Introduction and how did you get started as an attachment parent?

Rhiannon · #1 (**permalink**) 10-11-2005, 10:49 AM

Hello all! My name is Angela. I've been hanging around the SK boards since I found out that I was pregnant with my first back in about June of '04. My daughter is currently 8 months old. I've been married for just over 3 years and live near Atlanta.

I've just discovered this attachment parenting board and also the co-sleeping. I'm curious how each of you got started with attachment as a parenting style. I'm still quite new to the classification and I don't know if I could or should be considered an attachment parent, but here's my story--you can let me know if that's what I am.

From the very start, Ava has been a FANTASTIC baby. I knew just when to up her bottles from 4 to 6, just when to space them more from every 3 hours to every 4. I could tell when she needed a nap from her behaviour. She never liked to take naps in her bed, choosing instead to nap beside me in her bouncy chair when I was still on maternity leave. When it was time for me to go back to work, she was sleeping through the night in her own bed. When she came down with her first cold (she's had 2), we let her sleep in our bed with us. We were quite paranoid at first, we had her propped in her boppy (since she had a cold) so that we couldn't roll over her. Since then, we've found ourselves co-sleeping every night. She'll typically take a bottle, fall asleep in my arms and then sleep in her crib for a few hours before waking and ultimately coming into our bed. I guess that at first it started off as laziness on our part, we were simply too tired to continue to go back several times a night to give her back her pacifier. We've even tried a few times to move her back into her own bed--we missed her. What?! Yep, we missed her terribly and we've decided that it's a-ok if she winds up in our bed each night. So, I guess that you could say that co-sleeping and attachment parenting (if that's what it is) found us. I'm glad that it did. I couldn't really say if it has anything to do with it, but Ava rarely cries and is, in general, very easy-going and happy.

I guess that the only thing that would make me think that I might not be an attachment parent is that I work. My dad actually watches her during the day and they get along great. He sleeps in the bed with her too for naps and sometimes tries to get her to sleep in her crib.

At any rate, I've written a book here. It's nice to meet all of you.

#2 (**permalink**) 10-12-2005, 08:53 PM

hi Angela, nice to meet you, welcome to the AP board.

congratulations on your co-sleeping! it sounds like it's going great. i feel the same way about my daughter, i'll miss her when she chooses to sleep in her own bed someday.

of course you can be an attached parent if you work! many AP mamas work. being AP doesn't mean staying home 24/7, it just means that when you do have to be away from your babe, you make careful choices on who you want to share your child's attachment with. it's all about your intentions ... you've obviously found a good caregiver, one who is willing to co-nap, and hopefully follows all of your other parenting "rules." if your Ava has formed an attachment with your dad, and you all feel comfortable, then more power to you

it sounds like a good situation.

#3 (**permalink**) 10-12-2005, 09:03 PM

oh, i just found some encouraging words for you:
from: http://www.chapel-hill.nc.us/apioa/faqs.htm

"How can I practice attachment parenting as a working mother?
Cosleeping is a wonderful way to reconnect with your child every day. Remember the key is to stay in tune with your child; keep in touch throughout the day, know what is going on in your child's world while you are apart."

so you really are doing the right thing by co-sleeping!

i also forgot to answer your question! i got into attachment parenting because it's just my style. they also call it "intuitive parenting" and i really do rely on my intuition. with my stepkids, this is many years ago, i was doing a lot of AP things, not even knowing what AP was. co-sleeping, gentle discipline, taking children seriously.

MomoftheBean · #4 (**permalink**) 10-20-2005, 12:10 PM

Hi

I'm in Atlanta as well.

Love it here!

As for how we started with attachment parenting, it was sort of a natural transition. I tend to think of it as simply responding to my babies needs. When they need to nurse, we nurse. When they are tired, they (sometimes we, lol) sleep. I just try to listen to their cues and go from there.

Co-sleeping in our house started in a similar way as yours! It was just easier, and once we read up on how to do it safely, it was more restful for everyone. My youngest goes between the bed and crib sidecar, because the bed is getting crowded and my 4 year old is not a gentle sleeper. Sometimes I wish *I* could sleep in the sidecar.

How wonderful that your father can take care of your daughter while you work.

It sounds like special time for both of them.

Take care!

#5 (**permalink**) 11-14-2005, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by MomoftheBean

Hi

it was sort of a natural transition

exactally! way to go mamma!

i think AP in just natural parenting.

im going to post the baby B's for other mommies to see what exactally AP means.

Zennifer · #6 (**permalink**) 11-14-2005, 08:19 PM

Hi!
I work, as well, but when I'm at work my DH is with our son as he is just as attached as I am, and responds to his cues very easily because of this connection. As for your father taking care of your daughter, I think that is great! It's so nice for them to form that connection as well! Having a trusted and connected caregiver for your child that she feels comfortable with is very AP.

I started doing attachment parenting when my son was first born, because I could just tell what things he could put up with and what he wouldn't, for example, everyone and his dog trying to hold him, which works for a lot of babies but just made him cry. Lots of stuff like hating the carseat, and hating being on outings for too long unless he was in a sling or a Baby Bjorn... I mean it wasn't really that we became brilliant cue readers, it's more that our son is very extreme about letting people know what he likes or doesn't. Lots of people thought he had colic if we were out at someone's house or a wedding or something, but we'd say that he totally doesn't becuase we knew he'd be completely happy and giggling the second he got back to our living room with just us. I'm so glad we did follow these cues of his, though, because not following them could have led to him becoming quite neurotic and unsure of himself, just generally not feeling like he has a place with his parents if we hadn't respected his obvious fears or discomforts. Because we did listen and we did try to minimize stuff that stressed him out, as he got older he got less and less extreme, and now he's a very happy, confident, and very sociable little guy.

A great place to read about Attachment Parenting is at the AP International website:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ideals.shtml which talks about really just being about meeting your child's emotional needs being at the heart of the whole philosophy, which sounds exactly like what you are doing!

BooBooKItty · #7 (**permalink**) 12-19-2005, 01:15 AM

It just came naturally. I didn't realize there were so many others like me until I joined MDC, then I found a wonderful AP playgroup. How wonderful to be able to hang with other non circing, breastfeeding, babywearing, co sleeping, cloth diapering, gentle disciplinging mamas.

BooBooKItty · #8 (**permalink**) 12-19-2005, 01:17 AM

Forgot to add the site www.mothering.com go to discussions for the forum. It's a really nice natural family living/AP site.