hi all! This will be open and honest, please do not judge me

I just turned 36 in and just started trying to conceive with my husband of 5 years, I would say we tried the past two months and nothing has happened yet, as I am writing, I am expecting my period again this month - or at least it feels like it. blah... you name any symptom of PMS, and I get it all!!

I have been also feeling quesy right before the period comes too. I think from nerves mostly....I have never been exact on my menstration cycle, I have gone between 26 days -33 days, especially as I have gotten older, and the last 2-3 months I have been getting my period on the 30th day. I am afraid that is a sign, that I am losing my fertility. I have been pregnant before, a few years ago and (please do not JUDGE) I will honestly say, I had to have an abortion. There were things going on that were really terrible in our family, and I felt it was the right decision. And now between all you strangers and me, I regret it, and I hate to say that, because I believe what is meant to be will be and we all learn from things and I can't stay stuck in the past but I feel badly about it, thinking maybe I will not get this chance again

ok, right now I am very sad and emotional, most likely from my time of the month.

anyways, I just wanted to talk to ladies who might understand me...I want to have a family, I have a great man and I am ready to be a mommy, I am scared, frustrated...I am excited and nervous, what if I won't be a good mom, what if it never happens for me....

well, that is all for now. anyone in the same boat with me?