need some support

MaxMom · #1 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 08:25 AM

Hello,

I'm new to this site -- I've been looking for a forum like this for a while. We're in month 7 of TTC, and I'm starting to lose hope. 4 Home inseminations and 3 IUI's (two with Clomid). I know many of you have probably been trying for longer than that, and it doesn't seem like that long. I just don't know how to keep the hope alive. Every month is just so painful. And the money!!! I don't know how much longer I can emotionally and financially deal with this. How do you keep the hope alive?

Thanks for any words of support.

Max

swell22 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 09:07 AM

Max - You have come to the right place! We have only been able to try once, but I do understand your feelings of hopelessness. I think we all go through periods like that. When I get that way, it really helps me to hear about women like us who have been through so much, but in the end got their baby!

There are lots of women on this board who have overcome struggles to get their child (or children!). They are great support and it always gives me hope to think that if they can do it, so can I!

Go ahead and jump in on the chatty thread - ask questions, vent, whatever you need! Someone will be able to help.

Glad you are here. Where are you in your cycle?

MaxMom · #3 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 10:02 AM

Thanks for the kind words.

I'm at the end of 2ww right now, but I'm pretty sure its BFN. I had a chemical pregnancy earlier this year, and have none of the symptoms. I tested earlier this week (before I knew I should, but...), and I'll test again tomorrow. I'm also on progesterone, so sometimes the side effects can mimic early pregnancy symptoms, which is horrible! I keep thinking, "maybe this isn't side effects..." only to be disappointed.

Fortunately my partner is wonderfully supportive. I know this is hard for her, especially being so out of the loop physically (although she comes to appt's whenever she can), and feeling "inadequate" about not being able to get me pregnant herself. That part never bothered me at all, but I can understand her feelings.

Sometimes it seems like my straight friends are getting pregnant left and right, without even trying. One of them just last year said she didn't want kids because she didn't want to "lose her figure or free time" (ugh!) and now she's due in October! That part is really hard.

But I do have another lesbian friend who tried to have a baby for so many years, and is now blessed with a wonderful 3-year old. With PCOS, it was very hard for her to get pregnant, so I often think of him and try to keep my hopes up that way.

Thanks again for the support. I'm glad to have found y'all!

Max

A Squared · #4 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 12:31 PM

Hi Max!

You have definitely come to the right place. There are a lot of great women here who are very supportive.

When it's not happening, it is so frustrating. I totally understand that feeling. In my last, successful, cycle I was not very hopeful. People kept telling me to have a more positive attitude but I just didn't think it would work, but I thought that I better try the FET and then move to another IVF cycle. Now I am pregnant with twins, so you never really know when it might work.

Are you under the care of a reproductive endocrinologist (RE)? What testing have you had? I highly recommend an RE b/c of their extensive knowledge of infertility.

Well, good luck and join us on the chatty thread.

swell22 · #5 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 12:32 PM

I know exactly what you mean about straight friends getting pregnant left and right. Everywhere I look I see pregnant women. My cousin who can't afford the one child she has (her situation is really ridiculous) is now accidentally pregnant with twins. I teach in an urban school district and I always have 5 or so pregnant teenagers. It's just frustrating! I'm with you!

My partner has the same feelings of inadequacy. I've never felt that way either, but I can understand the way she feels.

Keep hanging in there. The 2ww isn't over til AF shows. I know lots of stories of women who were pregnant when they were positive they weren't. Keep us updated.

LauraH · #6 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 04:44 PM

Max. I'm glad you found us. Sorry to hear about your struggles. We have all been there in one way or another. I TTC for over 2 years & there were many times when I thought I couldn't go on. This is a great place to vent and get support.

MaxMom · #7 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 09:39 AM

Thanks, all.

Well, I tested today... BFN. Not surprised, but still disappointed. That means I'm going off the progesterone and regroup for another cycle.

To answer some questions, I am working with an RE. She diagnosed me with PCOS, but I'm not really sure I agree with the diagnosis. I have very few of the symptoms needed for a diagnosis, and I'm wondering if she's just trying to get insurance coverage for me. Other than initial regular work-up, I haven't had much other testing. I do also have a chronic bacterial infection on my cervix which doesn't seem to want to go away despite 3 types of antibiotics. And I've also had low-grade abnormal paps in the last year. The doctors keep insisting none of that should prevent me from getting pregnant.

