My daughter is almost 3 and she has always slept with me. I recently married, and my husband is really opposed to having her in our bed. I understand his issues with it, but am really struggling with transitioning her to her own bed. She has a lot of anxiety about being in her own bed, and i don't like letting her cry. I have been encouraging her, and trying to set her up with a reward system. I offer her special treats that she can only have if she sleeps in her own bed, but although she is interested in the rewards, she still chooses to stay in my bed. It is really causing a lot of strain on my relationship with my husband. A friend recommended Ferber, but was wondering if anyone can offer any other suggestions that don't require her to cry it out. Please help!

Since she is 3 years old, I think she can understand more fully what you are asking of her, I also think that she would feel more betrayed with a method like Ferber, you wouldn't be giving her the credit she is due. Shes only known sleeping with you and now there is a new person in the bed and shes being asked to sleep alone.

In the situation I would probably do little transitions at a time. Im guessing she goes to bed sooner then you, so maybe lay with her to help her the first few nights. Maybe set a limit, alright mommy will lay with you for 15 minutes tonight... 10 tomorrow etc.

If she wants a light let her have a light, or let her pick a special stuffed animal or dolly to sleep with. Maybe have a reward of something big like if you sleep in your room X amounts of time, we can go to "fill in the blank" playland, or pick out a special toy. My kids love having me wind a music box, and it helps calm my 2 year old quickly, so that might be osmething to try.

Make a new special routine for bedtime, like you read her a book before going to bed.

I hope that this can help give you some ideas.

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Put a crib mattress on the floor in your room and let her sleep there for awhile. She slept with you for 3 yrs and suddenly she's been replaced (in her mind). The more you push sometimes, the more they resist.

I agree you should transition her at her own pace and putting a crib mattress, toddler or twin size bed in your room and transitioning her to that might be the answer. My Dh and I were married when our DD was 3 months old and it is understandably hard for newlyweds to find time to be intimate while co-sleeping. Although your Dh is uncomfortable with it he needs to undestand that forcing your daughter to move to her own bed would probably cause her to resent him. Just let her move at her own pace. My DD is 2 now and she sleeps in a converted crib with the side removed to be a toddler bed. It is in our room and our usual method is that I go lay down with her in the big adult bed until she falls asleep and when my DH comes to bed later he moves her to her bed. We are now cosleeping with our newborn and I don't want her to feel pushed out by her brother so on nights when she's insecure or upset I let her sleep with us all night.

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Abrianna~4-23-03
Jaden~2-26-05


WV Sweetheart Festival Pageant 1st Runner-up

having the suport of ur dh is number1 here. he must understand that in her mind he is pushing her out.

maybe he could be with u while u are putting her in her big girl bed? make it a family thing. a big event.....hell through her a party when she has finally done it. whatever u think she would love. it also helps alot (if u dont have a kid bed) to let her pick out her own big girl bed. a woman is a woman and we love to shop. i am sure she will too.

please don't be an "ezzo" mom. CIO is horrible for a child that just can not grasp that her mommy doesnt want or need her in her bed anymore. she is way to old to just start CIO when she has had u for so long all night.

witch ever method you choose GOOD LUCK AND REMEMBER TO BREATHE :O)

Hi...we have coslept with Alexis and she'll be 3 in June. We set up a toddler bed in our room and she does rather well with it. We're trying to transition her out of room and into her own room, but it's not going well at all.

I am rather pleased on how easy it was to get her to sleep in her own bed, but she still crawls into our bed in the middle of the night.

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~~Sheila~~
Mom to Alexis Faith (June 17, 2002)
Angel baby Aug 3, 2004
Kaila Grace (May 9, 2005)
Brayden Micah Born Sep 4, 2007