I am new here and I was hoping for some advice...
I am 27 and have been married for nearly 4 years. I have a fantastic husband who is supportive and loving. The past few years have been difficult with infertility issues (mine), miscarriages, IVF, etc. We are finally adopting and things are going well, just waiting for our baby to come home. I am sure all of this contributes to my confusion.
Lately, I have had incredible urges to have a "one night stand" or "fool around" with someone. I have never in the past cheated on my husband and have no desire to leave him, I love him very much. I just feel like I am having a mini life crisis. He works A LOT and is very much into his career. I am very nervous about becoming JUST someone's wife and someone's mother and not being seen as sexy or attractive anymore. At times, because of the fertility issue, I feel like I am damaged and who would want me? So when someone shows interest, I really enjoy it. By nature, I have always been a very flirty person and from time to time have had crushes on people. However lately, there is someone on my mind A LOT. I cannot seem to get him out of my head. I fantasize about him all the time and am constantly trying to think of ways to get to see him. Sometimes I think if I see him more and the mysteriousness is taken out of it, I will get over this obsession. Other times I just want to be near him.
He is my husband's co-worker. When I first met him, our interaction was no different than any new friend/co-worker I would meet of my husband's. Generally, his friends are flirtatous and we have a mildly flirty relationship. My husband is 100% ok with this, he enjoys that I am flirty. However, over time, it started to feel different when I'd flirt with this particular man. He reciprocates the flirting as well, although I can't tell if it is innocent flirting or not. When I go out with friends, he often tells my husband to have me give him a call so he could meet up with us. (He's single and always teases me to bring some single friends to hang out with him and his friends). When I see him out, we hug, give a quick peck, or sometimes if the bar is crowded, he holds my hand so he wouldn't "lose me." I enjoy this way more than if anyone else did it.
He and another co-worker of my husband's joke and say "too bad we didn't know you before you met ____." Or tell me I am beautiful. In itself, these comments were not all that unusual as we are all flirty and sometimes they say these things in front of my hubby just to tease him and they would all laugh. However, I cannot get this one man out of my head. I really think that if a situation presented itself to be with him, I would take it. Lately, I have been trying to think of ways that I could create a situation to occur. I feel really badly, but part of me thinks that I should just get it out of my system, that it would be a last hurrah before the baby came. I know that sounds bad, please don't be too harsh, I am just trying to look for some advice. I doubt that anything would ever happen, he would probably avoid a situation like that since he works with my husband. I just feel really guilty because I want it to happen. Part of me thinks that it would just get rid of the chase effect and I would be able to move on.
I am sorry I have rambled on and on, I just was hoping for some input.

If I were in your situations I would try to cut myself off from DH's co-worker. Because I know if I ever did anything like that to DH he would leave me in a heartbeat. And I wouldn't want to break up my family.

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Bee....it seems to me that your deep issues here are that you are needing some personal intimate attention and your d/h is not giving it to you.

Feelings of having an affair, feeling flirty with someone who gives you the attention you are lacking is certainly normal. You are not alone in feeling those things. The difference is what you DO with those feelings.

If I were you I would make the time to have at least a couple of hours alone with your d/h so that you two can talk. Let him know how much you love him and tell him that you really miss his attention. Tell him the things that you need. You don't need to 'confess' your thoughts of his co-worker, you didn't cross the line so there is really nothing to confess (in my opinion). But the advice from another poster on here to stay away from that co-worker is very good advice.

Turn your 'affair' thoughts towards your husband and leave him notes to meet you places, 'sneak' around with d/h as if it were an affair. Put some spicy lingerie on when you crawl into bed. Send him suggestive emails at work if you are sure he wont get in trouble. Some work places monitor email.

If all he does at first is make comments thats cool(as long as its positive comments) ...its probably new to him for you to do these things and he may be a bit surprised and need time to process it. Remember, men are wired way different from us gals. They are conqurers, warriors, fixers...etc. Not romantics like us. Although there are some pretty romantic guys out there...but they are still guys! Hee hee

Hope these things help,
MK


I hope this helps

Im with littlemsmom. Completley cut yourself off.You said it yourself you love him.You dont want to lose him.