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Coping with divorce and pregnancy
This is a discussion on Coping with divorce and pregnancy within the Prayer Requests forums, part of the Members Area category; I'm facing the hardest time ever in my life. Just days
after conceiving, my husband told me he wanted ...
I'm facing the hardest time ever in my life. Just days
after conceiving, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. (We were
actively TTC.) We talked and talked and agreed not to give up on us.
Christmas morning, I found out I was pregnant.
Two weeks ago, he told me that he wants to go to marriage counseling.
Last week, we went for the first time and I felt it was pretty
successful. He agreed to hold off on amaking any decision until this
summer, after he completes his internship (he's in grad school).
Sometime over the weekend, he decided that it's not fair to keep me
hanging on waiting for a decision and he said he thinks he should move
out.
I'm completely devastated. I'm a mess. My parents are very supportive
and told me I could come back home once the baby's born (I can't
rightnow b/c I need my health insurance while I'm pregnant, though I'm
in a job that I hate.)
I now know what purgatory is first hand. I know I'm not the first
person to ever go through something like this, but I'm terrified. I'm
losing my best friend. We've been married a year and a half, together
six and a half and known each other almost 10 years.
He says he feels he got married too young (29) and that he feels like
his life has been set for him. He's always changing his mind about
what to do w/ his life and feels like now he HAS to settle down.
I've always supported his decisions and been there for him. He says
it's not fair to continue dragging me around. He worries that if we
stay together, he may do this again and hurt not only me, but our baby
as well.
So he's going to move out in 2 weeks. He told me to go ahead and get
my own bank account and to switch money over. He said he'll transfer
our savings to me.
Today he has his first counseling appointment just by himself. I'm suprised he's going, but pleased. I hope he doesn't bail.
Maybe I sound calm writing this, I don't know. I can tell you that I'm
not. I spend hours a day crying. I spent my entire lunch break today
crying. I wish I could just sleep through the next 7 months.
Maybe the concept of graduating just has him a little shaken right now. Kind of like a midlife crisis kind of thing. He has to decide what he wants to do and where to go. I do hope that he went to his appt. Please let us know if he did. Have you told him that you dont mind waiting out to find out his decision and pour out your heart to him about how much you love him? Maybe he needs that confirmation that you really care about him. Also let him know that you will do whatever it will take to make your marriage work. The first 0-2 years was roughest for us. 1 1/2 weeks from now we will be having our 4th anniversary. if you can make it past those first few years- and you grow and learn as you go along- it gets a lot bette.r I hope that he will keep with the counseling and that you two stay married a long time and raise your baby together and have a happy family
Amanda
__________________
Formerly~Stressedmama/Amanda81~
Amanda-Happily married to James (2/01)
Mom to Sarah 5/98, Mikayla 5/01, Tyler 10/02 and Noah 10/03
and expecting a surprise August 2005.
Please don't give up, Honey.
I can only imagine how badly this has hurt you and I am so sorry.
Please try to stay calm because of the baby. He may find himself in therapy and things could change. Hang on to that.
I know guys have a hard time with "responsibilty" when they first get married. Mine felt he wasn't good enough and hr felt like it was too much for him. We went to counseling and talked things through and he realized he couls handle it and I realized it had nothing to do with me personally. It was the stress he piled on himself.
You can talk to me anytime.
I have written you down in mt prayer journal.
I am thinking of you.
I know its been awhile since this was posted but I just thought Id say that I hope your pregnancy is going well for you and things worked out for you with your DH.
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Your in my prayers. It's terrible I know but yor life is not over. you've got a beautiful precious child waiting to be born. things will work out and god does have a plan. we are here to see you through it.
I am going through something similar. I am 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child. My husband told me 3 weeks ago that he doesn't love me anymore and wants to separate. Our daughter is 2 years old. I have spent a lot of time crying and not sure what to do. I guess I can't do anything- he doesn't want to go for counselling. I didn't know anything was wrong- we have been married for 3 1/2 years, together for 8 and we rarely fight- have always been best friends.
I never in a million years thought this would happen to us- I thought we were happy. He still says I did nothing wrong, I was the perfect wife and his best friend, he just isn't in love with me and he doesn't think it is fair to either of us for him to stay.
He is moving out in 1 month- already has an apartment. He has already started the separation agreement, so before I deliver, I will have to get a lawyer, go through a separation, look after a two year old by myself, change of ownership on assets, etc.
I hope I'm doing this right, it's my first time on one of these.
To the girl who orginally posted, and the girl that's 6 months with 2nd child, I too am in the same boat. My husband went through this last year, questioned whether or not he loved me anymore, and I was heartbroken. It completely surprised me, even though we had problems, I thought we were ok. He started counseling alone, wouldn't go together, and we separated. My 2 year old and I moved to my parents, but after about 2 months, he called asking for another chance.
We reconciled, and things truly seemed to be on the right path. He swore he was over it and would never leave us again, and here we are, almost a year to the day later. I have worked really hard on the things that I did to contribute to our issues, which, while aren't perfect, are tons better, but I guess it wasn't enough. I was the only one working, and am now 5 months pregnant with a baby girl.
I don't feel equipped to handle this right now. At first I was in denial, called a counselor and made an appt for us together, thinking it would be ok, that he is just having a mid-life crises or something. The more I am honest with myself, I think - who would do this to someone they love? Who would choose the moment when their wife of almost 5 years is 5 months pregnant with their second child to revisit this?
I feel myself wanting to shut down and let it go, but I know that for the kids, and for me, I can't. I'll try to wait out the counseling, the only problem is, a marriage is hard enough without only having one person fight for it. It takes two sets of hands to hold on when things are tough, and I just don't know what to do. I can't fake it and wait, and everyday feels like an eternity now, waiting for him to say something to make it all better or erase it all. I keep thinking 'he's just not that bad of a person to do something like this,' but maybe he is...
Pray for me, pray for strength and forgiveness for me, and for my babies.
Coping with divorce and pregnancy
Noah Samuel
