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bree08 · #1 (**permalink**) 10-26-2010, 05:10 PM

Hey girls. I feel like the only time I start a thread is when I need to vent! I'm sorry about that!!!

I have been handling IF pretty good the last few months and I've been enjoying a break! My DH and I have been getting along so much better because I haven't talked about adoption or IVF. I don't know what happened, but the last few weeks it's ALL I THINK ABOUT! Having a baby is on my mind 24/7! I almost feel like my desire to be a mom is stronger than ever. I just started thinking the other day that nothing in my life has gone the way I wanted it to and things are always harder for me. So my issue is really my DH.. I know that sounds mean! I am "trying" so hard to save money. I've been trying to pay on my credit card more and also put money in the savings. Well my DH is trying to spend it as fast as I save it! He wants another car (not needed) and he wants to buy new Skiis and a Ski pass. I agree he should be able to ski if he wants to, but I asked him to wait one more season since it's so expensive and I'm trying to save money....and this upset him! He keeps telling me we can't afford IVF or adoption again and he doesn't want to throw another $10,000 out the window for a chance. I told him yeah.. but you'll throw another $10,000 out on Skiis and a car? He said at least he'll know he got something. I told him he's being selfish. He told me tonight that my obsession over having a kid is going to end our marriage

I just want to sit here and cry, but he's sitting next to me. I am so hurt. My entire life all I've ever wanted is to be a mom and now my desire to have a child is going to end my marriage? It seems so unfair! I told him that I can stop obsessing if I have a concrete plan and if he'll talk to me about what he wants and he won't do that. I love my husband (being mean or not) and I don't want to lose him, but what do I do? I know this desire will never go away. I will regret not trying anymore if I give up now. I understand we don't have money, but I am willing to go in debt to be a mom! I honestly feel so lost and I don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry this is so long I could probably go on forever. Thank you girls