How do you deal with these situations?

massage_mama · #1 (**permalink**) 06-03-2005, 05:41 PM

Today at playgroup another mom that has a little girl born just a day after DD, they are both almost 7 wks old. She was already talking about CIO! She said "I guess she's still too young", are you kidding me?! Is that even a question? DS is 2yrs old and I still think he's too young

It's never an option for me, but even for those that it is, what age do they do this? I just can't imagine letting my little baby scream and cry for no reason. We both have toddler boys, so we are in the same boat. She kept talking about her schedule and how she's not sleeping in her crib well b/c everytime her paci fell out, she would cry. I just sat and listened and didn't say anything. I don't like to rock the boat and one of the other moms told her it was too young, and they just talked about sleep problems. How would you handle this situation? I didn't want to say anything without stats to back it up. I've read a lot about it, but I didn't know exactly what to say without being rude????

Zennifer · #2 (**permalink**) 06-04-2005, 05:46 PM

Hi there!
I totally agree with you. I was in a baby group that I actually stopped going to for a long time because they all did CIO with their kids and I just couldn't listen to it. Later, though, I went back again because it was nice when my DS was a year and a half to have other kids to play with... I invited a friend with a similar parenting style to come but I warned her not to listen to their parenting choices... she was amazed listening to some of the things they did, or expected from their children so early. Anyway, what was interesting is all the people that tried CIO when i stopped going were still having the same sleep problems a year later, so CIO - aside from being very hard on some babies - doesn't necessarily work in any case.

"what age do they do this?"

The Ferber book suggests that anything under 6 months is too early, but I don't know about other books.

If you want to look at interesting links about CIO you could go to The No Cry Sleep Solution message board (link in my siggy) and look at the "helpful links" sticky because there is a lot of studies and other info listed there.

In the end, I didn't really say much when people talked about what they did. Every once in a while someone would ask me what I was doing for sleep methods, and I just told them that I used the No Cry Sleep Solution and that it worked for me... and seeing as my DS actually naps at the right time and sleeps at the right time I think it made them think about it a bit. It's definately hard to know what to do!

Connor'sMom · #3 (**permalink**) 06-05-2005, 04:31 PM

I hear ya! It's hard not to voice your different views. I have found that it's important to pick your battles. Most of these mothers who believe in CIO will not change their minds or actions (their poor babes). I only voice my opinions to my close friends and those I feel are open. I have difficulty with my inlaws. They are horrified that I sleep with Connor, plan to breasfeed/pump beyond 6 months, etc. I've given up talking to them and actual just change the subject when it arises.

Judi

willowbeansmama · #4 (**permalink**) 06-08-2005, 06:37 AM

i'm giving up taking on these battles, also. i'll mention the NCSS book if i get a chance, though. all i keep getting is "you should really worry about the kids who are abused, neglected, etc." which of course i worry about those kids far more than i do a non-AP kid! but society is a macrocosm and what happens to *every* child is important. i think we have to just assume every parent is doing *their* "best" and educate if and when we can. our bests can always become better, you know?

MommaLilac · #5 (**permalink**) 06-10-2005, 07:03 PM

I'm kinda of abrasive, I have no problem telling ppl what I think. But I agree you cant change ppls minds I usually try and bite my toung unless there really going on and on and on. I got so much flack from my mother about co-sleeping and bf and nip, you name it she was against anything I wanted to do, glad I live 1000 miles away this time around, lol

you know what kills me to, is the ones who tell me "all babies need pacifiers so they can learn to soothe themself" I'm like WTH??? I think the parents are all the soothing they need, and id hate to see your dental bills in 12 yrs, lol

eee_mom · #6 (**permalink**) 06-28-2005, 08:25 AM

I totally agree its sooo horrible to think of those poor little babies CIO alone. I think most parents do that because thats what there parents did. and the only way they know. I think if there where more Ap parents and more info out there it would be different. I would speak my mind...not in a mean way...jus tstate what i do and why.

and all the benefits of it

crisantemo · #7 (**permalink**) 07-07-2005, 07:39 AM

There is a difference between CIO and a certain amount of 'let your baby cry' BUT I will stress this does not apply till the baby is at an age to learn that they just cant have their own way all the time. A new born, even a baby who is several months old is far too young to be subjected to such TORTURE.

I for one have never had a problem getting my babies to sleep, as for routines ...well they happen after a while but not straight away, 3 months, 4 months whenever ... does it really matter if your baby doesnt have a regimented life style? And those few months out of our whole lives - I think its a small thing to go through. I think its an old fashioned idea that your baby has to sleep XY&Z and that you feed every so many hours etc. a 7 week old baby needs to be shown love and attention - it is proven that babies who have their needs taken care of in a prompt manner actually grow to be less fussy older babies. If a baby knows he has to cry for ages to get something then he WILL cry for ages - if a baby knows he doesnt have to CRY a lot to get milk/sleep/cuddles whatever will be a whole lot more content.

okay I rambled.

willowbeansmama · #8 (**permalink**) 07-09-2005, 07:01 PM

whew, i'm back (had some problems and couldn't post) i do think 7 weeks is far too young for any kind of "sleep training" not that i think *any* age is a good age for it. i have encountered mamas who talk about CIO and ask me how Willow sleeps, i just say "i co-sleep with her so i never have to let her cry" as long as you stick to "i" statements, describe your own situations, i think it's not offensive. i've had some good conversations because i stick to "i" statements, i've been able to give out Dr. Sears website and recommend his books. also i recommend "The Happiest Baby On The Block" by Harvey Karp, that's a lifesaver and i think every new mama should be given a copy while she's still pregnant!