My 3 1/2 year old BOY will not use the potty consistantly! If I ask him if he needs to go he says no then pees or poops in his pants. I have tried positive reinforcement, rewards, stickers, big boy undies. I am doing an average of 1 load a day of peed on and/or pooped on clothes. I have moved him back to pull ups and next back to diapers errrrrrrrrrrrr! Any suggestions would help!

Hey girly, I just asked the ladies from my board (many who have older kids too) to come take a look at your post and offer their thoughts. Just remember: he will NOT go to college in diapers.

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Shelly
dh Michael
dd Jennifer (6)
ds Jonathan (3)

I used potty training rewards. The audio and chocolate treats were powerful incentives to fully potty train our son. He loved pushing the button hearing he is a Big Boy. He was peeing and pooping in his potty within a week. Have a look and see if this would work for you. Potty Training Rewards | Potty Training Tips

I've been doing some reading and here are some things you might try:

- Find his "currency", as Dr. Phil would say. Especially since you know that he knows how. If he wants to be stubborn and purposely not go, take his trains! That'll get his attention! Let him earn them back. Or think about what he truly values, and work with that.

- Make him clean himself up. He has to change his undies and pants. I can see that being awfully messy though. Especially since he doesn't seem to care if he's wet. What do you think?

- I read that some children enjoy the negative attention they get when they have "accidents". Maybe you could try heaping on the praise (maybe a sticker chart, or an M&M) when he's successful and completely ignoring him when he's not. Just change him without a single word or any attention at all.

- And I copied this from a website: There are many reasons why a child may be resistant to toilet training. The key for parents who are dealing with a resistant child is to stay positive and to reinforce all signs of progress. Sometimes a child even benefits from taking a break from toilet training. The "time off" can be helpful in decreasing the pressure of the experience for both parent and child. Talk with your pediatrician for the right approach for your son.

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Shelly
dh Michael
dd Jennifer (6)
ds Jonathan (3)

I am thinking maybe he just isn't ready. When you decide it's time, you have to be 100% consistent with whatever method you use, and stick with it.

I followed the technique in this book when my first turned 3: Amazon.com: Toilet Training in Less Than A Day: Nathan Azrin: Books and it really worked (my mom used the same technique with us).

It is very similar to Dr. Phils method outlined here: Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Potty Train Your Child In Less Than a Day

I wouldn't take toys away or punish him, because he will develop a negative association with toileting. Keep it upbeat and positive and very matter-of-fact. Good luck! I am about to train my almost 3 year old and I am not looking forward to it.

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You have received some great advice! I'll throw in my 2 cents too These are all lessons I learned from all the mistakes I made training my oldest (before I discovered message boards and got a clue lol).

~ once you put him in underwear really commit to it. Don't switch back and forth

~don't ask if he needs to go, just say "We're going potty now." I used to ask my oldest and he would always just say no.

~set a timer and use the potty every time it goes off.

~be very matter of fact. Quinn knew I was upset about the whole thing and I think he used it against me so to speak. Once I took the negative emotion out of it and stopped discussing it with others in front of him, it went much better.

~find a reward that will matter to him.

Best of luck, and like Shelly said, no child goes to college in diapers....he'll get it

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The ladies above have given you awesome advice!!!
** I definitely agree with consistency... if you decide it's time to pt, then don't look back! No matter how many accidents he gives you, just keep him in underwear. I know that it will seem like a lifetime of endless laundry, but I believe it is the way to go!!
** He may just not be ready. Do you feel he is ready, or that a couple of months might make the difference?
** Do you live somewhere that you can spend time outdoors with him naked or in underwear? With my oldest, I spent the day in our backyard with him in his underwear. When he realized he had to pee (at that very last second), it was easy for him to pull his underwear down wherever he was in the yard and go.
** I also agree with setting a timer (maybe for every 10min) and take him to the bathroom. My 2 yr old still claims he doesn't have to pee... until he sees a potty! As soon as he sees a toilet, he starts hopping up and down and says "Me have to pee sooooo bad!"
** When my boys did have accidents, I would have them change their clothes. Not poop accidents, but definitely pee.

Good luck!!!! Remember that every child is different...so what works for many, may not work for him!!! Keep trying until you find a method that works for the both of you!

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I have no advice to offer that the other ladies havent already shared. I just wanted to support you. Let us know about any progress. Oh, have you taken him and discussed this with his doctor? I know my son had massive issues PTing but his was due to an immature bladder. Who knew?

