I kind of disappeared. So much going on that I couldn't keep up and needed to get some things straight in my head.

First off, I still don't know what we are going to do yet as far as still TTCing. I have an appointment tomorrow at the same OB/GYN place that I was at last year when I lost the baby - exactly one year and one day ago. How weird is that? Today marks a year since I lost Jason so it has been a sad day for me. But for the first time in 3 years I finally feel at peace with those losses and feel I can finally move forward without the depression and anger inside of me anymore over it. I am learning to appreciate what I have, not what I don't have and may never have. It's been a long rough road to get to this point but I think I have arrived.

I've been working out and eating low-carbs. I've lost one size and 15 pounds. I was getting pretty good at running on my treadmill as well when I caught bronchitis over a week ago and today will be the first time back on my treadmill in over a week. Hopefully I will bounce right back at it.

Anyway, I am still struglling with short cycles and long cycles. I did have an ultrasound done last month of my ovaries and they found a cyst on my right ovary. The doctor seems to think this could be causing my cycle changes. So far this cycle seems pretty normal but I've been thinking that for a while now and then boom! it either goes long or short. I was told to wait the cyst out and it would most likely go away on its own.

That said, I am still seeing my endocrinologist about my blood sugar problems and she is putting me back on Metformin. She also seems to think that it could help me with my ovaries functioning better instead of cysts and cycles all out of whack. I had to laugh because she compared Metformin to fertility drugs - she said it acted like a fertility boost to some women who had trouble with their blood sugars and had a hard time conceiving. Never quite had it put that way to me before.

I told DH the other night when we were out walking that I wasn't sure if I wanted to even TTC anymore. I told him that it has taken me such a long time to come to terms with the losses that I didn't think I could take another loss. With no assurance that any pregnancy I have will go to term, I don't think I have the energy to even go through it again. I've been struggling so hard with health issues and DH has repeatedly said he'd rather have me here and healthy than to lose me in a pregnancy.

Like I said above, I have an appointment tomorrow with the OB/GYN office and will discuss with them if it is suitable to continue or to just let go. I am sure they are going to want to run some more blood tests so we shall see. They will only go so far in treating infertility so I guess I will know more tomorrow.

I need to update FF as I am having lots of watery CM right now - that would be the correct timeframe if my cycle is going to be "normal" this month. I had lots of pain in my upper thigh and around my right ovary the other day. It was so bad I could hardly walk and had to take some medicine just to get to sleep. I think the cycst might have ruptured - I was warned it might. I don't know how big it was but i think it must not have been very big.

So keep me in your prayers and I'll know more in the next couple of weeks what's going to happen.

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I hope you find the answers you need!

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I'm so glad you came by with an update. I've been chart stalking and wondering about you. Good luck with your appt. tomorrow, and let us know how it goes. And..... it's absolutely true about the metformin! I've seen quite a few gals here on the boards conceive while on it. Ya never know.

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Where did I come from?" the baby asked its mother. She answered, half-crying, half-laughing, and clasping the baby to her breast: "You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling. You were in the dolls of all my childhood games. In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother, and in her mother before her, you have lived."
--Rabindranath Tagore

(((hugs)))

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Lynne

Wife to Ron (24 years)
Mom to 12 beautiful children here on earth and 5 precious babies awaiting our reunion in heaven.
mc #1 ~ 2-1-94 @ 10 weeks
mc #2 ~ 5-13-94 @12 weeks
mc #3 ~ 5-13-99 @ 8 weeks
mc #4 ~ 3-24-01 @ 10 1/2 weeks (identical twins)
Justin 11-14-84
Jason 2-17-88
Elizabeth 11-17-91
Daniel 12-16-92
Josiah 8-5-95
Isaiah 5-7-97
Hannah 10-10-98
Sarah (twin) 9-23-00 (40 wks 1 day) 7 lbs. 3 ozs.
Elijah (twin) 9-23-00 7 lbs.5 ozs.
Jeremiah 3-18-02
Abigail 7-13-03
Isabella 2-5-06

Before you were conceived I wanted you, before you were born I loved you, and before you were 1 minute old I would have died for you.

Sher I hope you find the answers you need....Good Luck!

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"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the trip worthwhile..”
Franklin P. Adams

Michelle 41

Hi Sher.
Thanks for the update.
Congrats on your exercise and weight loss. This is what I need to do b4 the summer.
I hope you find your answers and get an unexpected BFP from all this healthy living.

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My Chart below:
http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/771d6 The Optimist

How was your appt. Sher? Are you feeling any better?

__________________

Where did I come from?" the baby asked its mother. She answered, half-crying, half-laughing, and clasping the baby to her breast: "You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling. You were in the dolls of all my childhood games. In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother, and in her mother before her, you have lived."
--Rabindranath Tagore

Psst.... looking for an update. I notice your cy is longer this time. How's it going?

__________________

Where did I come from?" the baby asked its mother. She answered, half-crying, half-laughing, and clasping the baby to her breast: "You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling. You were in the dolls of all my childhood games. In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother, and in her mother before her, you have lived."
--Rabindranath Tagore