Hi there,
It is actually find how I stumbled onto this post.
But your stories sound all too familiar.
I find myself here because I have been doing some investigating of mine own about the H and his internet issues.
My investigating has lead to an email and a profile name, of which is pamperedone.
So as I search this person out I find that someone with that profile name is on here touting off about it.
If it is you, you know who u are as I have contacted u via email numerous times with no valid response.

And yes in my opinion chatting via typing,voice or webcam is all cheating.
In my experience in tracking these sites in my quest is this.
They mostly are ALL married, are completely vulgar and are not looking to just be content looking at a photo or typing some words.
It is about interaction on an intimate level which indeed is Betrayal.
I wish you all well.

First off, I hope things are doing better than when you posted this. I noted a lot of strong opinions stating you should be upset or that you shouldn't or your insecure. Facts are, no one can tell you how you should feel. Only you can decide that for yourself. If you feel it is wrong or that it's cheating no one is going to change your mind.

Every relationship is unique. For some couples, what goes on online stays online. For others, anything involving anything with another person is cheating - plain and simple.

In my own relationship, pornography is not an issue. My future husband is more apt to want to watch it with me, as opposed to alone. However, if I got on his computer and found something like that I would not lose all trust in him. There were plenty of racy pictures on that site and it really didn't differ too much from your standard porn site, other than you had free access to various pictures. You can contact the girls and purchase services, but you can actually do that on a lot of sites. If money starts coming up missing that's big reason to worry. However, hopefully that has not happened. Another thing that would worry me is that he lied.

I know people brought up that vows were taken, but all people look at others that they find attractive and fantasize. That's normal. Additionally, pornography on it's own is not bad. It's only a problem when the person pursuing it doesn't know when to say when. If you're in a relationship and the person you're with doesn't understand why you don't like them watching/viewing pornography and refuses to stop or lies about it then it is obviously a problem.

So, to answer your question, I can see where you are upset. Would it upset me? Only that he was not willing to tell me what he was doing until I stumbled open it. I would not assume that he is spending his time with or fantasizing about another girl when he was with me. I would still be able to trust him. However, I have not been in this situation. I recommend trying to explain how you really feel.

A relationship without trust is no relationship. It doesn't matter why trust was compromised, the point is that if it cannot be fixed, you need to reevaluate and consider what is best for you.

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This is a defnite red flag for me in my book? As others have mentioned this is an Adult site to meet escorts or women of that sort. This is not just porn its cheating. Its a definite Non-no in my book.

I personally don't mind it too much if DH is looking at a little porn... as long as it's done tastfully. As far as I know, he doesn't do it very often. As long as it's not illegal (kiddy porn) I'm okay with it... as long as it's not all the time. I often fantasize while in bed with my husband... some times a little innocent fantasizing helps spice things up. Both my husband and I are very open about what we do on the internet... but I don't like someone over my shoulder reading what I write LOL

Okay, I just read a little more thouroughly... adults sites to FIND a real person to meet is a little... creepy?

Again, a little porn IS okay with me. My husband and I also know each others passwords... we don't hide much from one another.

Something to consider (which is a lot cheaper than a hacker) is a keylogger... roughly $40 and is undetectable! You can get it in minutes if you have a credit card and records EVERY key stroke... even backspace... so you can tell what's been deleted.

No advice but I thought I would send you if you want to talk just PM me..been there, done that...didn't buy the shirt because it was ugly!!

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I stumbled on here and saw I posted back in May. Haha. I agree with the poster that put ANYTHING on a sexual note hidden from the spouse is adultery. You don't have to have sex with someone for it to be adultery. My DH and I will occasionally throw in a video to spice things up, but that is between us as a couple, and while it might not be the most "moral" thing to do as far as church beliefs and whatnot. I think it's a good compromise. DH gets a treat once in awhile and he doesn't feel the need to sneak behind my back. And I will agree say, it is NOT an insecurity to not want your man sneaking at night looking at nasty nasty porn sites while your sleeping. That is wrong behavior. And if my DH did that, he can go find the girl on the site and get in her bed. Not mine.

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Melissa

My late husband used to go to topless restaurants with his friends. He always said he didn't care about the women's boobs; but, still went there. We were married for 24 years when he passed away.

My DH went to stripclubs for "lunch" with his business partners in his previous marriage and lied about it to his wife. If I EVER found out he partook in such behavior in our marriage, he'd be out the door. Out of line. (For our marriage)

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Melissa

My late husband went to topless restaraunts with his friends; but, I knew about it. I didn't particularly like it; but, accepted it. However, I don't think I would be able to accept a strip club.