Hi my name is Sara and I'm new to the boards. I would like to tell you some things about myself and then hopefully get some advice.
1. I'm 32 years old
2. My BF and I have been together for almost 2 years and have been living together for a year
3. I'm divorced (was married for almost 4 years)
4. I got divorced because after 4 years I realized that I got married just to be married, not because I was in love with the person I was with.
5. I have no children
6. I really want to start considering having children because I'm getting older and I don't want to miss my chance to be a mom.
7. I feel that I'm a stable, loving person that would make a great mom.

Well that's me in a nutshell. I know that it might be weird that I want to have kids and I'm not married to the potentional father. Don't get me wrong I think marriage is great I just don't know if it's for me. Maybe because I've been divorced but I see marriage as just a piece of paper, so many people don't take it seriously like they use to 30 years ago.
So what do you think, do you think it's wrong of me to consider having a child if I'm not married to the father? My BF and I are very happy and we have talked about being together forever but who can predict the future.
Any advice or comments would be great. Also if there are other ladies in my situation I'd love to hear from them.
Thanks.

Personally I think that you are in a great place to start thinking about children. You are in a stable relationship (by the sounds of your post) and for me #2 & #7 on your list say it all.

The only thing that you don't tell us is how your partner feels about the prospect of a child in your future.

If he is as keen as you I can't see a single reason why you should not go for it!

Claire xxx

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iPregnant
Due with baby #5 on January 27th

Hi Sara!

I don't see any problem in what you listed. As far as being married, I don't put too much stock in the idea that it's necessary for parenthood. As long as your BF is up for it, I say go for it!

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Me -29 DH - 33
Married June 13, 2003
Completely anovulatory without meds
10/07 - 12/07 50mg Clomid,
12/07 - DH's SA all normal!
2/21/08 - RE consult
3/08 100mg clomid cd3-7, no follicles, cycle cancelled
4/08 - 150mg clomid cd3-7, u/s on cd14, 1 follicle @ 24mm, trigger shot on cd14 and timed bd,
5/08 - HSG looks good
6/08 - IUI+INJ #1,
7/08 - IUI+INJ #2,
8/08 - IUI+INJ #3

O geeze my BF is more excited than I am. He would start TTC tonight if I would let him. I'm going to see my OBGYN next month and I would really like to talk to her about it before we start trying.
Thanks for the encouragement.

I don't see anything wrong with the idea. However I would reccomend one thing. Work out a child care agreement before the baby is born. That way if for some reason things don't go the way that you too think they will the baby will be taken care of. I friend of mine did that and she felt better knowing she and the baby would be taken care of. Then you all you have to do it enjoy the experience.

GL and I can't wait to get to know you.

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(29)
Scott (35)
Married 10/05/2002
Furkitties
Willow and Xander




My Guys Oct 2007

I'm not sure if I know what you mean. Do you mean like a pre-nup for a child or do you mean like babysiting?

Welcome Sara!

Personally, I don't think it's "wrong" to have a child if you're not married. I think you need a loving and stable relationship, and it sounds like that's what you have. Maybe you're worried about what other people might think about you if you do, or if your religion looks down on that sort of thing. Just be prepared that you're probably going to get negativity from others and you're going to have to deal with it.

Having a baby is fun and wonderful, but also a lot of hard work. If the two of you are happy together and both want a child, then go for it if that's what you want!

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Randi (29)
Married August 14th 2003
Daughter Marissa Kaitlyn born September 16th 2006
PG with #2 due March 10th 2009

I think that it depends on you - I wanted to ttc with DH but not get married - he wouldn't go for that. If you can think forward and know that even if it doesn't work out with you and BF, you believe he would make a good father, and you are willing to have your life tied to him through children (or if he walks off and wants nothing to do with any family and you could live with that) then having children with someone you are not married to could be right for you.

I think it is about trusting your gut, and thinking out the possible scenarios, and accepting those possibilities.

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Kind of like a Pre-nup for children. Just a document that say what each of you plan to provide for the child. Like you will provide the insurance and he will pay you 300 a month for child support. That way if anything goes wrong you both have something to refer to so the baby is always taken care of. That will eliminate any arguements in the future. And if you decide not to get married in the future there will be no questions.

My friend had a child support agreemnet worked out and everything went great even though the relationship ended. They are still friends and they are both glad they worked it out a head of time because it allowed them to remain friends and stay civil for the child.

__________________
(29)
Scott (35)
Married 10/05/2002
Furkitties
Willow and Xander




My Guys Oct 2007

I actually think that is great advice. Tell me, did your friends just draw up the document by themselves or did they seek the advice of a lawyer?

Hi Sara!

I was just lurking on this board and wanted to add my thoughts

I think it is far more important to have two individuals who truly WANT a child and are prepared to be a parents than to have two individuals whose only qualifying factor is a marriage certificate. Plenty of married people turn out not to be the best parents in the world. I think a child benefits far more from two parents who are stable, even if they aren't married, and even if they one day don't live in the same house.

to you!

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