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i am not sure of a weather conditions where you live but it is much easier t potty train with less close to take off. so spring time, when it is warmer, make sure that he can easily take off his bottom closes. boys historically potty train later then girls. Children usually go potty right after eating or drinking so use that time to go potty. He might me old enough to use the big potty with a child sise ring over it, that could be a good motivater along with the "big boy" button.
You can try going to the bathroom together, or he can go with dad, which is probably better. They can have a big boy rase. Have you tried revards at the end of the day if he goes all day without massing? now acidents do happen so show appropriate compassion, dont revard but encurage the next day. Some children are too "bussy" to go potty so they are not nessesarally loose controle but insteat just hold it untill they cant hold it any more, so with that in mind, dont feel bad to brake him away from an activity for a potty brake. i am not really advocate for bathroom play, or fun activities simply because i believe it encorage children to stay in the bathroom longer and get in trouble and later , as an adult use a poty as a brake room. sitting on a potty too long could cause hemoroids and other probems. try to encurage to get in, get business done, clean up, flush, whash hands and get out.
If you leave him with a sitter, give clear instructions on when and how to avoid acidents and reinforse your training. if all else failes, maybe saying that massing up is embarassing. I would be careful with this one and feel it out ones or twise and see how it effects him. Bothom line, going potty should be a norm not a traumatic experience.
good lock

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Hi! I have 3 boys, almost 18, almost 14, and almost 3. With each one, we used to use the toilet as a toy, or so to say. My olest was intimidated by it and felt like he was out of control if he was sitting on it, so he learned to potty by sitting backwards and holding the top of the open lid like a steering wheel. It would keep him focused long enough to sit there and go. I would put books/toys on the back of the toilet and he'd site there and play until he went potty. That technique worked as well for my 2nd son.

Good luck with this adventure! I hope you find something that works for you!

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[quote=scrappingmommy;6748202]My 3 1/2 year old BOY will not use the potty consistantly! If I ask him if he needs to go he says no then pees or poops in his pants. I have tried positive reinforcement, rewards, stickers, big boy undies. I am doing an average of 1 load a day of peed on and/or pooped on clothes. I have moved him back to pull ups and next back to diapers errrrrrrrrrrrr! Any suggestions would help!






Update! I spoke to a female pediatrician w/no kids and was suggested to put him in pull ups (thats what started this message!) And not mention potty training at all for a month. I feel this is the wrong thing to do, I ried it for a day and Ethan acted like he was getting away with something! Then I got a message from my kids pediatrician. He suggested to make my son clean up his own messes from cleaning himself to putting the clothes in the washer and the dryer and redress himself. So I got down on my son's eye level told him my expectations that I expected him to pee and poop in the potty. If he has an accident that Ethan will be cleaning up the mess not Mommy. I told him Ethan is a big boy and will wear Big boy undies, no more diapers, no more pull ups! We went to church today and he went potty before sunday school and before church service. We came to the grandparents house, he said he did not have to potty. I reminded him of what would happen if he had an accident. He said he understood. 30 min later....the first test! He peed in his pants, I made him go through the whole clean up routine including the washer and redressing himslef and NO MORE ACCIDENTS! so far! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still open to suggestions and THANKS everyone for their help and suggestions! I know I have the best sister in the law ever! (Shelly!)

Glad to see you're making some headway. It's not easy.

You've gotten some great advice already. Just wanted to let you know we support you!


Elise

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this is a great thread...I'm totally making notes for when we take the plunge! depending on how I'm feeling I think it might be monday EEK as he'll be three on SATURDAY. my baby is growing up *sniff*

OP-I can't wait to hear if it is still going well for you...that's a great strategy you are employing

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brendan was doing that and I even did the he had to clean up after himself mess it took him to pee 2 times in his undies@ preschool he wore there and the 2nd pants along with his undies lucky he had more than 2 undies or he would have came home bare bottom -but he wet his extra pants he had to come home wearing girl flowery pants -no more accidents since then

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Traci
Mommy to Brendan August 4, 2004


My angels in my heart forever and in my father(8-26-87) loving arms Alizah 6-18-02 Trey Feb 2003 surrounded by my 2 guinea pigs Felecia feb 9 2003 and patchy 6/2004








Brendan and Blackie

I feel for you! Iv been lurking in the shadows for sometime reading posts in your forum and have learned quite alot and decided to join you all.

I think you are all great for sharing your experiences. Looking through the internet I found this (check my signature) which may help you with your problem. Yes! remember nobody ever goes to college in diapers! Hope that helps and good luck!

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Solve The Potty Training Mystery Within 72 Hours And Your Toddler Is Diaper Free Forever!