Hi,
I'm new here.... I had to come and post because I think I'm going to lose my mind. Exactly 2 weeks ago today, my husband of 3 years told me that he does not love me anymore and wants a divorce. I have a 20 month old son with him and I'm eight months pregnant with our second child (it was planned!!!). We get along very well, there's no fighting (we were friends for a long time before we started dating 8 years ago) but he just doesn't love me that way anymore. He says he's been trying to make it work for the last 2 years (when he figured out that he didn't love me anymore) but he just can't do it anymore. He swears that there's no one else, and I really don't think that he's cheating. The way he explains it that his mother walked out on his family when he was eleven and she moved to Montreal from Winnipeg, which left him with abandonment issues (which I already knew about). He says he married me because he knew that I would never leave him and he needed that security. I feel like I've been taken advantage of. I hate him right now for doing this to our children. He doesn't want ot go to couples counseling (I've been doing individual therapy for 6 months and he has for 3 months) because he says there's no way it will ever work. I've been completely shut out of the relationship and have no means of getting it bcak. I'm crushed for my children.
He says he wants us to live together as long as we can for the children but I just don't know what to do. I'm pregnant! I'm angry at him for not waiting until we had the baby to tell me this (and by the way, why did we get pregnant the second time around if he didn't love me??) I'm worried that my state of mind is going to affect the baby. I've felt like throwing up for the last 2 weeks, I have no appetite, but I force myself to eat for the baby. I just don't know what to do, feel or think anymore. Help!

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Hi. I'm so sorry. I don't understand why men hurt the people that love them the most. Just know this, there is a man out there who WILL love you and your children. I don't know if you are a spiritual person, but there is a plan and a reason for everything. Hang in there and I hope and it works out for you. Take care of yourself and your little one.

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Melissa


My princess Emma Marie is HERE 5 weeks early!

9-17-07
6lbs 4oz
17 .25 in long...

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...




The best kisses ever...

WOW~ i would be crushed also. he sounds like he is in a whirlwind, not sure how to feel? sometimes men don't have filters so they say the wrong thing at the wrong time and they can be hurtful.

sometimes i just don't understand men, so i don't have answer to why he wanted another child. i came from a divorced family both my brother and i feel our childhood was fine even tho we were one of the few divorced families back then! my father wasn't around no one to show my brother guy stuff. so we did guy everything camping, fishing, sports, you name it. the fathers of family friends always included my brother. though things turned out differently for your husband that doesn't mean your children will have the same effect.

my uncle did live w/ his wife tho they were divorced. eventually they made her an apt in the garage and as there son became older she found her own home. i have another friend who is living with his ex-wife tho she is now gay. nothing wrong with putting your children first if you can.. i wouldn't be able to, seeing how my mom survived w/o my father made my brother n i stronger. we watched hands on how she worked hard to make our family happy. I have more respect for her then anyone in this world ~ she made a home for us, changed her life so we could have what we needed. How did god help her? She has a wonderful husband now. He is so great to her, my brother and I!! you would think we were his kids. Not saying that I don’t care about my father but my step-father has cared and taught us more then my father. Every family is different.

As the days roll by know in your heart that no matter what happens you are a positive wonderful person and you will make it through this. I hope reading a lil about what others have gone through will help you stay strong, sure there are bad days but they make us who we are.

I am always here PLEASE email PM me what ever anytime. There are a lot of ppl out there willing to help don’t be afraid to ask EVER!~

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jacqueline~

hi williamsmom, it's been a few days since you posted your message. how are things going for you? sorry you have to go through this. the next few months are probably going to be very challenging for you but as with most challenges, you don't loose something without gaining something in return. Take the necessary steps to redefine your perception of yourself and your place in this world and you'll find the love and peace you deserve! may God bless you and your family.

I hope that you can work something out. I'm sorry!

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Wow, that is a lot to have to deal with. I am sure you will be able to stay strong and brave enough and you will come out on top. Just think in another year from now, your life will probably be much better and you will be much happier.

