I am alive.

Alynn · #1 (**permalink**) 08-04-2004, 05:09 PM

Hi Girls,
I'm so sorry to be gone for so long. Last cycle was another doosie and I found myself superstitious about posting. I started my Follistim and within 7 days I had 13 follies, with my E2 number indicating that 8 of the 13 were mature, my lining was at 12. I thought I'd be cancelled, no IUI, but the RE's office proposed turning the cycle into an IVF cycle. I nearly freaked out. I emailed our resident expert, Sandy, and she walked me through the pros and cons of it. After all the panic the RE's office called and said they'd let me do 1/2 a trigger and IUI. Dh's counts were fantastic. The IUI went well. Of course the 2ww was a really bad one. The waiting nearly killed me. I wanted to post for support but this weird superstition kicked in and I couldn't do it. Don't ask me why, I never get like that. Anyway, the cycle ended on Saturday with a BFN. Everything perfect and still a BFN.

I went in for cd3 b/w and I'm loaded with left over follies/cysts. About 7 of them, all above 24mm. So, I started BCP's yesterday. Now, here's my latest dilemma…..since I'm on the BCP's anyway we are thinking of starting IVF. Our insurance will cover 2 more injectible/IUI cycles, and my RE is recommending trying 1 (maybe 2) more cycles before recommending IVF. I just think I've had enough. Dh feels the same way. We are going to think it through for a week or so. Since I'm on the BCP's anyway we might as well take some time and think about this.

I'm still handling things well. My Dh is the best, so supportive and involved. Patches is doing well. We've enjoyed some great time this summer at the lake. We were there for the last 14 days….I never wanted to come home.

I've been lurking and thinking of each of you. I missed you all so much. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. Thank you all for thinking of me and asking about me.

SandyLyn · #2 (**permalink**) 08-04-2004, 05:34 PM

Oh sh!t, Andrea.

I was so hoping that this cycle was the one. %$#@! I am so sorry. I remember my bcp cycle when I was loaded with cysts and it was really hard - it's hard enough to have the bfn, but to have to wait to cycle again is always annoying.

Hmmm....what to do. I can't say I disagree with your thoughts about skipping to IVF. My only regrets about Dr. H's office is that I did too many cycles before we *checked* everything out, only to find that I had a partially blocked tube and he thought my dh had a mild male factor issue. Since our initial dx was recurrent m/c, I did not have a full IF workup but apparently I did have a slight tubal thing going on....by the time we got to that point we were really fed up and I sometimes wonder if we had done those things first if we would have actually gotten pg.

I think doctors forget how mentally/emotionally difficult it is to go cycle after cycle. And they will say things like "well, if you develop cysts you just take a rest cycle". Looking back, I KNOW that a rest cycle is really only 28 little days, but at the time it feels like years. A few extra IUI cycles to the RE is no big deal, but to the couple going through it is is a big deal.

It is definitely possible that you might do one more IUI cycle and it will work, and you'll have saved your IVF money for something else....if only we could see that future! I know that is what I always said about adoption -- I was always 100% supportive of adoption but just wished I KNEW whether to keep trying to get pg or not. Eventually, I decided the stress of trying was overshadowing the idea of becoming a parent, so we moved on....

Can you get in for an IVF consult soon to discuss what you'd need to do to move forward? They do periodically have lab "shut downs" for cleaning, etc., so you'll want to check in to make sure you don't have to wait -- if that's the case you may want to go forward with the IUI cycles. (I think many labs shut down for ~2-3 weeks once or twice a year).

I'm so glad you posted and are doing well. Your lake vacation sounds absolutely fabulous! I'm so jealous! Keep in touch!

MendelZ · #3 (**permalink**) 08-04-2004, 05:40 PM

Hi Andrea!

I'm so sorry that you got a bfn after a perfect cycle--I know exactly how disappointed and frustrated you feel! It totally sucks to have such a fabulous cycle and end up with a bfn and a village of cysts to boot! Yep, been there, done that!

You've been through 3-4 injectable cycles, right? I can totally understand your wanting to move on! I want to give you my perspective as someone who has gone through what you are going through and subsequently moved on to adoption. If you move on to IVF now, it is possible that you may not want to move back to injectables later bc psychologically you may not want to "go backwards" in your treatment. I know that I felt this way when I went from clomid to injectables. I'm not saying that you shouldn't move on to IVF, because I've certainly been there with the "had it up to here" frustration and decided against even pursuing IVF bc of my multiple mcs. Plus, if your insurance covers more injectable cycles then you may have no problem with trying them after IVF (but of course, you won't need any more treatments after your IVF

ers ).

Whatever you decide, I hope that your village of cysts goes away SOON and that you get your bfp with the next treatment cycle!

