Expecting too much from a child?

thepeach80 · #1 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 12:02 PM

Anyone have any good books on what should be expected from our children when? Or a website or just help in general? Sometimes I feel like I expect too much from AJ, but at 2.5 he understands what I'm saying and should know enough to do it and promptly. That's not too much is it? Is it too much to expect him to remember what I told him to not do and to not do it the next time? I just get so frustrated parenting a toddler sometimes and of course the world I think tends to be more lenient saying they're too young etc. He's a smart kid though, knows colors, numbers, and letters so he's not slow in any way.

He doesn't like to think though I don't think.

Evan is my thinker and far less mischeivous than AJ ever was or is! What about punishments at this age? We generally do swats on the tush, but again, sometimes I feel like I'm punishing him all the time. Maybe this is just how 2 yo are!

Anyways, I know I've been gone a long time. Things are good. The boys are growing like weeds. Evan is doing better now that he's just on formula (I had to wean at 12 mos b/c of his allergies) and rice. He's still on his reflux meds too, but is finally almost 20# (may be 20# now) at almost 14 mos! The same size AJ was at 8 mos.

pwfaith · #2 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 01:04 PM

Awww Jennifer I know exactly what you mean. I don't know of any good books or anything but just know how you feel. Gwen's the kind of kid where you can discipline her once for something and it will be a LONG time before she does it again. Pretty honest, if you confront her she'll tell you the truth. Daisy on the other had, UGH! This week is a prime example. Started with a wk ago Sat. she cut her own hair, 2 days later found a permanent marker and wrote on the walls AND furniture, couple more days later asked if she could get some grapes, told her yes and she comes back with chocolate all over her face, same thing the next day. Discipline does not work the same for Gwen as it does for Daisy at all. I think we're still trying to find what works with Daisy. When asked why she does things, she just says "b/c I wanted to" I can't seem to get her to understand she can't just do what she wants, when she wants, simply b/c she wants to do it. I do feel I'm at a loss with her right now. We've tried spanks, time outs, taking things away, etc. She missed out on cake 2 nights in a row b/c of disobeying us. So far so good today so maybe it's helping a little. Parenting is trial and error at times. What works for me and my kid, could or could not work for you and yours, kwim? I think it's partly the age, partly temperment/personality, and partly other things. We were VERY consistant with Gwen when she was little but not so much with Daisy, so I think partly it's also our fault. I wonder at times if I expect too much of Gwen b/c she seems rather mature for her age, but then I talk to other moms with kids her age and they're doing the same stuff - whiney, over-dramatic, etc. It's hard to know at times. Just know your not alone!! I look forward to reading other replies see if anyone knows of any good resources.

*Kerry* · #3 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 03:44 PM

here's a good website: http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

thepeach80 · #4 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 08:10 PM

Thanks for link, I'm definitely going to check it out!

Daisy sounds just like AJ! We tried when he was little to keep him from things so we wouldn't have to punish him b/c he was so curious and wanted to touch etc. He knows not to play w/ the DVD player, but constantly does it b/c he's tired of watching the movie he JUST picked out and then he shows Evan how to play w/ it too.

Evan is my thinker, I think he's more sensitive and is just now finding things have buttons. By this time we had already hidden all the buttons on the house and AJ knew how to work the TV and remote!

I keep trying different things too and I never know if I should or not b/c of consistency. He does usually respond when I say do you want a spanking, but I hate to have to say that every time he needs to do soemthing!

O.K. I was reading the site and this really spoke to me. I know I need to spend more time watching the kids and interacting better and this struck me.

If you find yourself disciplining a lot, it is a good indication that you are not watching your child, so you are not, in turn, being consistent.

thepeach80 · #5 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 08:18 PM

O.K. I'm reading more and I'm not sure if I agree w/ some of this. I don't know, maybe that's why my 2yo is crazy!

I don't see the need to fight w/ a 13 mos old for 2 hours just to teach him to come to you! Yes, babies need to learn, but come on, 2 hours and making the baby cry and swatting his butt that many times?!

*Kerry* · #6 (**permalink**) 02-01-2006, 08:40 PM

when it comes to that website, I am a dropout

but, I still do recommend it. every so often, I get brave enough to go over, gain some more info and try to apply it.

There are women who are successful at this, in that I mean extremely consistent. They SKIP THE TERRIBLE TWOS! wouldn't that be nice?! And, their home life is full of joy and is peaceful. the kids are happy and as a result the mom and dad are, too. The testimonies show that the children are obedient and pleasant to be around and they grow up to be wonderful adults.
they say the hardest work is those first few years.
I'm sure there will be plenty of people who will run screaming in the other direction, like I do sometimes when I read the website. But, I believe that most of the advice is great and Biblically sound as far as I know.

matthew · #7 (**permalink**) 02-02-2006, 04:51 AM

Im no parent (thankfully) but am around kids a lot and from what i've seen kids will always resolve to see exactly how far they can push you and if you let your guard down once be prepared for lots of hassle. It does take a lot of time, effort, discipline (for all involved), steps backwards and determination but when you find one that you think is right to teach them, stick with it. It will work in time.

One that i do know works is counting to 3. The kids get to know that arriving at 3 is not going to be good for them but its also giving them a little room to play up. Kids are going to play up (especially if they have that seemingly unbreakable determination) so its giving them a bit of space but knowing that 3 is the limit to behave. Obviously you dont let it be counting for ages but over say 5 seconds.

Another one is rewarding them for little things like brushing their teeth, clearing up, eating fruit etc. Get a chart and put different stickers on for each one and when they get to a certain point they get a treat. They will see they are being encouraged for doign what they are told and also if there is more than 1 kid the other will try a little bit harder as he/she wouldnt want to not be rewarded as well but will know they they have to earn it.

Im not saying that these are guarenteed to work for you and it has taken the parents a long time and many setbacks for them to be a success but its worked.

There is a book called boundaries for kids that is meant to be very helpful.

God bless,

Matthew

Lauren2be · #8 (**permalink**) 02-02-2006, 05:23 AM

Here are two great books that I think you would appreciate. Both books are by Dr. James Dobson, Complete Book of Baby & Child Care from pre-birth through the teen years. The other book is Bringing up Boys.