:::sigh::: hello everyone...these past three months has been more than hell for me. I just started college and I hate it!!! I'm trying to get out but my landlord wont let me break my lease saying I have to find a replacement or I will still have to pay monthly. They want 660 a month...a 300 fee for me to break my lease and 50 dollars for a late fee!!!!!!!!!!!! My best friend is just sooo ecstatic to be having a baby boy in april and I'm like so sick of her right now. I WANT MY BABY!!!!!! My emotions have already been up and down since I lost my baby a year ago. its not fair. I pray and pray and pray. I pray to ask God to help me find someone to take over this place..I pray to ask God to allow me to be there and to be happy for my friend...I pray to ask God to just let me relax and do what's best for me..but everytime I pray my life goes further down the drain...God doesn't hear my prayers..he isn't trying to help me. Then when i talk to my mom and my boyfriend they dont take me seriously. My mom just ignores the hell out of me and my boyfriend thinks im crazy....I just want to die. sometimes I think about suicide but I'm not strong enough to follow through with it..Maybe one of you ladies can pray for me. Maybe God will listen to you. I'm only 18 and I've already gone through so much. I just can't take anymore of it!!!!!!!

__________________
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><img src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev173pbs__.png" alt="pregnancy" border="0" /></a>

I wish I could give you a great big hug.. I'm so sorry for your loss

God is hearing your prayers. He really is! But He has a plan for you, that he hasn't shared with you yet. When it is time, he will show you. Keep praying, try to stay patient, and focus on getting you grounded.

Do you attend church? Could you go talk to one of the pastors for guidance?

ps I know how things in your eyes look like they aren't getting any better because you don't have what you WANT. But I'm sure you have everything that you need.

pps Please seek help if you ever think that you will harm yourself. Just think that if you do, you will never get that baby that you long for.

I'll say a few prayers for you that you find the peace you are looking for and that God shares his plan with you sooner then later!

__________________

Please seek medical attention. Your feeling's and emotions need to get under control and I'm sure you would feel a lot better.

yes by all means get a hold of your dr, asap.only he/she can really help you with these issues. It IS VERY IMPORTANT, you contact a professional ASAP.
I AM VERY CONCERNED FOR YOU.please let me know when you have contacted your Dr. or other health profession....
Big hugs to you sweetie...

__________________

{{{{hugs}}}}

God is listening to you and I am sure, as the other ladies have said, will answer your prayers soon, when He knows the time is right for you. Don't loose faith sweetie - we love you. I will pray for you!

__________________

Partner to James (40)
TTC a sibling for Courtney (7)
3 Angels (September 1998, July 2006, October 2006)

17 January 2007

Depression can make it seem like your whole life is terrible and not worth living. I have struggled with those feelings for years, and just recently got some help. I urge you to get some help before you hurt yourself. You have been through an aweful lot, but your life can get better. I am saying many, many prayers for you! Please let us all know that you are alright. Big hugs, Anna

__________________
Anna (28)
Wife to Dale (28)
Mom to Gabriel (8 months)
TTC #2 December 2006

Thank you ladies soo much for both the advice and the prayers!! I really needed them both. I have been trying to keep myself busy by packing and doing a lot of schoolwork to keep my mind off everything that's going on. Things have sort of been looking up for me...I found someone interested in my place. I'm soo happy to have that out of my hands and everything. but once again I just want to thank you all. It means soo much to me, but the same time it makes me sad to know that these women sitting on the other side of the computer that I don't know seem more concerned than the people that I do know. My mom and I are planning on going to some counseling when I come back home. We have some unresolved issues t work out. See my loss wasnt a loss at all. I was forced to have an abortion by my mother. I had no one to turn to to support me and my pregnancy so i just thought the best thing was to abide by her rules and do it. And that is where mostof my depression lies. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like I failed my baby and i should have done anything i had to do to save his/her life. I feel like a murderer. My mom knows this and now she apologizes everyday for putting me through this and has basically given me her blessing to have another but it wont be the same. Hopefully this counseling will help us out, I feel like we need it

__________________
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><img src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev173pbs__.png" alt="pregnancy" border="0" /></a>

I am so very sorry for what you have been through. No one should ever be forced to make a decision like that. I hope you can find some peace with what has happened and some help in dealing with your depression. I will pray that you will find healing for what this has done to you emotionally and that you and your mom would be able to work through this in counseling. Many more prayers coming your way. Please keep us posted and know that we are here for you!
Anna