Karen

Kritter · #4 (**permalink**) 08-04-2004, 07:58 PM

Hi Andrea!
I'm so glad you checked in with us, and I'm sorry you've been going through such a rough time. I did get your reply to my other message and I totally understand your needing time away from the boards, I think we have all had our ups and downs with them! I'm glad you had a nice long vacation up at the lake, it sounds wonderful and I'm so jealous! It stinks about the village of cysts and having to take another rest cycle, but at least it is giving you and dh a little time to take a step back and decide what path to take next. It's not an easy decision to be sure, my only advice would be to go with your own gut feeling and not worry so much about what your insurance will cover or what the dr's want you to do. Like Sandy said, the dr.'s forget about the emotional side of ttc, it's not just a science to us, it's our lives! So give it some thought and hang in there! And remember we're here for you no matter what you decide!

KerriM · #5 (**permalink**) 08-05-2004, 06:11 AM

HI and I am so glad to have you back, despite everything that you have had to go through. I am so sorry. I don't know if you are looking for thoughts or opinions, I hope it is ok to state mine.

You respond INCREDIBLY to stims!! For that reason, I think you should skip the IUIs and go forward to IVF. I know it is a big step to take and there is a lot of emotion and money involved, but I think that you would do so great. I am sure they would be able to retrieve a ton of eggs and then they could watch the fert. process and see what is happening.

Again, I know it is easy to say when it is someone else going through it, but I feel like you have been through enough with IUI. I am sorry I forget, 3 or 4 IUIs, but I know that originally I was going to do 6, and then knocked my thoughts down to 4 when I realized that the %% of success is that much higher with the IVF.

Of course no matter what you decide, we are here to support you. Your vacation sounds awesome by the way, and give Patches a hug from us.

Kerri

LesaMK · #6 (**permalink**) 08-05-2004, 08:29 AM

Andrea - I am so happy to hear frm you. I was really worried that you were way down in the dumps. I am so sorry yet another cycle failed when everything was going so well. I, of course am partial to IVF since it worked for both Jane and I on the 1st try. I only did 2 IUI cycles but that was only b/c that was all my insurance paid for and I wasn't about to spend alot of money on something that had such a reduced success rate frm IVF. I figured, if we are spending money, we are going all of the way. For me, once I made the decision to move to IVF, I was pretty calm. I was very calm thruoghout the whole cycle too. I never felt that way with the IUI's for some reason. I was stressed to the max all of the time and horribly down when they failed. My vote would be to move on, but it's a personal decision and when money is a factor, it's even more personal. Do you have any coverage for IVF? Have you checked into cost share plans? If you don't have any coverage, I would definately look into the cost share plan. It's a gamble and if you get pg on the first shot like me, you blew double the money...but then again, I was doubly blessed with twins so I really don't care. My friend got pg on the first shot but m/c. There were just too many unknown factors to consider, I had no doublt about going with the cost share plan.

Whatever decision you make, we are behind you all of the way. In one way, it's easy to say do the IUI's since you have coverage still, but in another way...I just feel like sometimes you just need to move on for your own sanity. Success rates are much higher with IVF and they can get a better picture if something is wrong with your eggs either not being good quality or not fertilizing...ect.

Keep us posted - I'm glad you're back, it wasn't the same without you.

KimAnne · #7 (**permalink**) 08-06-2004, 04:05 PM

Andrea -

I'm so sorry this last cycle was a bust and now you have to sit it out. I've been there too many times to count with those blasted cysts. Yuck!

All I can say on the IVF front is that it was worth it to me. I was emotionally tired and figured IVF could at least give some sort of answers if nothing else -which it has done in a good way. It's a tough decision though! Whatever, you decide we're behind you all the way.

Hellen · #8 (**permalink**) 08-07-2004, 06:42 AM

Hey Andrea!

I was looking forward to "seeing" you when I got back on the boards, so it was great to hear from you!

I'm really sorry about the cycle bust! After all the wonderful advice from the others, I don't really have too much to add!

You and I are in similar positions...been TTC since 9-2001, respond fantastically to injectibles, and are wondering in IVF is the thing for us!

I just went to my dr yesterday for my 1st f/u after the m/c. She wanted to do b/w to check for several different antibodies: lupus anticoagulants, antiphospholipids, and another one I don't remember. I'm really, really hoping I test positive for something!! (isn't that strange?)

She mentioned IVF to me as the way to go, but my situation has become different from yours. I've conceived twice in the last year, but I've m/c both times. BOTH times were without IUI, without meds, without doctor's assistance!!! That's what's so frustrating!!!

I'm just not sure about going through all of the med stuff right now when conception may not be my issue!!!

ANYWAY! I'm happy to see you back, but I'm so sorry that you aren't coming back to tell us you're on the grads list! I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts your way!!!!

Hellen

hopingforbaby · #9 (**permalink**) 08-11-2004, 12:01 AM

Hi Andrea

It is nice to hear from you but I am sorry you are down at the moment and your cycle was a bust. The others have certainly made good points about whether to move onto IVF and at the end of day its a personal choice that only you and DH can make together. I personally know how you feel because I have had enough and want to move onto IVF for our own sanity and to increase our chances. A good point was made about whether you would move backwards in your treatment, I had never thought of it until now and no I probably wouldnt want to move backwards so IVF for us would be our last chance to have our own child and that is SCAREY but also exciting ! Good luck for what ever decision your make and we will all be here for you.