Come out and give this mia girl some updates!!!!

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Hey Cassandra,

I know I need to get this board popping again ! Ok here's my update. I'm on CD 15 (almost 16) and I either O today or will soon. This is my 4th round of Clomid so I'm praying for my Christmas miracle this mo. Something's got to give soon. Dh and I are getting to the point of dtd only comes with O. I miss the good old days of when it was just for fun. When was that anyway? I'm getting too old at this TTC mess .

I love all my TTC friends here but it get's pretty bad when you start noticing that all the people you started TTC with are now PG with # 2 . Forgive me for saying this too but I was in desperate need of a drink at the Christmas party tonight. Pregnant people everywhere. I just figured I make people fertile, I'm just not fertile myself . The next time my OBGYN see's me I'm going to have Gray hair or no hair. One or the other from all of this. Anyway, I'm keeping all in good humor for now. Somedays I really just don't care. Anyway, I know you didn't need the drama but it's late and I just can't help myself. So what's up with you Cassandra?

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Misty,
I know it gets hard!!!!! Everyone around me is pregnant too. One of my friends just had a baby in May and she is pregnant AGAIN. And she was breastfeeding. So unfair!!!! I was actually having a hard time in general, thinking that I knew too much when it came to what needs to happen to get pregnant and that is why I am not getting pregnant, kwim? Plus all of the surgery, moving, etc setting us back until Jan. to get the HSG and everything. I called my re in tears and told him I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. He called me in some valium and told me to take it 3 x's per day at 10 mg. I haven't really been thinking about TTC, either. I think that it has done me good, since we can't try right now anyway. I just feel as though I will never get pg, it just seems to be one thing after the other. He also took me off the gluco, so now I am just waiting to have the HSG. I am on CD 46, and I believe every time that I go under anesthesia it delays "O" hence making my cycles longer. I had a really long cycle in Aug when I had my lap, and now this one is long too. I am hoping that I won't get AF before I have my wisdom teeth cut out (Dec. 13) b/c if I do, anesthesia is just going to delay my next cycle just like this one. That way if I don't start until AFTER my wisdom teeth I won't have to wait another month to have my HSG. KWIM? I really love my doc, he called me at 9:30 one night to make sure that I was feeling ok, he is really awesome, concerned, and EVERYTHING that a doc is supposed to be. He is not insensitive to my feelings and telling me to be patient, like my previous doc. "that it will happen" he has never said that to me, and I think he is Godsent. I hve so much faith that this doc will get me straightened out and then at the same time I feel like I should be doing more for God and maybe he is punishing me. That is a horrible place to be, so I often find myself on my knees in a hysterical fit praying to God, begging for a baby if it is in his will, and if it isn't could he just let me know so I can quit doing this to myself!!!!!!!! I have talked to a couple of different women in my church, one in particular had a hard time getting pregnant and when her baby was born she almost lost her b/c her h/b was only 39. She told me not to give up trying, bc after 13 years she finally had her miracle. She doesn't have anymore children, but I would be satisfied if God only blessed me with one. Of course I want more, but ya know, I would adopt if it came down to it. I am still skeptical about IVF, because I REFUSE to do selective reduction. I told my doc that too, and he said as long as I plan on staying in the bed for nine months and having 5 babies at once then that shouldn't be a problem. I don't think he forces patients to go through s/r, but by law he has to make you sign papers that make you aware of what can happen when you have that many babies at once. Well, I guess I will quit ranting, babbling, whatever you want to call it and get in the . I love ya Misty, and I think of you often!

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Cassandra,

I totally can relate to what your saying here Everytime I pray I always ask that it be he's will. I was thinking about this on the way home yesterday. I admitted to myself that although I desperately want a child I'm a little scared. I too would just like to accept whatever God's plan is for me. Then I remind myself to remember this is a time for spiritual growth. You can come out of this one or two ways. Either bitter and angry with God or you can grow from it. So, as we continue on this path I also pray for spiritual growth and that God leads me to the person he want me to be. I'll be praying for you Cassandra remember that Qouted off a mountain wings website.

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Thanks Misty!
I pray it is his will for both of us to be mommy!!

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Misty and Cassandra,

I was reading your posts and it just made me tear up. I think God knows what is in your hearts and that you both will be great moms! You two are such caring people. It WILL happen.

Julie

Hi Ladies,

I too was reading your posts. Oh boy, can I relate to you both!

In the past month, three of my close friends have had their second child and I too am seeing pregnant women everywhere. I'm happy for them but at the same time I find it very hard to understand why pregnancy comes so easily and so abundantly to some while others have to work sooo hard at it and wait sooo long. It doesn't seem fair.

Conception and becoming a parent is such a miracle of life, it just can't happen w/out divine intervention.. Although our hopes and dreams make our lives so rich and exciting as we follow our journey with God... when it comes to this one dream of bringing a child into this world, in spite of all the planning and all the science available to us today, we just have no control over when it will happen. We can only prepare and wait.. cycle after cycle.. it does get to ya!

I don't post much but do visit and read this message board a lot. You've already provided a lot of inspiration to me and I can tell from your posts that you are both wonderful. The Good Lord has something wonderful in store for you I just know it!

Be extra good to yourselves this holiday season and remember to enjoy this those things that usually disappear once a little tyke comes along... favorite xmas movies in the evenings, liesurely mornings with a cup of hot tea or cocoa or coffee, spicy foods, telephone conversations that last more than 10 minutes, shopping trips that include lunch out and not having to rush back, time with friends, time to cook, time for romantic evenings or romantic anythings with your hubby, ornaments on the mid and bottom sections of your tree, the pursuit of hobbies, reading a good book, a good night's sleep, etc., I'm praying that this be the last holiday for a few years that you'll get to enjoy such things KWIM ;-)

Love, Blessings and extra prayers,
Jo