The day I withdrew from "Nursing" School
topic posted Fri, October 20, 2006 - 8:26 PM by Nicole
I want to share with all of you an event that drew me into intactivism...
Back in 1996, I began an OB/GYN hospital clinical as a student nurse. One day, I was enlisted to attend a 'routine circumcision.' I did not realize how much that event would shatter the very foundation of a career choice made in ignorance. I appeared in the doorway of the circ room and saw the little newborn boy to whom I was 'assigned' for the day. 20 years old and not having kids of my own, I did not anticipate the lurching sensation that gripped my heart. Laying strapped down to a table, so small and new....pure and innocent...trusting...all alone...no defenses..., I walked toward the baby and wanted to grab him off the table and shelter him..to tell him that nobody would hurt him..
In walked the doctor...loud..obnoxious..joking with his assistant...as if he was about to perform a 10 minute oil change..not once did he talk to this little baby. Rather, he reached for his cold metal instruments..and then reached out for his object of mutilation...this sweet newborn's perfect unharmed penis. As I recall the screams of pain and terror.. his small lungs barely able to keep up with the cries..I turned in horror as I saw the doctor forcefully pull his foreskin around a metal object. Then came the knife..cut...cut..cut..
I stood next to the baby and said..you're almost done sweety..almost done...There..done. Then came the words..as that son-of-a-##### dangled the foreskin in midair.."anybody care to go fishing?"
My tongue lodged in my throat..I felt like I was about to vomit. I restrained myself..and my duty was to then take the infant back to the nursery for 'observation.' Here is where I realized I couldn't do it. I could not be a part of such a cold, sterile, out-of-touch medical model...Rather than observing, I cradled the infant...I held him and whispered comforting words as if he were my own...I'll never forget those new little eyes watch me as if in a haze...he knew I cared about him...he knew he was safe in my arms..he knew that I was going to take him to his mommy...but, deep in his little heart, at some level, I know he wondered where his mommy was.....while he lay there mutilated in what was supposed to be a safe and welcoming environment. I made a note in the chart and then caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror...my chest and face had broken out in purple splotches. My next thought? I can't do this...I refuse to do this...this is NOT for me. I took the baby to his mother..who was complaining about 'some pain' she was experiencing...I never addressed her pain because I left to go to my locker..I grabbed my belongings..and hoped that my rejection of this 'medical system' could serve as some type of redemption for the violation of that newborn that I cradled in my arms that day. The next day, I withdrew from nursing school...and never looked back.
PLEASE DO post this wherever you can...this is an experience that will never leave my psyche and a baby that I'll never ever forget...and I want it out in the open...I am posting it wherever I can and will look into joining the group...thanks for the info.