4 years and going!

Missymonkey · #1 (**permalink**) 03-26-2008, 10:38 AM

So I am super irritable today, my first day of clomid this cy, blagh.

I post mostly on the cycle buddies section but I don't feel like I fit in because I don't want to test every day, hour, whatever. I get symptoms (crampy, sore breasts etc) and I don't get all hopeful that it is because I'm pregnant. And I am just so down about the whole process. But I can't seem to give up, we really don't want to adopt ($$$). I used to chart my symptoms on my calendar and I gave that up a couple of cys ago. People say "stop trying and it'll happen" how can anyone who wants a baby ever stop trying?

I look at our nursery which we painted three years ago, and at all the random things that I've bought at rummage sales and goodwill like baby clothes and toys and even a new crib and I can't imagine selling them or getting rid of them.

The four years are weighing heavy on me today I guess.

tai · #2 (**permalink**) 03-26-2008, 02:27 PM

i hate the stop trying and it will happen" comments especially when it works! we went on the pill for 7 months after 2 years of tryng. we decided to try more treatments so i went off the pill but we wernt trying just yet. my second month off the pill i scheduled an appt to have a lap done...a week befor the surgery i found out i was pg!

i got all these i told you so comments and a few others ....it made me so mad when ppl did that!

i hope you get your miracle baby soon! i know clomid isnt fun! i did about 8 cys of it. i had a few mental break downs along the way.

Missymonkey · #3 (**permalink**) 03-29-2008, 01:41 PM

Mental breakdowns is my middle name!

It looks like we will have to take the summer off of trying since I won't be working (head start blag) and my unemployment checks are going to just get us by. I don't like the idea of taking three or four months off of treatments but I also don't like the idea of losing my house!

Missy

who knows maybe this summer with all that time to ourselves, perhaps we just might get preggo.

tai · #4 (**permalink**) 03-30-2008, 04:52 PM

good luck! enjoy your clomid break! i know its hard to go on a "break" but sometimes its worth clearing your head kwim?

khickey · #5 (**permalink**) 03-31-2008, 03:33 AM

I think Clomid is a mental breakdown aid! It makes me very emotional and a raving lunatic at times. Good luck to you!

Tkeys · #6 (**permalink**) 03-31-2008, 10:20 AM

Oh, Missy - I'm at the 1 year mark, but I keep peeking in over here because sometimes I feel like we're on the fast track to hitting 2 years, also.

While we aren't in the same situation you are, I know how hard it is . . . and I know how hard it can be on the Cycle Buddies board, too. I don't bother to test most months, and I don't have that excitement every month, and I pretty much ignore all signs and symptoms because I just know I'll be let down if I get excited. I'm even more worried about the timing because we are not young anymore, so time is not on our side, either.

As for the break - breaks suck, especially when they feel like they've been forced on you. I've certainly had my fair share of them, too. Michelle (tai) is right, though - sometimes a break can do some good. Have you considered going back on bcps during your break? Sometimes, that can reset the system - I know I'm most fertile the month or two immediately following bcps (my bad hormones get suppressed).

I know you've been doing Clomid and IUI . . . I can't remember if you have you also been through all the testing? It is frustrating when you are just shooting in the dark and trying to figure out why. Perhaps during your time off, you can look into some of the herbal alternatives, and a healthy "fertility" diet, and exercise. . . all kinds of things to prepare your body for when you resume again.

I don't believe in the "stop trying it will happen" approach. Sometimes there are real medical problems, and just waiting doesn't change any of that. Sometimes, if you wait enough cycles, you do just happen to strike the lottery even when the odds are stacked against you. I do believe in giving yourself a mental break to recharge, but I always feel like seeking out solutions is the key. If something hasn't been working, try something else! Sooner or later, I believe you can hit on that magic combination that works for you, but it absolutely takes perseverance. For us, we decided to give IVF a try. There might be other things that could work, but I'm tired of waiting. And if IVF doesn't work for us . . . well, who knows. DH & I have already talked about having him try some traditional chinese medicine - maybe herbs and accupuncture to see if that helps his count if IVF fails the first time. There are so many options out there, and keep seeking an answer until you find the path that fits you and gives you an answer that satisfies you.

DH & I are considering adoption . . . if this IVF fails, we will go on an adoption list. I want to know that we will have an option to start a family if IVF doesn't work for us. But, everyone is different - you have to trust your own feelings in this process. Good luck, and stay strong. Just know you aren't alone.

tai · #7 (**permalink**) 03-31-2008, 01:02 PM

well said!

Missymonkey · #8 (**permalink**) 04-06-2008, 03:11 PM

Thanks for all the kind words!

I think I am the most mental person in the world sometimes! I'm pretty sure my husband keeps a straight jacket hidden under the bed in case of emergencies....

Missy