I am just starting the process and will not see the doctor till next week. I am 34 and my partner is 35, I would carry. We are wondering what the cons/pros of different insemination processes as well as using known donor vs sperm bank (frozen/fresh).
Any advice is appreciated... We are not young but stable and secure in a progressive neighborhood.

Hi there!
First of all - you're younger than my partner and I were when we started so don't stress too much about that. You will probably hear a lot about how your chances decrease as you get older but don't let that discourage you!
There are a million different answers to your questions. It really depends on what you & your partner feel comfortable with. Fresh sperm is best, they say, but we used frozen from a bank in CA. We wanted an unknown donor (actually willing to be known) because we want our son to have 2 moms and no one who he considers dad. That's just works for us. One of my best friends has a son with a known donor & that situation works for that family.

Best of luck on your journey! Glad you found us - ask all the questions you have. This is a great group of women!


-

__________________
Laura
DW Carolyn
& IVF Miracle Caleb Atticus

Younger then us too!!!

We used unknown too, for the same reason. However we could not find one tt was willing to be known that matched our criteria. It really has to be a decision you AND your partner are ok with.

We ended up doing IVF and it is the most quickly successful way. If you have the $ and/or insurance will help I would say go straight to it.

Please come and join us on the chatty thread!

__________________
Patty 37
DW Julie 40
"domestically partnered" since 1994

Fresh is more effective than frozen, but frozen will work just fine for most people. IVF is more effective than IUI, but much more expensive and invasive, so most people try IUI for at least 3 cycles first. Known donors (a friend or someone off the Internet) works for some people and is way cheaper, but there are a lot of issues to consider. It seems to work out fine most of the time, but if it goes wrong, it can go very wrong. There have been cases where women have sued donors for maintenance, or donors have sued for visitation, so you need to check the law in your state.

I don't think permanently anonymous donors should even be considered. Some donor-conceived people could care less about their donor, but for some, it's a huge huge deal, and they are very unhappy and in some cases angry about not being to find out who he is. I wouldn't want to have to explain to my own children that there's no way for them ever to find out who their genetic father is. In some countries, donors have to be ID-release, or they simply can't be donors. I think it's likely that everywhere will be like that by the time your children grow up.

PS, if you want a gay donor, you could try the Rainbow Flag Sperm Bank. They tell the mothers who the donor is when the child is three months old.