not mean
that God is always watching you to see
what you are doing wrong. They mean
that He loves you so much that He
cannot take His eyes off you.’”
When you are hurt
The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
William James
You’ve probably been hurt at some time by the uncaring or unthinking actions of others.
It’s not good to quickly “push away anger, hurt, resentment, or fear after experiencing a major shock to your self-esteem,” says Joy Davidson, Ph.D
Try writing a letter — not to be mailed — to the person who hurt you. Express your uncensored feelings. After all, you’re the only one who will see this letter.
“It’s better to write: ‘You’re selfish and I hate you’ than ‘I’m hurt, but I know you have a right to your own life’,” says the psychologist. “There’s no payoff in blaming yourself or in holding back your not-so-nice feelings….
“Letting go is like a dance—for every step forward you must also take one or two backward or sideways,” she says. “Once you recognize this, you’ll be less likely to expect too much of yourself too soon. And you’ll be able to see and savor your real progress.”
In time, you will be able to let go of the hurt and get on with life. Forgiveness can help heal.
If you forgive others…your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14
Getting beyond “I”
Which is more important to you? Is it the way you look, or the way you look at the world? Is it a face gracing the mirror, or facing life with grace?
Anonymous
Gospel Herald suggested tips for “How To Be Perfectly Miserable.” Ask yourself if you:
- talk about yourself
- use “I” as often as possible
- listen greedily to what others say about you
- expect to be appreciated
- are suspicious, jealous and envious
- never forgive a criticism
- never forget a service you have rendered
- shirk your duties if you can
- do as little as possible for others
- love yourself supremely
If this sounds like you, fair warning. On the other hand, you may be perfectly miserable because you never think about yourself and your needs. Or, you relentlessly critique yourself or take on too many duties. Strive for more balance. Think of others without neglecting yourself.
All things work together for good for those who love God.
Romans 8:28
Between parent and child
If you want to feel proud of yourself, you’ve got to do things you can be proud of. Feelings follow actions.
Oseola McCarty
“We are the initiators and models of our children’s self-esteem,” says Stephanie Marston, author of
The Magic of Encouragement. “And while we can’t teach what we don’t know, there is good news: If, like so many of us, you have arrived at parenting with feelings of low self-worth, take heart — there are innumerable opportunities to counteract your past by making changes in the present.”
To thrive, children need parents who:
- are emotionally available
- accept them for who they are
- offer warmth and love
- are supportive and genuinely appreciate each child’s strengths, accomplishments and efforts
- have rules and set limits
Parents influence how their children think about themselves and the world around them. Mothers and fathers also encourage the development of their youngsters’ characters, including conscience and such virtues as courage and generosity.
Good example and shared experience assist parents in helping youngsters grow morally and spiritually. Teachers, coaches, religious leaders and other adults also play a part.
Ultimately, each of us is responsible for ourselves and our choices. According to one educator, “Good character consists of knowing the good, desiring the good, and doing the good.”
I delight to do Your will, O my God.
Psalm 40:8
Knowing the good
Do not look for Jesus apart from yourselves. He is not out here. He is in you. Keep your lamp burning and you will recognize Him.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
How necessary is it to develop spirituality?
In Twenty Things I Want My Kids To Know, Hal Urban describes how he was profoundly influenced by renowned religious writer Thomas Merton. “He says we too often focus our lives on the immediate satisfaction of material things. We ignore our spiritual nature because it isn’t something we can see or touch, so we think it isn’t real.”
Your body and mind need nourishment. So does your spirit. Urban believes that your spiritual journey can help you discover “the time-honored values of honesty and kindness.”
A new heart I will give you and a new spirit I will put within you.
Ezekiel 36:26
Article - You're One of a Kind
