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Helpful links
This is a discussion on Helpful links within the No-Cry Sleep Solutions forums, part of the Parenting Babies & Toddlers category; Harvard Study Decries "Cry it out " (click HERE for link)
A quote from the article:
"Parents should ...
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to
future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard
Last edited by Zennifer : 06-11-2004 at 06:41 PM.
Reason: The link is not obvious
"Soon we could just put our son in bed and he would drift off on his own. But I missed those rocking chair times. I missed that soft little head in the crook of my arm and the quiet breathing against my skin. Now our little Ferber success story goes to the bottom of the stairs each night and asks to go to bed. If you try to rock him or cuddle him at bedtime, he squirms away. Even in the middle of the night, with a terrible cold, he refuses to be rocked or sung to. We taught him to comfort himself, not knowing we were taking away our own ability to do so for him."
"Mistaken Approaches to Nightwaking"
From Sweet Dreams: A pediatrician's secrets for your child's good night's sleep, By Paul M. Fleiss, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P. with Frederick M. Hodges, D. Phil., Lowell House, Los Angeles, 2000, Pages 22 - 28
"A baby cries to communicate to you his need for the touch, warmth, comfort, security, and love that only you can provide. Why would anyone deny such a simple, human request? Is a cuddle and a tender word such a hard thing that we cannot give it to a child in need? I personally believe that no normal, emotionally stable parents would put their precious baby through this sort of "conditioning" unless they were grievously misled....Certainly, no reasonable person can honestly believe that a baby can understand that she is being "trained" to "self-soothe" or to make a transition from a state of distress to one of relaxation. Adults know from their own experience that they themselves are unlikely to learn new tasks properly when they are crying and in a state of emotional distress."
"Perhaps what's difficult for some parents to accept is not a child's independence at night, but the age and stage at which this is supposed to arrive. Maybe sleeping through the night is similar to eating solid food and toilet training - sure, you can make it happen early, but it's likely to be less of a struggle if you wait a little while. After all, does it make sense to talk about "a rewarding goal" and "a positive self-image" in relation to an infant? What cues does a young baby give to tell us he's ready and eager to sleep independently? Not the same kind of cues that he gives when he leans open-mouthed towards a spoonful of rice cereal, that's for sure."
MYTH:
Most babies sleep through the night by six months.
FACT:
All babies awaken throughout the night, says James McKenna, an anthropologist and infant sleep researcher at the University of Notre Dame. Whether their parents are aware, though, is another story. “Some babies will simply go back to sleep while others, presumably with different needs and sensitivities, will awaken and signal their need for contact with their parent, which is not necessarily a sign of immaturity, stubbornness or attempts to manipulate.”
"If your baby is lovingly and gently transitioned to sleep, he/she will conclude that the world is safe and loving and that mom and dad are nearby to keep it that way. As she/he matures, he/she will learn to sleep more on his/her own and will gradually separate from you. It will happen faster than you expect -- you'll feel that no time has passed before you have an active toddler who doesn't like to cuddle nearly so much."
This reassuring guide to the many causes of infant crying enables parents both to make their babies happier and to cope better with their own emotions.
"Will you spoil your baby by carrying her too much, by answering her cries too quickly, or by getting into the habit of going to her when she wakes up over and over during the night? A lot of parents worry about this -- especially when their babies are extra-demanding... Research has shown that parents who are the most afraid of spoiling their babies are the most likely to produce children who act spoiled. By taking longer to answer, these parents get accustomed to the crying, and so distance themselves from their babies even more. The baby's trust in her caregivers begins to erode, which makes her quicker to cry and harder to soothe. Eventually she grows into a clingy, overly demanding, and insecure toddler."
"Develop a realistic attitude about nighttime parenting. Sleeping, like eating, is not a state you can force a baby into. Best you can do is to create a secure environment that allows sleep to overtake your baby. A realistic long- term goal is to help your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep: that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a secure state to remain in. Many sleep problems in older children and adults stem from children growing up with an unhealthy attitude about sleep—that sleep was not a pleasant state to enter and was a fearful state to remain in. Just as daytime parenting is a long-term investment, so is nighttime parenting. Teach your baby a restful attitude about sleep when they are young and both you and your children will sleep better when they are older. "
"If we want our children to become empathetic, we have to show empathy towards them. Strayer says, “Kids can better understand and respond positively to other people’s emotions when they have their own emotional needs met. So taking care of a young baby’s or toddler’s emotions is the first thing.” When your baby is crying, you comfort him....To respond with empathy, it’s important that parents accept the unique emotional needs of their child. Some kids, right from the beginning, are more sensitive, perhaps more easily frightened or less adaptable to new situations. Your baby may need more soothing at bedtime than anyone else’s you know....Mullin-Rindler explains how the give and take of responsive parenting builds emotional literacy. “If a baby cries and no one comes, the infant never learns that there is a connection between the feeling and the response.” She needs to experience that her distress (a feeling) can be soothed when she is picked up and rocked by her parent (the action). That connection is an essential step in learning to empathize. "
EP now has a new book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers". This has been something several people have asked about: if her plan works for older toddlers and children. This new book is about to be released. You can order it in advance at bookstores.
This is an AAP News article about the book "On Becoming Babywise" that was one of the books suggested to me when I was pregnant. The doctor who writes the article connects this particular feeding schedule and the elimination of nighttime feedings at 8 weeks so the baby will sleep through the night to Failure To Thrive:
Were can I find the beginning of this forum, and why is there only one person posting messages. Is this a small forum? I thought it would be big. Please advice
HI! Welcome here, Paocho! There is only one person posting in this particular thread, but many people who post in this message board. Feel free to ask questions if you need help!
Helpful links
Re: Helpful links
