First off, I just registered, so I want to say Hi! to everyone.
Well where to begin...I feel like I can't seem to slow down my brain these days lol. I usually have pretty decent control over my emotions in terms of how much I'll allow another person to upset my emotions, but lately that has not been the case. My boyfriend (or fiance rather, just without the engagement ring yet ) is an amazing man. He's kind, he's thoughtful, he's faithful, he respects me, he's very family orientated, and to be honest, before meeting him I had pretty much completely lost hope in ever finding what felt like the perfect relationship. So now that I've found my perfect relationship, there has to a be a catch right? Yep. The crazy ex. Now I know it sounds rude, judgmental, and presumptuous to automatically call her "the crazy ex", as I'm sure that's usually the new girlfriend's tag on the ex. Believe me, in the beginning of our relationship I had absolutely zero animosity towards this woman. I hoped to be civil, if not even friendly with her. Coming into a relationship with a man that already has a kid is hard, and I believe you should go into it prepared to take on all aspects of it. So from the start I had it set in my mind to do my best to be friendly with his ex for his sake and the sake of his son. Everything was going fine for a few months until she started asking tons of questions about me (which again is understandable to want to know who is being brought around your children) but she was asking these questions in a really rude way. Assuming the worst about me from the very beginning. She had a problem because my boyfriend and I have a pretty decent age gap and that to her means that I'm unfit to be around her son, just because I'm younger (10 years younger). But from the beginning I enjoyed spending time with him and his son, and throughout our relationship I've grown to love his son too, and in my opinion that should be the most important concern in her eyes. Most of the time that my boyfriend gets visitation time I'm actually the one convincing him to just cooperate with her and to take his son for that time (she has a habit of constantly breaking their visitation agreement, by either randomly dropping her son off or calling and screaming at my boyfriend until he agrees).::: At this point, I realize this post is going to be really long and confusing so thanks in advance to anyone reading it :::
I always knew that she was the one that left him, she was cheating on him with another man, and ended up marrying him only 3 months after leaving my boyfriend, and this really devastated her children. The man she married was a very bad influence on my boyfriends son, and he's been having behavioral problems in and out of school since all this started which was like 3 years ago. Anyway, she recently found out that her husband has been cheating on her the entire time they were married! So she moved out, (thank god the kids are away from her husband now at least) the problem with this is that her brother lives across the street from the house my boyfriend and I are renting (he did not know this until AFTER signing the lease, talk about bad luck) and she started staying there earlier this summer. She started making our lives hell. She has this way of getting whatever she wants just because anyone rather just agree with her than listen to her yell (she is very vulgar and mean when she wants to be, and will say things in front of her children with no consideration for how the things she is yelling could make them feel). So naturally all of these displays of her character began to take a toll on me. I no longer wanted to be this woman's "friend". I did still want to be civil, but she kind of ruined that option as the summer went on. Her new lines while screaming would be about me, if my boyfriend ever tried to say no to taking their son outside of his visitation time, she would start screaming things about me in front of everyone. She'd walk across the street and make a scene for all the neighbors. Making threats about custody, and calling my boyfriend a bad father, and telling him to "get his head out of his girlfriend's ***". Things like that last comment about me really get to me, as I feel I go above and beyond with efforts with her son. I even watch her son sometimes when she doesn't want to deal with him and my boyfriend's working, yet she still has the audacity to talk about me openly. She complains about wanting my boyfriend at the parent teacher conferences now, after trying to stop him from going for the 3 years she was with her husband. Of course I tell him he should go, but it makes me upset to know that when she finds someone else (which shes in the middle of doing as we speak) she will just try to take the kids out of my boyfriend's life once again. Basically, she is a pretty selfish woman, she is mostly out for money, and she isn't a very nice mother to her children (you guys wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've heard her say to her kids )

So, getting to the main point, my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. We are very close to closing on our new home, which is a dream house to both of us. It's a really big house (way too big for the two of us, but hopefully it won't be just the two of us for much longer ) and we have been talking about maybe TTC sometime soon. Of course this got me super excited, yet at the same time it brought up all these issues for me to deal with emotionally. From the perspective of being a new mom, with no other children, it sort of makes me sad to think that this will all be new and exciting for me, but that he's already been through it all before with her. For some reason this makes me feel like it won't be as special or important. So while dealing with all of this stuff, we got to talking about how his son came to be. I had never really asked for details because well who wants details about that really lol? But curiosity got the best of me and I allowed him to tell me the story. So last night after talking about TTC, he tells me that he met her on day 1, they slept together on day 3, and 2 weeks exactly after day 1 (not day 3) is when she said "oops I'm pregnant." You can imagine my surprise at this information I'm sure. My mind was like blown away and it still is this morning. This woman already had another son who was 3 at the time that my boyfriend met her. And they were young when this happened, like around 21. You've got to understand that my boyfriend is not the type of guy to leave, force an abortion, or anything like that, he loves his son and he still takes care of this woman's other son who isn't even his. And she is very ungrateful when it comes to that, she just expects him to do everything for her other son too, even when we don't have much money. He has always said that he felt that she purposely did this to to try trap him. At first I took that with a grain of salt, as a hurtful statement coming from a scorned man :/ but now I'm not so sure. I feel bad for my boyfriend after hearing this, all that he's ever wanted was a "perfect family" in his words, and I feel like he was greatly taken advantage of by his ex, and he still is being taken advantage of. He says he sometimes wonders if his son isn't even his, he's actually pretty sure that he might not be, but a DNA test is kind of pointless considering my boyfriend would still raise his son as he has since he was born. I'm really having trouble dealing with all of this, emotionally this woman is overwhelming me. She calls far too often, expects far too much of us both, and then just yells at everyone anyway. He won't even allow his son to tell her the house we're getting isn't a rental for fear of what she might try to do to get more money in child support. The thought of TTC, or even being pregnant with this woman's presence in my life kind of scares me. It's sad because if she wasn't how she is, I would have no other thing keeping me back from wanting to have a baby with him. I'm just afraid that once she finds out she will try to make my life a living hell. So I don't even know if I have a question exactly, I mostly needed to vent, I don't need to put more stress on my boyfriend than she already does...lol...it's more or less like what does anyone think about this situation, and should I just discount her as a factor in TTC? Am I wrong for letting her affect me so much? I don't know what to do to get this situation under better control, this woman makes my blood pressure rise I can feel it right now. Sorry for the length, especially on my 1st post .