I am new to all of this, and stressed....so bear with me.
The facts: sahm, 3 month old baby, 19lbs!, strictly bf, always wants to be held, NO CIO.
Naps: he won't nap. It takes an hour to get him to sleep for 15 mins. He will sleep while bf'ing, but as soon as I try to take the nipple out he is wide awake. He wants to suck constantly.(tried removal....50+times, he won't stop rooting). Occasionally he will fall asleep in the car, stroller or bjorn, but more often he screams.
If something is going to work it has to be constant, vigorous motion(walking with the bjorn works best). But I can't go for an hour long walk 3times a day, everyday! And don't even think about putting him down drowsy!
And IF I do get him to sleep, he never sleeps more than an hour, and that is on top of me.
Nights:We have a routine, though I must confess it has gotten interfered with fairly often.
IF he isn't too overtired it takes about an hour to get him to sleep. He screams if I try anything other than bf'ing. Once finally down he will sleep a good stretch, then wake more and more frequently until it is every hour, and by 7am, no matter what, he is up. (fyi-he sleeps in a portable crib against my bed, then by morning I usually bring him into bed so that I dont have to get out of bed every hour)
Biggest issues: getting him to nap. getting him to sleep without sucking. decreasing night waking. getting him to sleep without screaming.
The thing that is most stressful/driving me over the edge, is that he screams when ever I try to get him to sleep. It doesn't matter what I do, or that I am holding him etc. I refuse to do CIO, but I feel like I am getting the worst of both worlds...he screams, and he won't sleep....
More often than not we spend the days and nights sobbing together, and not sleeping. Help!

hi there quirkynewmom,
first of all... big breath... hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, more hugs and love&light to you and your precious one. firstly, welcome to a place where i have found the best advice and most comfort of any book, childhood centre nurse, anyone or anything. congratulations on finding this incredible resource early on. my ds was 6months before i came across the NCSS and if i'd had it 3months ago, i feel my life would have been wildly different. it may not mean anything to you now, but THIS WILL EVENTUALLY PASS. i know because my own frustrating, torturous, tired, exhausted story sounds like a big fat 'SNAP' to yours. & i'm not even nearly out of the woods yet, i'm still stuck in some pretty dense thicket, but it changes, the challenges change. for me, sleep has always been an issue, but the first three months were overshadowed by attachment & nipple hell, then milk supply, but the last three have solidly been about sleep, the waking every hour, no nap longer than 20min kind. i don't remember if you said your baby was 'just' three months or over 3months, but at three months our ds went through a massive growth spurt and changes in behaviour. he stopped crying as much and 'almost' let us put him down for a second, so i hope that's ahead of you.

i thought i would write and let you know a couple of things that helped me through the stage you're at. my ds is now 7mnths, but screamed for the first three months of his life. if he wasn't asleep or feeding... he was screaming. he would not be put down, wrapped, swaddled or restricted in any way. he wouldn't be rocked, patted, rolled, bathed, sung or walked into a relaxed state. absolutely nothing worked. each bed time was a horrible mess of tears (mostly mine), often taking an hour and a half to settle. all day every day was about him sleeping or preparing him for sleep.

so, my life changed when my girlfriend showed me the 'angel ' wrap. have you heard of it? (i won't go into describing it, if you already know). this is fantastic for a baby who refuses to be wrapped.

we introduced a dummy (pacifier), don't know how you feel about that he stopped taking the finger to settle & i didn't want to get caught having to feed him to sleep every time.

and some incredible homeopathic drops called BRAUER 'calm'. when you come to teething, their 'teething relief' drops are amazing.

i've found sleep cues (wrapping, laying him down in my arms) & routine to be critical for my ds. it helps set his internal clock and consciously it has helped that he knows what's coming.

re: nipple removal, i've had the same issue; sometimes taking an hour to get my nipple out of his mouth. sooooooo frutrating. see my posting titled 'progress with gentle removal'. works a charm.

i wish i had found the sling earlier (not the bjorn, but like a 'babasling' [they have a website] because they can safely fall asleep and feed in them. my ds hasn't gotten the hang of it because i found it too late, he was too used to the bjorn by then)

it's so awful when they're screaming and you think "everything will be ok if i just hold him" and then it isn't and it makes them worse. i felt like i was failing him, failing myself. until recently, i cried at almost every nap and just let him fall asleep sucking at night.

there's lots more to say, but i have to go to my little one.
i will be holding you in my thoughts and check for any response from you

you're not alone!
xxxlove&light

Hello!

What you are describing sounds like Dr. Sears' high need baby. When I found that website, I was so thrilled because I found a lot of support and ideas to help!

Here's the link to his info about high need babies (babies who just seem to require more attention):

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050100.asp

What I enjoyed as my DS grew, was reading further because high need babies can become high need children - more sensitive, more emotional... but on the positive side they love deeply, and when they are happy, they are REALLY HAPPY! But I did find that my DS could be overwhelmed as a toddler if we went to a room filled with people (such as a birthday party) without trying to prepare him first - right down to what people might do when they see him ("lots of people will come and say hi to you!" "they might ask you what your name is!" and stuff like that). Anyway, here's a link to a really interesting book for the next stage, too:

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

Hope all that info helps!

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Host of:
The No Cry Sleep Solution
Attachment Parenting

For napping, I highly reccomend a different carrier. Research slings, mei tais, and such. If you can find one that is more comfortable (for you both), your son might nap longer in one and without the vigorous movement. My DD won't nap anyother way. Once you can get him to nap without the nipple in his mouth, then you can work on laying him down, if you want to. That's not a goal of mine. lol

check out www.thebabywearer.com for lists and reviews of all the different carriers out there.

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Hi,

It's amazing you basically just described my son to a T!!! I understand your frustration and as one of the last ladies wrote to you, ~It Does Get Better~ your baby will out grow the constant crying and fussing, also remeber it isn't anything you have done to make him cry, I used to think I was a horrible mom when I was trying so hard to get my son to sleep buy all means possible he fought back, but he is now one and still fights sleep a bit, but you are in for a huge treat cause High Needs Babies are so much fun as the get older. He is walking, talking and a delight to be around!! So Big Hugs momma and feel free to PM me to talk about our Spirited Babies!!!

Cheers, Aja