__________________
Anna (28)
Wife to Dale (28)
Mom to Gabriel (8 months)
TTC #2 December 2006

Honey hugs to you... I am very sorry for what your going thru and feeling...
its very difficult, and I think it would be a good idea for you and your mom to go thru counsling for sure, I know your pain is deep,try not to blame your self.
hugs to you. I will be praying for you and your mom sweety

__________________

After reading your post i felt i should respond because i have a friend who went through the exact same thing. She was also 18 and 4 1/2 months pregnant when her mother made her have an abortion. It caused her to go into a deep depression because she wanted the baby so much. I think it is a great idea for your mother and you to go to counselling, you need to resolve these issues so that when you are blessed with another baby you are in the right state to care for him or her. What I have learned from Lisa's experience is that there is light at the end of the tunnel, eventually you will feel better. You are in my prayers, and I hope that you are sucessful in having the family you want when the time comes.

__________________
.
.

*hugs*

I'm so happy to hear that you and your mom are going to see someone to help you guys talk through your issues.

Your choice was a difficult one, and one that you need help moving past. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this.

I'll pray that you and your mom can work through and past all of your issues. Please try and remember that sometimes we all make bad decisions and no one is perfect. God Bless.

__________________

thanks everyone for keeping me in their prayers!! I appreciate it...tarasheena, how did your friend get over this?? I feel like im trapped in this big box with no way out. I feel like it'll never happen for me again because i blew my chance. How did she do it. I may need alittle advice.

__________________
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><img src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev173pbs__.png" alt="pregnancy" border="0" /></a>

Hi Lynise,
I am SO sorry to hear about your experience. I am glad your mother has apologized for guiding you along that path .
Please try to remember that we can not change the past. We can only learn from it. If the past keeps getting in our way, we will never move forward in life.
Being a mother takes so much emotionally, that I am sure you will have a child when you are in the right state of mind to be a parent again. It is never good to replace one that we lost. We need to just heal. And healing takes time.
There is absolutely no rush sweety, especially not when it comes to something as important as motherhood. I had children when I was 16, 19 and 22, and now, many years later, I am trying again, and am pregnant. It will be just as joyous now as it was then, if not more so because I am much more emotionally secure now than I was back then.
As MD Mommie said, God has a plan. And when it is time, you will become a mother. And in the meantime, get yourself stable and secure, finish any schooling, equip yourself with the life skills or work skills you will need to carry you through.Be appreciative of what God has given you and live, laugh and learn Suddenly, when you are least expecting it, you will end up with that ! And good luck to you and your mother on resolving these issues.

__________________

Lynise,
your not gonna be punished, if thats how your feeling sweetie, God doesn't work like that,YOU will concieve again when the time is right...
it will happen... What your going thru is full of pain and confusement
and I know inside you feel so alone and helpless, but sweetie, your not.
YES it is true you will probably never 100% get over this ordeal, but you must keep your self healthy for when you do concieve again...
please email me kimiwalker72@yahoo.com if you want to talk or need a shoulder, I am always here,I may take a bit to get the email BUT I will answer I promise...
Take sweetie

__________________

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I know how you feel kind of. I wasn't forced to have an abortion, but after multiple IVF's I finally became pregnant, only to find at 20 weeks, she was so sick she would most likely die in utero, certainly after birth. At the time I was hurried by medical personnel and even my own DH that I had to make a decision immediately because I was so far along. I made the decision to terminate. I thought at the time it was the best thing for my baby and I really had no doubts about it. I was sick about it, I cried, I OFTEN wanted to die, and my heart just ached, but I thought it was right. Then, the moment after it was over, I felt like a murderer who has no right to be a mother. I go up and down in depression, it's affecting every decision I make. If I could turn back time, I would let my baby die naturally. I'm so so sorry you feel this pain, and you are so young, I pray that you find peace. I'm almost 30 and I still feel the same feelings you are, and I can't imagine such a roller coaster at 18. Hang in there and get some help...Be aware it's NORMAL to feel guilty and to grieve...Best of luck...

__________________
Melissa


My princess Emma Marie is HERE 5 weeks early!

9-17-07
6lbs 4oz
17 .25 in long...

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...