I'm Cindy sahm to my 2 boys Zach (7 mos) and Xander (27 mos).

We've been talking with Xander about using the potty for a year now. he showed interest very early so there was always a potty around the house and he got to decide when and if he wanted to sit on it. He has only once actually produced any results while being onthe potty and when he did I know it was a total accident. He is a master at sitting on the potty for a long time but not actually putting anything into the potty. Of course, when he gets off the potty he wants a diaper (grudgingly) and will promptly pee or poop in the diaper.

We have tried Pullups because he loves Buzz Lightyear. We've tried underwear with Blue's Clues on it that he's so excited to wear until I mention that he can't pee or poop in them. Should I just force him to wear underwear and wet himself? We've tried that before and it didn't help, but that was 3 months ago... Can you sense my frustration? We've tried Smarties as bribes. We've tried offering the opportunity to phone his Papa when he finally goes in the potty. We've tried stickers, but he hasn't actually gotten any since there has been no action to speak of. UGH.

I've been working really hard to stay positive and make it fun for him but I gotta tell you, my patience is waning. I keep telling him that if he's old enough to tell me his diaper needs to be changed then he's old enough to put the pee and poop in the potty. He just won't comply. I've been trying to let him lead but that has led to totally incosistent potty times and no results. I am totally fed up.

How do you keep your patience over the long haul? I feel like I've been doing everything wrong. I want that magic bullet that doesn't exist. Or maybe I just need a stiff drink. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

__________________

Hi Cindy,

I have a son who is 25 months and for at least 6-8 months we've had a potty in the bathroom since he showed a lot of interest in what we were doing.

At first we just put it in there and let him check it out. Then we had him sitting on it with his clothes on. Some days he'd sit, and some days he wouldn't. I got a freebie Charmin potty training kit (a little book, stickers, poster, etc.) and we would read that together while I sat and went (or dh) and he sat on his potty.

Then, I added it as part of our bathtime routine. We go upstairs, get him undressed and as I'm letting the water fill in the tub, he sits on the potty and we read books together. We've been doing this for several months, and he's peed five or six times. I know he's not doing it because he knows that's what it's for. (At least, I think so.) I think it's just that he has to go, and so he does, regardless of being on the potty.

When he does it, I cheer, and give him lots of kudos and talk to him while he's playing in the tub and I'm pouring it out and cleaning it up. I know he's not ready for pullups or underwear quite yet because we haven't gotten to the point where he is uncomfortable with a wet or dirty diaper.

I've heard a lot of parents say that kids are ready when they start asking to be changed, they're ready, and it sounds like Xander is doing that. What do you do when he asks to be changed? I've heard some people say that you should take the dirty diaper (I don't know what to do for pee!) and drop the poop in their potty (or your toilet) to show the child where they should be going.

I definitely wouldn't rush the underwear thing. You've got a long way to go and a lot of accidents a long that way. He's probably already feeling the pressure of using the potty. He doesn't need the added pressure of not messing himself, too.

Every child will use the potty at a different age. Some kids do it early, and some kids take a few extra years. I know a lot of parents worry about it, but it's not something to worry about. After all, when he's 18, no one is going to care when he got toilet trained, they'll just be happy that he is then!

I'd love for more "seasoned" parents to stop by for some potty advice. I know I'm feeling the pressure of not doing enough to help my son learn, and so I'd love to hear more stories.

Oh - one of the books I have to read on the potty is The Potty Book for Boys by Alyssa Capucilli. IT was the best one I found that didn't sound too silly.

To be completely honest: wait til he is READY. And there is a BIG HUGE difference b/t showing signs of readiness and actually being ready. Honest. And most boys don't hit the 'ready' state until they are closer to 3. If not 3. My ped told me at our 2 yr old check up to not expect anything til my son turned 3. My friends' peds had similar comments.

We talked about pottying. We had a potty for him. We read books. We let HIM choose when to sit and pee/poop. And this is how it went: 8 wks before he turned 3, HE said, "I don't wear underwear, I too little. I pee in potty when I three"

8 wks later, he turned 3 and awoke on his birthday in tears saying, "I don't want to be 3. How I go back to 2?" No way did we even TALK about pottys that day.

For 2 wks he cried randomly --midlife crisis I call it --- asking how one went back to 2 b/c he didn't want to pee in the potty. We never asked him to pee in potty. We just hugged him and told him all was ok.

One day right before nap time he said, 'Are THOSE underwear? And is that Green Puppy on it? I wear it now!" And he took a nap in underwear only. For a week, he napped in underwear and spent the remainder of the day in diapers and never used the potty.

Then, one sunny, unseasonably warm day, my DH pulled out the blow-up pool and filled it with water. DH & DS changed into swim trunks....and then DH encouraged DS to go naked. Potty by pool..... but you know boys, they can pee in the grass. And this was cooooool and funny to DS. So, they spent all morning (while I was at work, DH was unemployed at the time) in the backyard, splashing in the pool and jumping out to pee in the weeds.

A few days later, DS said, "Um... what happens to my diapers when I wear underwear?" I told him we could give them to a friend's baby. And we picked a day on the calendar. Actually, he picked the day. So, that Sunday rolled around and he helped me wrap up the remaining diapers. Then he said, "Um... I don't want to give them to baby. I keep them for 2 days?" I said YES but I didn't unwrap them. DS spent the day in underwear and when it bedtime came and I offered him 'nighttime diapers', he gave me an indignant looked and all high&mighty said to me, "I TOLD YOU I NO WEAR DIAPERS ANYMORE! I STOP ON SUNDAY! UNDERWEAR ONLY!"

And we have had no diapers since. No pullups. No night time diapers. Nothing but underwear.

Lots of middle of night bedsheet changes for about 3 months. (Really on and off.... probably average of 2 each week) But, I will tell you one thing -- we waited til HE WAS READY!!!!!!! and potty training was the easiest thing.

__________________

Lynda,

Thanks for the story! It gives me a lot of hope for the next year. I don't think I'm as excited about Matthew using the potty as much as I am seeing him go through a growth in mentality so that he understands what's going on with himself, his age, the potty - everything. That's going to be so cool!

Wow! I wish things were going that smoothly for us! We have sort of given up on Alec until he shows us some more definite signs. We put him on the potty when he first gets out of bed and before we put him to bed and whenever he asks (which is usually when he is avoiding his nap or bedtimes) but otherwise we aren't pressuring him.

We hope he is PT by the time he graduates high school

__________________

I'd just back off of potty training completely. My son will be 3 next month and we started training him last May. Once we started, he did wonderfully. I'd had the potty out since he was about a year old and we talked about the potty all the time. Every diaper change, every time we went in the bathroom. Once he started wanting to sit on the potty, it still took awhile before he actually went. Once he went once, he started to figure it out and after that it didn't take long at all.

When he'd poop in his diaper, I did take it in the bathroom and put it in the toilet and tell him that that's where poop goes. It didn't take long at all for him to figure it out.

I totally agree to wait until they're ready. But I'd definitely be doing some work to get him familiar with the whole thing way before he's ready.

__________________