Sara

Hi everybody,
Thanks for all the positive words and stories. You're caring and concern have really meant a lot to me.
I have been talking to my husband for the last few weeks, and we get along better now than we did in the last 6 months. We plan on getting along for as long as we cn so that he can maintain daily contact with the kids. He told me that his children were the most important thing to him in the whole world and he didn't want to lose them. He has so many activities going on right now (hockey, volleyball, drinking-boo...) that I can't be sure that he means it. Why?? Because this weekend, he came home at 6am after being out all night. He has done this before and he knows it's not OK with me. I wake up to pee a few times per night and when he's not there after 3:30am, my mind starts going crazy. We've been down this road before..... He told me that it was very important to him to be able to come and go when he pleases, which I told him was a non-possibility for me. So, last night, he announces that he's going to move out because all I want to do is control him! He promised me that he wouldn't stay out all night when he did this a week after he told me it was over - and now, 4 weeks later, he's changing his mind. I cannot believe he is being so selfish! He can't even wait 6 months to a year (like he promised) before we have to deal with it. I'm putting my self aside right now for the kids and I'm willing to make sacrifices to make my son/children happy and he can't even do the same. It's shocking, I really thought I knew him.
In a way, I hope he leaves soon so I can get myself back on track and not have to deal with his crap.

Anyhow, time to get back to work.... Thanks again for all your support.

williamsmom

h

i'm sorry you have to deal with this cuz it isn't gonna be fun. my ex was a drinker and he would do the same thing to me

i think the last thing you said about taking your life back, is the best advice a girl can have. i know you don't want to be selfish but i think you need to, for your kids and your own sanity. your children will be happier if you are happy. my divorce was the hardest thing for me. we were together for 12yr a life w/o him seemed crazy and at first it was, BUT all my girlfriend said "take your life back" get control don't let him control you. play hard if you have to, it might hurt but take the upper hand when possible.

keep busy, that would be my next advice. when the children are not around or until the new baby is here. hang with girlfriends, try yoga for moms to be, learn to knit, anything but thinking to much. talk with as many ppl you feel comfortable talking to. just remember down time really can bring you down if you think to much about it, you'll just worry.

i wish this type of stuff didn't happen, you really do think you know someone untill BAM they throw ya a curve ball and it knocks ya out. stick to your guns don't let him come n go as he wishes, how will that be helping the kids. don't let him control what is going on. he seems a little unstable right now and that could reflect on the kids. let him go, take back your life, make new friend keep the old, and try and keep your spirits up.

oh have you talked with a therapist, preacher, any professional? i had during the begining it really did help put things into prospective. i'm always around if you wanna vent~

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jacqueline~

this may shound harsh but tell him to you don't need the stress he is putting you under anyways.

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I know it's been a while since you posted that, but I'm going to respond, anyway. I wonder what has happened since your last post.... I have to agree with the PP. He's acting like he's 21 with no responsibilities, and that is not okay. Sometimes, when people have kids and a spouse and a home, they come to a point where they wish they had experienced more as a young adult. If he has friends that have no kids and are going out all the time, it only contributes to the problem. But you know...he chose this life and he can't take it back now. I'm sure that he loves you and your kids more than anything, but he's not really acting like it. He doesn't have the right to act like a child. He's disrespecting you and the children, and he needs to know that it's not okay. Make him move out. He wants to "come and go as he pleases," well, SCREW THAT! This isn't just his life. Don't let him have his cake and eat it too. If he wants to be a bachelor, let him go be a bachelor. He can spend time with the kids and be a father when he starts acting like one.

I'm probably sounding mean, but my mom is exactly like your husband, and it's so unfair to everyone. She and her husband (my step-father for the past 20 years) are going through a divorce right now, and she only thinks of how things affect her. My step-dad lets her do whatever she wants and if he keeps doing that, she'll never realize what she's done.

I hope everything is going well for you.

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I hope everything worked out for you. And by that I dont neccesarily mean you got your husband back, but that your happy with yourself and your kids.

I went through something similar with my husband and while the results were very hurtful to me (at first) i learned that there was something I needed to work within with me. I had gotton so involved with my past and how i was treated as a child (very hurtful and long story) i forgot about how much i actually wanted my marriage to work. I also realized that in my state of mind all i really needed in mylife was me. Not saying this is your case, just wanted you to know alot of women go through what you're going through right now.

I did get my husband back...but I also got my life back. So hopefully "it all works out for you" either way.

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I am sorry. I hope things work out.

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WOW...what an incredible story...i am now getting back on the boards after over a year of being MIA...I hope this lady is still around, gosh it was over a year ago since she posted this...if you still read this, hope you and the kids are doing well and have started a new, refreshing life...take care!