I am taking this opportunity to introduce myself. My name is Christine, my beautiful daughter Eva is 7 weeks today. I really do not know much about AP, I am a first time mother and am basically making decisions as they come up. As a first time mother I am getting some rude reactions to some of the decisions I am making about my baby and am hoping to find some support.

My basic philosphy so far is that my baby comes first. When she cries it is my job to hold, nurse, change or comfort her until she is soothed. She is was too young to cry without someone comforting her. Everyone thinks I will spoil her, despite all the books saying it is not possible.

My husband has already suggested that at some point I will need to let her cry it out, he claims she is crying for no reason. I beleive there is a reason and it is up to us to figure it out and be there for her, even if her need is to be held and nothing more. People have suggested putting her in another room, giving her a bottle of water and just letting her cry as ways to help her sleep better. These all seem so wrong.

Please reassure me that I am not just an inexperienced naive mother with "crazy" ideas. I am getting sick of all the eyerolling and "you'll learn" comments I get when I tell people how I plan to raise my daughter.



Thanks.

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I dunno... sounds like you have it all figured out to me

I have 4 and would still never dream of letting a baby CIO. And OMG! Even the thought of letting a 7 week old infant CIO is heartbreaking I don't know why some people would equate picking up a crying infant to inexperience.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm a serious BTDT mom & not one of my children were left to CIO. We have no sleep issues at all. My 7 yr old goes to bed at 8 (no questions asked), my twins go to bed at 7 (no questions asked) & they nap for 3 hours in the middle of the day happily.

Now with my 6 month old. I thought that child would never sleep Since he was about 4 1/2 - 5 months old he was an all night nurser. He was on breast at least every hour. It was killing me. But I knew it was what he needed and just because it was night time, didn't mean my parenting job was over. So I kept up with his needs and now I'm able to set him in the pack n' play in our room at 7 pm while he's still awake and he can fall asleep on his own. He only gets up once at 3 am to nurse and he's back down at 3:30 until 7. And he's sleeping like this without ever letting him CIO once

Really, it just comes off as completely strange to me that so many people feel that every infant should sleep through the night. It's just not natural for most. There are physiological reasons infants wake frequently through the night.

Here is a really great link on infant sleep
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070200.asp

Try not to let other people talk you into doing something that doesn't feel right to you as a parent. You know what's best for your baby. I have found that a lot of people feel the need to push their parenting on others for two reasons... 1) they genuinely feel that some kind of harm could come to a child... This is obviously not the case with you 2) because they feel insecure about choices they made as parents and by having other people do what they did it validates those choices... I think this may be your problem

Hang in there mamma!

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i'll just add a big ditto to terry lynn :

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Thanks for the support. And your boys are adorable!

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Hi,
Nice to meet you.

Ditto to everything that everyone else said. Babies communicate their needs to us by crying, whether hungry, hot, cold, needing comfort... they need to be responded to and that is great that you just naturally know that.

A link was provided to askdrsears.com which I find to be an excellent site for you to see a pediatrician and his pediatrician sons talk about responding to your baby's needs.

I also never let my son cry it out. When he was waking frequently at 7-8 months old, I used the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (the forward of the book was written by Dr. Sears) and he gently learned to like to sleep at nighttime and he has done so ever since.

Your daughter is adorable, by the way!

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Host of:
The No Cry Sleep Solution
Attachment Parenting

Christine, looks like I am alittle late here but maybe I can add my bit in too ...

Crying doesnot equate to being inexperienced or being a bad mother. Babies cry for a reason, and especially at 7 weeks - and sometimes they cry just because they want mommy to pick them up and hold them. as a mother of 4 I have learned that people over the years try to tell you what is the right way and wrong way of doing things - dont listen to them, do what you feel is right.

Just nod at them, tell them you respect their thoughts and views on the matter and ask them to respect your views and let you get on with picking up / looking after your baby how you want to. You cant spoil a 7 weeker, you wont do her any harm by tending to her needs and doing you job. Doing CIO can be distressing for all concerned, it doesnt build bonds between you and baby - AND it only teaches baby that she has to cry for ages before anyone will listen to her - so you guessed it she will cry quicker and more as she knows that it takes a whole lot to get someone to notice KWIM. A baby who is tended to is more mellow and happy.

When Eve is older then there will be times when she might cry for a few minutes when she is over tired or hungry, maybe you are fixing dinner for her or changing her or trying to get her to bed and THIS IS DIFFERENT to CIO and is something that is not cruel and acceptable.

I dont CIO but on a couple of occasions I have put my older children to bed and they have cried for a few minutes, what I did then was went in and comforted them but made it very clear they had to stay in bed I .. and this worked for me, but this is something that you may do when they are much much older and certainly not at this stage.

Attachment parenting in my opinion is all about being in tune with what your children and families needs are. Its not about who can sling or BF for longest BUT you will find out that perhaps breast feeding or maybe carrying your baby in a sling or co sleeping is what works to keep your baby happy - can you see the difference what I am trying to say?

You dont set out to do this or do that, and if there is something that doesnt work for you it doesn't mean you have failed nor does it mean it is not AP - just means it is how things are for you.

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Well, I have not ready any of the books that may or may not "define" us as AP, but I do go solely on dd's needs. Whatever they may be.
I could not breastfeed, but I don't believe that eliminates me from the AP style.

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~Kate~
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.

Here is my "take" on being a Mommy... AP or not.

YOU are the mommy. If YOU FEEL that baby needs to be held, hold her. Take what everyone else says, thinks and feels...and dismiss it. You won't spoil her, or any of that nonsense.

My oldest, was the easiest baby ever. She slept through the night at 2 months old, and was always a very sweet tempered, easy baby.
My YOUNGEST on the other hand... NOT such an easy sweet baby. lol. She still doesn't sleep through the night sometimes, and she feels like it is her God-Given right to be held 24 hours a day. Shes 20 months. It isn't possible for ME to hold her all the time. So sometimes, she gets to cry it out for a bit til she is distracted by something shiny, loud or furry...and runs off to play. Sometimes, when I know she is fed, warm, and dry... I'll let her cry for 10 minutes when she decides she isn't going to go to sleep at first... and generally...she doesn't fight longer than that. I know her well enough to know when she's tired, and has had enough and needs to go to bed.

My SIL is not the CIO type, and she has chastised me for being "mean" to the baby by making her cry. You know what I tell her? MY BABY... MY DECISION.
My girls are happy, healthy and perfect...and not by accident. I'm a good Mommy!

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