Enough!!

deeceetoo · #1 (**permalink**) 03-31-2006, 08:27 AM

Ok, since no one has stepped up yet, I'm still throwing around commands as if I were still hosting. So, ENOUGH!!

Wipe that slate clean. Let's ALL start fresh. I'm not accepting that this is harder for us than others. I'm not accepting that this is an "age thing". It can't be. MOST women our age can conceive without any issues, wether nulliparous or multiparrous, so WE CAN TOO!

I don't care what we do: Meditation, yoga, running, cycling, swinging. WHATEVER! But we all need to get into the frame of mind that we can do this. The only thing that should stop us is full blow menopause (and even then not necessarily without a struggle.

I know that financially it can be tough, but then lets try to do the stuff that won't be such a hardship: Eat better, jog around the block, be more positive.

What do you guys say? Shall we post a daily positive affirmation? Or do it weekly? I'm not saying that we can't get pissed over a whacky cycle, but over ALL we need to improve our attitude.

I'm NOT caving in to stupid stats and numbers. Can't afford to right now. Later, maybe, but NOT now.

Who's in???

Dance0704 · #2 (**permalink**) 04-01-2006, 01:02 PM

Dee-
I'm sure you're wondering what's going on, with 50 views and no replies. I know how that freaks me out. I myself have looked at this post several times. This is one of those times that I wish we were talking over coffee instead of writing from miles away.

I SOOOOOOOOOOO want to be there with you. I admire and respect you so much. Your attitude, caring and support for other people is downright amazing. You are truly a rare find in today's world. I just don't know if I'm in a place to summon that energy right now. For me, it's not so much about statistics, etc., although I do dread my 40th birthday if there's no bfp before then. After Ella's diagnosis, I look at statistics in a completely different way. We had so many "1 in a (fill in the blank, big number)" issues that I don't feel comfortable with any statistics. Does that make sense? It's so hard to explain in writing. I'm terrified that I won't get pg, but I'm also scared of being pg and having lightening strike again. I'm afraid of something still happening with my son's undiagnosed health problems. I guess I'm just gun shy. And I'm tired. I'm doing my best to continue with our life, both for myself and for my family, but things have been really tough lately. And instead of feeling like I'm doing something positive when I do "good" things for myself, I just feel like I've keep making these sacrifices and changing my life without a reward. I know how awful that sounds, but it's been over seven years, and I think I'm just tired. I was so good the 2+ years of TTC Brian, then during the time before I got pg and miscarried and then with Ella. I just don't have the focus to do it all anymore, and I can't convince myself that it matters if I have a diet coke or not. I see so many examples of people doing ALL the wrong things, and sometimes I think if it's supposed to happen, it will. That makes the control freak in me crazy, because I want to believe I have a big effect on the outcome, but I'm just not sure anymore.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not dancing on bars until 3:00 a.m. or anything, and I exercise regularly and try to watch what I eat, take my vitamins, etc., but I just can't do it all anymore. Please don't take this as a criticism. Like I said--I WANT to be there with you, and I think this post is awesome. I just wanted you to know why I haven't jumped on the bandwagon, even though I've read this a bunch of times.

I'm certainly here to support all of you who have the focus and energy to join Dee--you are all great women, and you all deserve to have babies in your arms very soon. God Bless you all.

deeceetoo · #3 (**permalink**) 04-01-2006, 02:10 PM

Then you are doing something!! As I said, you're not listening to the numbers. And the fact that you are "letting go" of the constraints, then you ARE doing something and you ARE with me. What I am saying in all of this is that we have to meet it according to OUR own terms, whether we want to go fast or slow, whatever the case, it's how WE choose to go about it.

