My son was three in June. He's been toilet trained for peeing since last fall, and pooped in the toilet for a few weeks. Then ... he stopped pooping in the toilet. It was about the time that I had to return to the US (we live in the Caribbean) for a week for dental work and didn't take Skyler with me. But we have no idea it that was a factor. All we know is that he started refusing to use the toilet and pooped in his underwear. Early this spring, we got him to tell ask us for pullups when he needs to poop, but nothing we try has yet induced him to use the toilet or a potty we let him pick out. Our pediatrician said to come up with a reward so big he can't refuse. Our most recent attempt was to promise him a large toy airplane for one poop in the toilet and a plane trip for 5 (he absolutely loves planes and flying). He clearly understands the reward and will articulate that he gets the reward if he poops in the toilet or potty and gets nothing if he poops in pullups, but still opts for the pullups. When I ask why he doesn't poop in the toilet, he says he doesn't want to. Any suggestions? I'm thinking about starting to withhold privileges or something ... or just laying off for a while. Anyone out there have a solution??? Many thanks!!!

I wish I could give you some advice. Vanessa will be 4 this month and still hasn't mastered pooping in the toliet.

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Mommy to Vanessa

Hello! I am very new to this board but I will offer what I can by telling you the process of potty training we have gone through up until this point:

My daughter is 25 1/2 months old and she started potty training two weeks after her 2nd birthday. She seemed to be doing pretty well with the pee but she would always poop in her panties or in her pull up (at nap time). After two weeks of much frustration and multiple pee and poop accidents at daycare, her daycare teacher and I decided I should call Kaelynn's (my daughter) doctor. He actually told me to stop asking her so much and let her tell me when she had to go potty. So for the next two weeks we did just that and she did great with telling us she had to pee in the potty but the poop still wasn't there. When we started the potty training, I would reward her (a train ride at the mall etc) for staying dry. We didn't withhold the privilege if she had a poop accident. In the middle of the 4th week of training we decided that she had to stay dry and poop in the potty in order to get her rewards and she understood. Unfortunately she still pooped in her panties. Then last Thursday (at the end of week 5 of potty training) she had two pee accidents and one poop accident and was complaining that it hurt. We went to the doctor and it turns out she had a UTI. Her doctor (who is absolutely loves) told her that if she pees and poops in the potty it won't hurt but if she does it in her panties it will hurt. So he turned the tables on her explaining that she could make her pain go away buy going poop on the potty (she is on an antibiotic too of course) and that afternoon she told me she had to poop (which she had never done) and the next day at daycare she told her teacher and she went on the potty both times. Since last Thursday she has only had one poop accident and she was very sad about it. KNOCK ON WOOD that she understands that poop goes in the potty. I have no idea if this helped you at all. I guess what I am saying is: Try having a neutral party that he really likes (in my daughters case..her doctor) talk to him about it?

Just to let you know. We are on week #6 of potty training and so far so good this week. She did have a pee accident at nap time yesterday but otherwise has been doing well.

Best of luck to you. Oh and I made sure to follow through on my promises of rewards if she was successful and I would explain why we couldn't go when she had some "oopsies" and I would even get her to tell me why she couldn't have her reward.....I really hope I helped a little.

Thanks, Kaelynnmom.

The outside respected neutral party is a great idea. But it's hard to think who that might be right now. We've been living in the Caribbean for the past 2 years and just moved to a different island in August -- here only through December. So although there were respected neutral parties we could probaby have turned to in Grenada, here, I'm not so sure. I'll try to think of options. Yesterday we tried having him sit on the toilet or his potty while he pooped in in pullups, thinking that if we could get him to sit, that would be a step in the right direction, but no dice. I think I may just lay off for a bit, not give him any attention at all over it and try again in a month. That is, unless someone has some wonderful ideas for me ...

Thanks again.

I understand your pain. My daughter is almost four and almost never poops in the potty. She sometimes has multiple accidents a day and my wife and I are totally frustrated. She has been trainied pee-wis for seven months and almost NEVER has a pee accident. But no matter how much we threaten, offer to reward or reason or explain to her, she just won't go. Often we can ask her several times if she has to go, she'll say "No" and then five minutes later announces she has poop in her underwear. WE are at a loss for actions. I know this doesn't help you fix it but know that there are others that have similar problems. We just don't know what to do either. She has accidents at daycare, accidents at home, when we are out, doesn't matter. The DR says don't make a big deal out of it but after seven months, it gets harder to stay calm.

I have a three year old (will be four in January) who is doing a very similar thing. We have him in a well-respected preschool with a great teacher three mornings a week, and when he started messing up his pants at preschool, the teacher wasn't mean about it. . . BUT she suggested withholding the computer time he enjoys (he loves to play on the computer) unless he could keep his pants clean.

He's doing better at preschool where she is enforcing this with my permission, but he is still pretty bad about it at home. . . we're trying not to pressure him. He also loves Hot Wheels cars, so for each day he keeps his pants clean, he gets a Hot Wheels car from us. That helps, but he still only wants to do what he wants to do.

home improvement

Well Vanessa still hasn't mastered pooping in the toliet. She has at couple of times started and told me she is going stinky and we were able to get her to go in the toliet but we still have the problem of her doing it in her panties. She will have nothing to do with disposables and she pees easily in the toliet. We are still working on pooping and she just turned 4 years old last month.

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Mommy to Vanessa