My mother in law in a pretty messed up person. She didn't raise her sons because she was on drugs and jumping from man to man. I married her oldest, the on she likes the best. Ever since we have been married, I've put up with thing like "Kevin, I don't think the kids our yours" and so on. She hates me, and I am ok with that, doen't hurt my feelings one bit. I am not to fond of your either. Now let me get to the problem. We have three beautiful child as you can see in my sig. I made a rule when I had my first. That the kids were not to be alone with MIL. She smokes pot and other things. She has all kinds of strange people at her house. I am not going to put my children in danger like that. I never said she couldn't see her grandkids. We call her when we are coming into town and ask if she would like to see the kids. Usually she says she's busy. We take the kids to see her and she is more then welcome to come up and visit us. She won't. In the 6 years my an DH have been married she's been to visit us once. Well, we got an email from her saying she is taking us to court for visitation rights. If my kids are allowed to go to her house alone, I don't know what I will do. She has the attition span of a 3 year old and won't pay attition to them for long. I am very worried about this. My DH says she's just blowing smoke.

Sorry I ramble so long, just upset. I know I look like a mean person by what I said about her, but I promise it's all the truth.

I highly doubt that she will get visitation rights especially if you have a good reason for not wanting her around the children alone.

My understanding is that visitation rights for grandparents is hard to get and is usually only given if the grandparents can prove that they have been a substantial part of the children's lives since birth.

If she really is the kind of person you say she is I doubt she will follow through with what she says and if she does I highly doubt that she will win any type of visitation rights alone.

__________________

Allison
Mother to Jessica, Joshua, Hannah and Nickolas

And another thing she's doing is making my DH feel guilty about not being able to be with her for a laparscopic (sp) surgery she will be having the day after I have my hysterectomy (which has to be done like a c-section, due to scar tissue.) I told DH that he can go if he wants, but he said he wants to stay with me. But she's calling him saying she might die and all that. I am so sick of her!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I just need to vent. I can't talk to my DH about his mom this way or actually I don't want to. I know he loves her, she is his mother and I respect that. Tell me if I'm being a ***** or if I'm right.

I believe the Supreme Court recently passed something that states that grandparents do not have rights to grandchildren. Plus if she is so messed up like you say then I doubt she would do it, I think your hubby is right, she's blowing smoke. She seems like everything is about her. I live next door to someone who is a heavy drinker, drugs, etc, we share a yard so I am forced to have some contact, though it is minimal, but everything is about her and everything in her life is drama and chaos and it is always everyone elses fault. I also grew up in a household where my older brother had a drug and alcohol problem. She sounds like that personality. She is probably making a fuss about your kids and a fuss about her surgery for attention. I totally think you are doing the right thing, be cordial but from a distance. You don't want to coddle her because people like that just want to suck the life out of you. I think it is really great that you respect the fact that your husband loves his mom. You sound like you know what is best for you sometimes evryone needs to vent. Good Luck with everything! Jen

Thanks so much. I don't get a chance to vent about it much. I do put up with a lot from her and I can only take so much before I need to vent. I usually end up looking like the bad guy, because I stand up for what I believe and I will do anything to keep my kids safe. His family just says I'm being a ***** and I think I'm better then them. I am so thankfull I have a place to vent.

They probably just don't want to really deal with the problems so they appease her but I know what you mean about standing up for what you believe and getting crap for it. But you know what feels right for you and I think you are setting an excellent example for your children by doing that! Jen

thank you so much. I really needed to hear that. Do you know my in laws, because you are hitting the nail on the head. It's so great to talk with someone who knows what I'm going through.

There are always going to be people like that out there, I know it is especially hard when it is family because you have to deal with them to some extent. You just need to keep up what you are doing ,don't compromise your judgements and morals to appease someone else. Always do what is best for you and your family! Jen

I feel for you. I think you already got some excellent advice so I'll leave it at that.