Could I be enjoying my break too much?

Leese · #1 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 04:19 AM

I've been feeling the desire to stop with the treatments growing stronger and stronger. I had chalked it up to being expected with all the costs and procedures (which, because we aren't dealing with MFI, are mostly falling on my shoulders). But I am just really enjoying this cycle while I'm on a break. It's so nice to not have to be thinking about when my next appointment is, do I have all my meds, am I taking them at the right time, analyzing every feeling, every secretion, timing our bd. Our sex life hasn't been that great since the first of the year, but my libido has been higher during the past 2 weeks than it has been in a while. So I'm wondering if my heart is trying to tell me that now isn't the right time to do this. I know we will do 2-3 cycles of injectibles and then revisit the issue. Possibly stop until next year, possibly pursue adoption (although I think my heart is closing to that option for now), possibly stop altogether for a few years. But I also know that when I think of the summer and the fall this year, I'm more looking forward taking another break and being normal again than to actually getting pg. I guess I feel obliged to continue because DH has only had ~1 year of actually ttc and hasn't had time for his feelings to change to not wanting to continue. I don't think he's ready to consider stopping yet. I just feel a bit like I'm going through the motions now.

mrsprather · #2 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 06:46 AM

Oh Lisa - Maybe your heart is trying to tell you something, and maybe just getting away from the stress of everything can do wonders for your relationship with dh. Follow your heart and see what happens. I am wishing you the best whatever you decide.

mk9906 · #3 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 07:42 AM

Well I think at least it's time to have a serious talk with DH. Maybe he will see things your way or maybe you'll see things his and have the desire to keep trying.

I think either way it's something that is best decided together. I know how you feel... the past few months have been disappointing in a way, but it's also been nice to relax and not worry about everything. With IVF coming up soon I can already feel these moments of intense anxiety so I'm sure after doing several medicated cycles your brain and heart need a break.

I'm

for you. You and DH will find the right path.

Tkeys · #4 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 08:01 AM

I hear you . . . I can only tell you that sometimes not wanting to do it can also be a self-defense mechanism. When cy after cy of nothing happens, and treatment costs pile up and don't seem to work, it is so hard not to start feeling like either a failure, or that it will never happen. I just kind of numbed myself to it all - but I also knew that I didn't have the time to put things on hold - it really was a choice between now or maybe never for me, and I didn't want to regret not giving it a chance. You do have time that you could wait - it is so hard to spend your life doing this. If you can hang in there and do the injectibles, you may feel differently when they actually get you O'ing well, and maybe you will start to feel hopeful again.

Either way . . . trust your heart - it will lead you in the right direction.

KLB321 · #5 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 10:30 AM

Lisa, I'm glad this break has been a good and healthy one for you. I agree with Amy, your heart is probably telling you something. Besides, taking a break for a few months and getting your life back in order just may well be what you need to get that BFP! We always hear that not stressing about it gets you pregnant. I'd love for you to prove that statement! =) GOOD LUCK and best wishes in your decision!

Leese · #6 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 06:07 PM

Thanks girls. DH and I talked a lot about this today. We have several very valid reasons for deciding to wait. But I don't think either of us are ready to stop right now. I am making mental plans for the next 3 cycles. That will take us through summer, and we had said at the beginning of the year that we would reconsider our options in September. So I guess that will be a good time for us to take a break. As DH says, the whole discussion is pointless because we will be pg by then!

Tkeys · #7 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 06:15 PM

I like your attitude!! I think the injectibles will work wonders for you!

Tkeys · #8 (**permalink**) 05-19-2008, 08:19 PM

Just had another thought . . . I know you were taken off of the glucophage because of liver issues - talk to your dr about Actos instead - it is supposed to have no affect on the liver, and I've heard lots of stories about pregnancy while on actos. So, especially if you take a break, perhaps the Actos will get you O'ing on your own? Just a thought. The other thing to consider on a break - bcps. I know they mess up cys for some people, but for me (with my PCOS), they suppress the bad hormones, and I O really well the first few cys after bcps.