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kgulbransen · #28 (**permalink**) 06-21-2012, 11:46 AM

Swell & Anne: I'm here. Lurking. Sorry I'm a sucky board moderator. Hell, we're still in April according to this thread! I kind of wish we were. Back then, I was just enjoying not trying and getting on with my life.

Good news is, we're all moved into our wonderful new house. It's really kept me busy and focused on something I can control and manage just the way I want! We've both had fun remodeling and getting ourselves together. We still have a ways to go on it and it will be an ongoing project, but it's great to be in a new space.

On the IVF front...I start my stims in the next couple of days. We are spending between $25k and $30k to try JUST ONCE. Yes, you read me right. Just once. We did decide to move forward with the pre-genetic testing of the embryos to see if we can find any normal ones in the bunch and only transfer those in but as I sit here reading other people's stories, I wonder if I'm even going to get that chance. I show about 12-14 follies at my CD2 but that's not much to work with, especially when you're doing PGD and pushing the embryos to Day 5. We'll actually push them to day five, extract the cells for analysis, freeze them and then wait for the results. If we get any normal embryos, we'll go for a frozen embryo transfer in a couple of months.

I dread all of this greatly. I kept telling myself that I just wanted to find out the "why" of my miscarriages and that this would probably give us the answer but the closer I get, the more I fear that it's likely the answer WILL be "it's your eggs" and with that, we won't have anything to work with.

I have gotten a group of women together who are considering or are in the middle of the adoption process. They came over to my house the other night and it was so refreshing to be able to hear people who have let go of TTC and although are anxious about what comes next, are just thankful to be moving on. I had a brief moment of total acceptance and saw myself even considering foster to adopt of an older child. Maybe this is my destiny and the way in which we will create a family? It made me hate stepping through IVF.

For those that have known me for awhile and want to keep in more constant contact, I'd love to hear from you and would be thankful if you emailed me at caliblondieus at yahoo.com. I miss you all and think of you often! Swell and Anne, especially. I'd really like to know where you wind up.

And Swell, you know I couldn't type out a message with talking about your question. I think BMI does play some part in it. I know that for me, I had lost about 40 pounds when we started trying but I still had a high BMI. We tried to get pregnant and didn't. Then I lost another 25 and boom, we started getting pregnant. I've lost even more weight now and feel really at my personal best. I think I've positioned myself in the best way I can for me in order to try one last time. But the only scientific research they have in regards to BMI is that they believe it to be a potential higher cause for miscarriage. But frankly, there are so many risks for miscarriage anyway, who the F knows. You know what I mean?

I applaud you for making such an important change and for losing so much weight. I know for me, my 80 pound loss has really been about just helping to change my outlook on life and how I feel by myself, and even if I don't end up having a child, this helps immensely. Is that "Berkeley" enough for you?

Love to all of you,
Krista