Well I finally got off the bc pill! Not really on purpose either it just so happened I was on 6th month waiting list to get in to see my doctor for another perscription and ran out before. It worked out really well though as my son is now 20 months old and now would be a good time to think about having another. I am so ready to be pregnant again

My dear husband on the other hand does not really want to have any more kids. What a shock that was to me. To think I have been with this man for 12 years and we were on the same page for years about having two children and now he has decided he doesn't want anymore. The worst part is his reason why which is I quote "I can not work the job that I do if we have another child" Just so everyone knows we work the same job. We manage a hotel together. I just don't know what to do. I mean it seems soooo silly to me not to have anymore children because you feel it will compromise your job. What is life really all about then.

I'm sad, I'm hurt, and I'm down right peeved off. When I even mention having another child he just says are you nuts I'm not stupid I learned my lesson the first time. (I'd like to know what he did LOL)

I have no intention of going back on the BCP anytime soon and I have told him this but I don't want my best friend in the whole world to hate me if we do happen to get pregnant. I mean I won't manipulate him to get what I want in this matter but It still could happen then what....

What would you do if you were in my shoes? How do I make him see he doesn't have to give up his job or me mine if we had another child? How the heck I'm I going to get myself out of this mess without hurting my marriage?

Well if your 20 month old is like my 20 month old, I know exactly where your DH is coming from. This is a very hard time with little ones. This time can be very exasperating.

My husband would've been happy just having one child. Mind he is excited about the prospect of having another child, he just never really cared one way or the other how many kids we had. However he knew from the beginning that I wanted two.

If it was me, I would find a time that it is just the two of you and it has been a non stressful day for you both, make sure that you have enough time and not to rush. You need to tell him, nicely and calmly, that you have always wanted two babies and that you thought he was on the same page as you. That you need to talk to him because this is killing you and you need to understand where he is coming from and hopefully he can see where you are at.

Who knows maybe it is just right now he is not ready for another child. Maybe in a few months he will be.

This is a hard situation. I don't think it is fair to force someone to have more children that they don't want but it isn't fair to you to deny yourself the family you have always wanted.

Good luck.

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Snowy days!



Jennifer (37) & Chris (41)
Alex 3.5
Teagan 1

I think Emaline has given you some good advice. But I would also make sure you have thought out reasons why both of you can continue working and have two kids. When you talk, find out why he is so stressed about a second child (other than the job thing) and discuss that with him. Do you tag team parent? Perhaps he is feeling overwhelmed when he is alone with your child and can't imagine taking care of two. Be prepared to come up with a solution. Is he worried about money? Take a realistic look at your finances and see how much more a second child would cost. If need be see what extras you can cut out in order to accomodate a second child.

Finally, if you honestly no longer wish to be on the pill, be honest with him about that. Hormonal birth control does affect your body. Second child or not you are entitled NOT to have to take the full burden of BC on yourself.

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Asexuality: It's not just for amoebas anymore

"As long as two people love each other I don't think God cares whether they both have a hoo hoo or a haa haa" Marge Simpson

I can totally relate, as we are having similar issues. Although DH does want another baby "in theory," we are currently disagreeing over the timing, and during these discussions, I get the sense he'd be much happier if I told him I never wanted to be pregnant again.

But we are still talking, and that's been the key here. Maybe the issue with your DH is timing, as Emaline suggested. I know DH can barely keep pace with our 21-month-old, and she's an angel of a child! Maybe once your 20-month-old is a bit older, he'll feel differently, but do keep talking. It's always worth it to try. (And maybe try some more. I feel like we've been having our discussion since DD was born!)

Hang in there!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions everything helps at this point. I do know money is not the problem and our bosses are soooo great we work when we wanna work it is really good. He feels that he does not have time to have any more kids with our current job. He feels the hotel takes up to much of our time and we should not bring another child into our hectic jobs. We just don't see things the same way at all.

I just want everyone to know I would NEVER force my DH into having another child by just planning it without him. I would never do that to him or the child.

Perhaps he will feel differently in a few months but I can honestly say he has felt this way since Mr. B was born I thought he would have already changed his mind but it hasn't happened. We will have to have an "adult" (hehehe yeah!) conversation about it. Perhaps then we can explore both sides of the dilemma. I do know I'm the one that caves normally but I don't know if I can on this issue it is really important to me that Brendan be raised with siblings. It is important that he have that support group when he is feeling all alone. Heck I have a younger brother and sister we are all buddy's. I just have to make him understand how important this is to me. Its not like I have ever made this a secret.

had my first "real" check up since Mr. B was born today Dr. Advised I say off the pill for a while. As you can imagine that went over really well with DH. I have already been off it since the 17th of January but she suggested I stay off it for a while yet and just give everything a break. (it makes me kinda sick) I went in for a check up and walked out with three perscriptions. Nasty. Oh well life goes on.

Thanks tons and tons girls for listening to my banter.

I never wanted my kids too close together. if it were me i wouldn't want to be pg chasing a 20 month old

I have no sympathy with your husband over the BC issue. There are other methods of BC out there. I hope you find some resolution soon.

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Snowy days!



Jennifer (37) & Chris (41)
Alex 3.5
Teagan 1

Maybe he just isn't ready to have another child yet. Give him some more time.

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Well, I think once you get over your initial hurt and shock you should sit down with him. And when you do, really listen to what he has to say. Don't let your own emotions make you deaf to his feelings.

He feels the hotel takes up to much of our time and we should not bring another child into our hectic jobs.

This is a legitimate feeling. Does he feel like your child now suffers because of your jobs? If he feels that you don't have the time to give attention to one child appropriately, let alone two children, he has a valid concern. Have you tried to see things from his perspective?

Your other child is also fairly young and I'm sure very exhausting. He probably can't imagine having two of them running around! Maybe once your son is older he will feel a little less overwhelmed about having another child.

I think you both have important feelings. I think it's wrong of him to write off ever having another child. I also think it's wrong of you to be so angry at him when he is thinking of what's best for your family.

Good luck!

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She Knows fosters the sterotype of stay at home moms. Women with kids sitting on the computer racking up thousands of posts. Do you have bon bons next to your keyboards? Stop being internet whores and start being mothers.

And please, for the love of everything good in the world, STOP posting your kids' photos, names and birthdays on the internet. That coupled with your last name and where you live is giving some pervert a map to your front door. Not to mention you are robbing your child of their privacy and not teaching them a thing about protecting who they are. And THAT is bad parenting.

And finally, it's a message board, it's supposed to be fun! When it stops being fun, leave. There are some people here and I can't imagine why they stay (EM). I don't know how this is fun to you. And maybe some of you can't stay away but I can. And will. Thankfully, I have a life in real life. This is fun, not validation.