is over! So, I said yesterday I was done ttc. I have been a ttc break for a few weeks. Then something really sad happened tonight...my grandpa passed away. I couldn't believe it. I think I'm still in shock. I got a call around 7pm that he was in Shreveport & they thought he was having a heart attack. My grandma called an ambulance & he died of a massive heart attack. He had a stroke that immediately lead to the heart attack. After crying & speaking with my family I told dh I want to start trying again. I just realized life is to short. I don't want to let the opportunity to be a mom just slip by. For the last couple of months I have just been so upset. I thought I'd be pg by now. I'm still mad & hurt by my m/c. I finally felt it tonight that life is to short to go on feeling sorry for myself. I told dh tonight I don't want to be a mom. I need to be a mom! I'm finally ready to let go of the "what if" & focus on the "what will be". I think it made dh happy, because he just smiled & said "double time!" I really believe you have to let go of the past & embrace the future. I'm finally ready to do that! I'll be charting again starting tomorrow morning. I'm so committed to the idea we will get pg I even told my brother tonight that we're trying to have a baby! He was actually happy for me! I'm glad to be back (the real me that's happy & optimistic)! I missed you girls!

Now lets see some s!!!!!

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Oh, Pamela, that is WONDERFUL news. Wait . . . back up. I'm so sorry about your grandfather . . . that part is NOT wonderful - what a terrible loss for you and your family. I've been through that, and it is just awful to lose someone so close, and it is scary for the family when something happens so suddenly like that. I hope that you and your family can give each other love and support during this difficult time.

Now . . . the next part. I'm so happy that you were able to get something positive from something so awful, and that this event has helped you move beyond the anger. This is a hard road, and I sometimes believe that ttc is not for the "faint of heart." There are losses, and disappointments, and serious frustrations . . . but maybe it is a lesson in parenting, because that certainly isn't going to be a piece of cake either. Unfortunately, there are many of us who have been on this board far too long - and some of us will be here for a while longer still. But, I truly believe we will ALL graduate eventually. I think maybe we are all here to "touch" each other in some way . . . I am certain that I am a better person from knowing all of you and your stories.

Welcome back . . . we missed you, and you offer so much to this board. Take it in stride . . . obsessing and hoping too much is tough, but you can also provide and give support along the way, and try to find a "healthy" long-term strategy for satisfying that need to be a mom. I read inspirational stories here everyday, and focusing on other people's journey somehow makes mine less lonely (and can even distract me). I hope that coming back does the same for you. There may be more disappointing cycles, but I am sure you will find the way to your answer and that !

And, I'm loving your new siggy!!

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I am sorry to hear that your grandpa died. It can always hard when you lose a loved one. I am glad to here that you and DH have decided to start trying to conceive again. I think that their will be a blessing around the corner for you. Good Luck on your TTC journey. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, I hope you find the strength and courage throughout this trying time.

Thanks girls, I'm feeling ok. I'm still kind of in shock. It just doesn't seem real. There isn't going to be a service or anything. His wishes were to be cremated & that's it. He never really did like crowds, & he went out happy he was gambling & eating at the casino. I feel so bad for my grandma. She was saying how lonely she's going to be. How much she'll miss him, & that she can't go back to that house. I wasn't able to be at the hospital. They were in Shreveport & I'm in Miss. The hardest part was trying to comfort my aunt. She is 6 months older then me. I just had no idea what to say so I cried with her. I know it sounds weird but after talking about life & death something inside me just kinda woke up & said ttc & have that baby before it's to late!

Tkeys, I agree that we have all been brought together for some reason. I believe everything happens for a reason. I know we will all be grads sooner or later. Every person I know that had problems ttc did eventually get pg. Just recently my cousin got pg. The doctors even told her from a medical stand point she should've never have been able to pg. They tried for 8 years & then got a natural ! I guess stories like that make me feel better. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you this cycle! As far as satisfying my need to be a mom right now....she's in my siggy with a stick in her mouth!

Thanks for the compliments on my siggy! I just changed it & added mt ttc back to it! That's one of the advantages of doing the graphics. I can change it up anytime I want!

Robswife, Sorry I don't know your name yet. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Thank you for the well wishes!

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Welcome back, may God give you peace and grace about your grandfather. May he bless your womb soon!

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First off sorry about your grandfather, secondly congratulations on realizing life is too short to compomise what you want. I feel the same as you I don't WANT to be a mom I NEED too!

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TTC 8+ years with 13 cycles of IUI
November 2007 Clomid + Ovidrel
1/9/08 D&C for missed miscarriage

May 2008 Follistim+ Ovidrel
6/3- Chemical Pregnancy
August 2008- Follistim+Ovidrel+ Prometrium=
8/28- Chemical Pregnancy-
October 2008-Follistim+Ovidrel+Prometrium+Baby Asprin- Let this be the perfect combo!
My desire to have a baby is greater than my fear of having another miscarriage.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Mine passed away almost a year ago, and he didn't have any kind of service either - he said it was too hard on the families to go through funerals and such.

YAY to having you back!!!!!!! I hope you get that BFP super soon!

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I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. My dh's grandfather passed away in December and after a break, when we went to his funeral we knew we weren't done and would start ttc'ing again, my hubby was in an accident in November and was very fortunate he only broke his leg (he had surgery, etc) and wasn't killed because an artery was severed, So yes life is so precious and much to short to not enjoy it as much as we can. Good luck to you sweetie, I hope the new attitude is just what you need.

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