Dance0704 · #4 (**permalink**) 04-01-2006, 02:43 PM

As always--thanks for being so supportive and understanding. This board is an amazing place, largely because of YOU.

staci · #5 (**permalink**) 04-01-2006, 03:30 PM

I was one who viewed the post but wasn't ready to respond as well. I am just so obsessed with my temperature, every twinge in my body, and every mood I move through that it has obviously taken control of my life! I am often jealous of people around me who are pg and who get pg very easily without any complications. I was one of those people and now I can't and it is eating away at me. I FEEL negative all the time and I THINK about being pregnant ALL the time that it worries me. I have 2 beautiful children that I should be devoting every minute to and I have my husband that picks up the slack of my moods! I am also neglecting myself and my weight which I feel is causing a barrier between my husband and I. He has put exercise and eating better on the front burner and I haven't. Part of it has to do with lent. Anyway I'm the one that runs the kids to all the activities and monitors homework, lunches, clothes for the next day etc... and I feel my time is taken away. I don't want to go to the gym at 9:00 at night when all is calm in the household I want to veg on the couch with my ice cream and clicker! Also-I take the meds that add the weight! I have gained sooo much weitght since I have started this ttc#3 journey in 2003-between clomid, progesterone and femara I've probably put on 50lbs.
Ok-I'm rambling and way off topic Sorry. I want to be in that place Dee and I want to think "if its not this month it will be next month" but I can't. Not with 40 ticking away at me. Help me be postive-I'll take suggestions?? I will support all these wonderful women whenever I can!
Thanks Dee for being you and for caring. Thanks for giving us some focus!

deeceetoo · #6 (**permalink**) 04-02-2006, 07:02 AM

Staci, I'll tell you what I think your "problem" is, and you can laugh at me if you want. It's just a guess. But I'm thinking you aren't doing enough for Staci. When is the last time you had a pedicure (a good one!! at a good salon!!), or a manicure? Have you ever treated yourself to a massage? Or even just walked into a store and bought yourself a little something without any guilt. Naps? Time for yourself where NOBODY is allowed to bother you? ANYTHING!!! But it has to be "selfish" just for you, nobody else can share it with you. I mean, you can take maybe one or two girlfriends to get a pedicure, but not anyone who is negative or anyone who will turn it into a HER day.

How many people in your life right now just suck the energy right out of you? I don't mean kids, they're supposed to do that

I mean friends that you have known for a long time you should no longer really hang around because they simply are negative forces in your life. I've "divorced" several friends over the last 4 years. Because it is hard to stay positive, and the last thing I need when I am trying to keep from drowning are friends that are hanging on to my ankles.

I recently said pretty much the same to a friend of mine. She had said she couldn't afford a pedicure ($50) and then we walked into Belk's because she had to buy her daughter a pair of Lucky's ($108). WHAT???? Uh, I don't think so. I made he buy her daughter a pair of cool Levi's and we went and got our pedicures. Her daughter wasn't so happy and it took my friend a week to get over feeling guilty, but in the end she said her new pink toes made her feel fresh and happy.

How far off the mark am I?

staci · #7 (**permalink**) 04-02-2006, 10:16 AM

You are right on...with tears in my eyes! I also just read an email from my mom-she sent one of those forwards. It said I am sending you some angels ( and something else) anyway basically have faith and what you seek will come! Uggh..I just cried and it is a damn email! But I know she's aware of what I want and the 2 m/c's last year and I haven't given any recent news. i DO need to do something for me WITHOUT GUILT! I'll let you know what I come up with! A pedicure is due since our weather is turning about now (80's)!
Thanks Dee you are GREAT GIRL!

JulieD · #8 (**permalink**) 04-03-2006, 10:57 AM

I am right there with you!! I need a positive attitude. I need to control what I can control and let go of the rest. I wasn't in a good place last cycle and it really showed me how I need to step off this roller coaster and live my life. Really live it!

I am back to eating healthy as of today (after a bad two weeks). I went running this morning and then did my weights. Feels great!

And I just know that I am still working towards my goal . . . providing a healthy home for my sticky bean that is awaiting me!

Thanks for this post, D. Love the positive attitude that surrounds you! Count me in!