I stopped drinking coffee a year ago, I hardly drink alcohol, I exercise regularly, I see an acupuncturist and chiropractor, I chart my temperature, check CM.... I feel like I'm doing everything "right," and yet... nothing. It's so frustrating!

Max

2moms2be · #8 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 11:21 AM

Max- Welcome! You have definately come to the right place for support! I'm glad you found us!

I know how frustrating it can be. I also was diagnosed with PCOS, and I did not have that many of the tell tell signs either, the BEST way to know if you have PCOS is through an androl (sp) folical count. Did your doctor count your follies after a period and before putting you on any drugs? If so and you had more then like 8-10 (I think, number could be off slightly) then you are PCOS regardless of your other symptoms or lack there of. But there is definately hope for PCOS. (take a look at my siggy

for me too!)

Just know that you ARE doing everything right and you will get your baby one way or the other.

MaxMom · #9 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 12:12 PM

No, she didn't do any testing at all. Just "noticed" more than one follicle on an ultrasound one time. She actually didn't even tell me about the diagnosis -- she just circled it on the paper I was supposed to take up front to schedule my next appointment. When I saw it, I went back and asked her about it and she was rather dismissive, listing some symptoms she had noticed. So she doesn't seem very concerned about it. I just wonder if something is really wrong and I don't know what it is. For example, I always have cramping off and on during the 2ww, and it seems abnormal to me. But no one seems to think anything of it. I don't really know what to think!

A Squared · #10 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 02:43 PM

Max, I think it's weird that your RE did not discuss your diagnosis with you. This seems like an important thing to do since it will affect your treatment. I think cramping during the 2ww can be normal if you are on progesterone. I've had it. I discussed this with my doctors and they said that although it seems like it would be a problem for implantation, it's not.

Sorry about your BFN. They are very frustrating and depressing. Keep pressing forward and I bet you'll have your baby. Sometimes these thing just take time.

WannaBMom74 · #11 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 03:12 PM

hello welcome I was told I had pcos like symptoms because I had a very high antral follicle count something like 20 + but was not actually diagnosed with pcos my re put me on Metformin you might want to ask re about it. good luck to you I hope you get your BFP soon

Care75 · #12 (**permalink**) 07-09-2007, 03:15 PM

Max-

I'm sorry you've been down such a long and tough road. IF just sucks! And sorry about your BFN!

I wish your RE would be more forthcoming with your diagnosis and what all of this might mean. Can you schedule a sit-down appointment with your RE to discuss this?

Unfortunately, though, sometimes even good RE's don't know the exact WHY of everything. I knew nothing of my egg quality issues until after my IVF cycle.

I know the feeling of doing EVERYTHING right and still not getting any results. It's very frustrating.

I agree with A about the progesterone. My nurse said if you're having cramping while on the progesterone it means that the medication is working properly and being absorbed properly. So this could be the reason for the cramping- if you are on progesterone.

MaxMom · #13 (**permalink**) 07-13-2007, 06:53 AM

Thanks, everyone.

I'm now on day 3 of my cycle. We're trying another clomid IUI & home insemination cycle. If nothing comes of that, then the RE wants to have a sit-down. I'll look forward to finally asking all the questions that have come up from the thread. It's frustrating that I only get to talk to her through the nurses!

I've been wracking my brain thinking about the "why's" for all this... how long it's taken, etc, etc. My life has been exactly the opposite of what I've planned for the last year or so. I think I'm meant to learn patience and to just go with the flow. The thing is I think I'm going to be offered a great job, making almost twice what I'm making (which would help A LOT with TTC, of course!), and it's only a 9-month position. If I were pregnant, there's no way I could make that committment, but if I were to get pregnant in the next couple of months, it would work out perfectly. Maybe all this wait was "meant to be" and this baby's timing will be better than I could have planned on my own! Here's hoping.

Baby dust to each of you! And thanks again for your support.

Best,
Max

2moms2be · #14 (**permalink**) 07-13-2007, 12:27 PM

Max- That is DEFINATELY the right attitude. I hope you do not have to have a sitdown with your RE, cause this cy works for you!

	Entertainment \| Beauty & Style \| Home & Living \| Pregnancy & Baby \| Love & Sex \| Food & Recipes \| Parenting \| Chat \| Contests
	Home My SK Blogs Chat Members Today's Posts Search Register