How do you Cope?

you_me_and_baby · #1 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 09:08 AM

I guess this is more of a vent then anything. I'm feeling so discouraged, today is the long awaited doctors appointment in hopes that some light can be shed on whats happening inside my body.

I sat speaking to my sister last night, she is two years older then I am, married, owns her own home, has two beauitufl boys, one four the other just born in June. Her second child was a pregnancy that was fought for, because in between Jase (baby) and Brendan (four year old) she had a miscarriage. At that time my heart went out to her, I can only imagine how difficult that was for her, she pleads with me, don't get pregnant don't get pregnant, cause if you do it will break my heart. So I held off really trying and my husband and I kept things safe. Then she gets pregnant with Jase, has a minor stroke and in the end has this beauiful baby. She had such difficulties with getting pregnant with both boys, and now with having a stroke with this last one her ttc is no longer a possibility if they wanted more its too risky. She tells me last night, casue of course all I can talk about is making babies, what can I do differently, what can I take that might help, what do you think of this, what do you think of that. My sister is like a wakling book on fertility and the female body because of all her difficulties she has read sooo much shes so knowledgeable and because she has lots of experience with herbs and the natural way of life I ask her advice. Shes like well Taryn, don't get your hopes up, though you've had one period now the chances of you getting pregnant anytime soon is slim, it probably won't happen for you for at least another year. As my heart sinks. I thought now that I've had a period maybe things were straightening out and my chances were higher, I never thought then I would get pregnant tomorrow but I felt there was always that maybe. She says don't go on any of the medication your doctor might suggest today, i would weight at least six months for your body to sort things out first since things are starting to look up now. I just felt, I've waited two years already, once because of a miscarraige, and also because I've had such issues getting regular after the pill. I'm not old by any means, I've got lots of time for starting a family. I'm only 26 but in some ways I feel that times running out. I've always thought of having a family when i'm younger opposed to being older and having a family. My husband and I are ready for this next step in our lives. Sometimes I feel that I want a baby more then him, but he says its something he wants as well. I want to feel that baby move inside me, I want to hold that baby in my arms, I want to teach it the things I know, I want to watch them grow. I want to attend pta meetings, I want this... with everything in me. Through all of my sisters issues I have felt I've had to put what I wanted on hold, to be supportive to her and be there for her... now I would have thought since she has had such problems that she would be more supportive, more encouraging... unfortunatly I don't feel that way. I feel defeated.... Maybe it will be another year, maybe I should give up activly charting, herbs, gym medication. Everything that I've been doing in the hopes of getting pregnant... and if it happens in the next year it happens....

as I wipe the tears off my face, I'm thinking, do I hit the post button, these girls don't want to hear my turmoils... but who else do I turn to? My husband is always on my side, and he will go into a rant supporting me and telling me how wrong my sister is... he is truly wonderful and I'm very lucky to have him in my life.

I never thought any of this would be easy, but I never imagined it would be this difficult, heartbreaking, emotional, frustrating.

Thank you for listening you guys... take care. I'm out the door to go to the doctor... ill let ya know what happens.

TB

Holly*Berry · #2 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 09:19 AM

Taryn, I'll be waiting to hear what your doctor tells you today. I hope you feel better after this appointment.

I also hope that you DO take your doctor's advice or meds and don't put yourself on hold anymore.

It is possible to support your sister AND do what is best for you and your family at the same time. She was wrong to beg you not to get pg. And you were wrong to listen to her.

Your Dh is right (in my opinion).

It's time to get your family growing because you want this and so does your Dh, that's the only reason you need.

just what you needed.....one more person telling you what to do

(sorry)

I'll be interested to hear what your doctor says.

miskitty27 · #3 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 10:27 AM

i totally agree with Holly. I know that when I first got PG with my dd I was so scared to tell my little sister that I was pg because she had a miscarriage a year or so before. But she totally supported me and was happy for me. She even bought my bed set for me.

I am sorry your sister had such a hard time getting pg and carrying the babies, but she should be there to support you. If you and you dh thinks this is the right time to try and have a baby then by all means go for it. I know for me when I was ttcing and my little sister got pg then miscarried. I was hurt when I first found you she was pg, but I was also happy for her cause this was what she wanted, but when she miscarried I was very upset for her. I know that if I were to get pg this month she would support me even though she had a miscarriage just this month. I don't think you sister should stand in the way of your happiness.

I am sending you LOTS and LOTS of babydust and lets hope we both see a

by the end of October.

And if you need us we are all here for you no matter what.

Vicki

jaden222 · #4 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 01:30 PM

I agree with the others that I know your sister was having a tough time, but she had no right to tell you not to get pg. it is between you and your dh. And I think that now she has her family she should be encouraging you more, instead of telling you to try naterally, and telling you it will take over a year.
If your doctor tells you he can help you get pg now, and your dh and you want a baby now, and want to go that route DO IT! It is your life not your sisters. Besides if with medical help you can get pg next month I'd do it in a heartbeat then to wait over a year to see if it happens nateraly.
Just my opinion. I hope that all your stuggles will soon end for you hon and you will be looking forward to a wee one of your very own very soon! Big Hugs!

you_me_and_baby · #5 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 01:50 PM

Well the Doctors appointment is over, which is kind of a relife! She was fabulous!!! She won't do much of anything until the blood work she has requested is complete I have a follow up in three weeks. It was discovered that my blood pressure is Through the rough!! which concerns her a bit, and I guess in someways it also concerns me. I've had issues with my blood pressure for years, at age 17 I was on medication to control it, but got off it. Now I go to the gym three times a week and I've changed my eating style and its still high, very suprising I'd hate to think of what it was before I started making all of this positive changes in my life. She wants me to get off all the herbs I'm taking, I'm having some issues with this request. I feel better being on these herbs, it seems so stupid to stop taking something that makes you feel better not to mention that I notice a difference being on them. I don't think she believes in the natural treatment. so I'm going to have to think on this one a bit more before I just up and stop them all.

Thank you for the support on my sister girls. I needed that! I understand where my sister is coming from, losing the baby the last time was very difficult for her, as I'm sure its difficult for everyone who loses a pregnancy. I respect her for what shes gone through. I think sometimes she forgets that I to have feelings, wants, desires and plans for my future. My sister though I don't believe she means to or sometimes realizes but is very selfish. Shes an amazing mother and I love watching her with my nephews things I never thought she was capible of... on the flip side though she bitches and complains an awful lot about the babies, Mr. B did this today, Jase was up all night crying, blah blah blah. I realize the frustrations of being so busy with kids and babies and how hard it is, but you wanted them so badly why are you complaining about them so much? I guess its just my prospective...

I'm sure everything will sort itself out in due time...

Thank you guys so much for your feed back and support, it means a great deal to me.

TB

Holly*Berry · #6 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 02:06 PM

Don't forget to let us know what happens with the blood work Taryn!