I know it's been awhile.... But it's been a frustrating couple of months.
I went to Perinatologist I think on 3-29 He ordered all the fertility testing bw etc.
it took quite awhile to get the testing completed:

I had my appt w/ Perinatiologist March 29 bw was result & I got a hard copy in the mail for verification..........
ALL FERTILITY TESTING IS NEGATIVE....

I had everything done antiphosolipid testing; lupus anticoagulant, chomosonal testing ..........

So why am I not happy about that... because now their is nothing on the surface to be fixed........
I KNOW SOMETHING IS CAUSING ME TO HAVE REPEATED LOSSES.
But as usual this perinatologist is a by-the-book md & if it's not in black N' white...
& their isn't a paper trail PROVING PG'S HAPPENED he won't go there or even consider the possibility.. I suggested (& dh back me up) .........
to consider the possibitity of increase of NKC (natural killer cells)
as a viable reason ...... why this keeps happening
This can be verified through a simple blood test ................

HE REFUSED to order that test. flipping through the chart looking for evidence any viable pg happened,
they were 'early mc's' I told him then he went on talking about my age, statistics/odds of me getting pg or any woman over 40,
Then the statisitics of downs baby's increasing after 40 etc...
then after pressing for testing to find out why I mc ...

I got the impression he didn't believe any mc happened- he seemed very impersonal. .......
as he wasn't even going to order any fertility testing- due to the fact that there's was no evidence of mc
then I asked the 4th time & dh asked as well...he reluctently aggreed
(I'm thinking 'no evidence' what about the emotional scarring?? why would I make this up???)

BUT IN THE SAME BREATH HE REFERRED ME TO A reproductive endocrinologist?????? ............. I was just their from 05-07????

I felt like .....HE just wanted to pass the buck to someone else ..............just To shut me up. : (...........

What good does it do to get PG only to MC AGAIN ...
a Reproductive Endocrinologist- RE..... IS NOT GOING TO FIND OUT WHY I KEEP MC'ING... THAT DOESN'T FIX THE PROBLEM!!!
( sorry to shout but I'm frustrated & upset )

I've already done the RE thing....w/ 6 clomid round, 2 iui's...(& btw all my pg happened w/o any RE treatments)

THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE PROBLEM it's still there..........
I have NO problem getting pg it's staying PG!!! & I can't stay pg for a reason.

So once again no-one will order the freakin' tests to prove this is in-fact the problem ............................
So I try to tell myself ok ..IF that is the problem what is the coarse of treatment..
being a nurse I'm able to answer certain questions & have an idea what may come next.
Since md's won't help me I'll figure it out myself .............
so I CAN BE ALL THE MORE FRUSTRATED.

ya know fertility issues are hard enough to deal w/ .....BUT RIGHT NOW I'M MORE FRUSTRATED NOT AT THIS BODY OF MINE .........
THAT WON'T COOPERATE..... BUT AT ALL THE PHYSICIANS & MD'S WHO DON'T LISTEN TO THEIR PATIENTS......

It's highly possible that at this point that I would decide...

ok the treatment is too much; there's too much of a high risk factor ........ we are going to finalize an adoption this year ...
maybe I'm simply not meant to conceive a bio child...
I mean how many times do I have to be beat over the head before I get it...........

Maybe, probably, I'll say defanitely If after 7 years of TTC, if I had even 1 child at all ......... If we already had an adoption happen....
I'm sure I wouldn't be so focused on this so much.
I know I would NOT feel sooo *** frustrated.

Believe it or not I have not been in this mood for all these months since April.....
but that's what I'm saying there is NO resolution.
No reason. No answers. No babies. Little hope. All these thoughts hover under the surface & wait to erupt yet again at any time.....
It's like a death that never entirely happens.......always a tiny ray of hope.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I was in menopause- then I'd know there's no hope of babies
& I could just move on & forget about all this 'stuff' and finding answers & fixing the problem

wow~ I'm just a little ray of sunshine today.... sorry to bring ya 'll down


**btw on the adoption front we are getting more activity...if chosen the baby due dates would be August 25/ & Oct 3.

All I want at this point is CLOSURE/ ANSWERS........ & I'm trying to be OK w/ the fact that ...... that may NOT EVER HAPPEN .....

__________________