Hi, my name is Marie and I am not sure if anyone here has ever had any experience with teen pregnancy but I need some help, support, whatever. I have not been able to find much help online and I live in a small town and there is not much here either. I am the mother of three, my oldest is 16. She just had a baby and things at our house have been crazy as you can imagine. When she first got pregnant at 15, I felt as if my child had died. I had never been so hurt or angry. My husband, who adopted her at 6 felt even worse if that is possible because he thought he could make a difference in her life by being her dad. Well, our first thought even though we are Christians was abortion. Make it go away. Of course we never went that route thank God. Anyway, our next choice was adoption. Well she has refused to listen to anything we have said. We sent her to a maternity home in Louisiana, there is not one here unless you are specifically doing adoption. She got there and refused to even hear about adoption. She cried every day and begged till I brought her home. Now the baby is here and things are just crazy. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old of my own and the last thing we wanted or needed in our home was another baby. She had to quit school and has just taken the GED. I wanted her to have a future and go to college. Now she can't even find a job. I can't afford to get her a car, so she will have to work and then try to go back and take some college classes. The father is 20 and the only reason he is not in prison is because I knew she would need financial help and because he swore to me and my husband that he wanted to help raise this baby. Well, he does pay his $250 a month that I had my employer/attorney get an order for. He took so long to come and sign the papers to get her birth certificat so we sent them in with her last name and if he wants it changed he will now have to hire an attorney. I don't think he is ever going to be much of a daddy to her. I just wanted what was best for her and my daughter. That is why I thought adoption was best. Kayla is still trying to act like a troubled 16 year old. She never cleans her room much less any of the rest of the house. She holds that baby non stop. I have tried to suggest ways to get her down on her own, she refuses to listen. We had a blow out the other day and she called me awful names and said she wants to be emancipated and move out. I don't want her to do that because I know that as little as I can help, no one else will care the way I do. Sorry so long, if anyone has a clue what I am going through, please email me at marie@harlowlawfirm.com. Thanks.

Marie Martin

Hey Marie, You know Im not a mother nor do I have any experiance in this at all, but I did read your post and you know I think the best thing for you is to let her see how hard it is with out you, teenagers are just that way they think they know it all.. trust me that is why I am living with my boyfriend (since 17.)

My parents tried to tell me the life I was living wasnt right and that I needed to change, all I heard was "Blah blah blah your OUR KID and you do what WE SAY." I shot out of there and moved out on my own, HA-HA little did I know how hard life would be.
Dish is dirty, no daddy to clean it up, tummy is hungry, no daddy to fill it up I wanna go somewhere, no daddy to provide a ride and 20 bucks...
Sounds like she thinks shes an adult just because she had a child, untrue, I know a couple teen-moms that still act like children.
I think you should be stern and sit her down and tell her how you feel.
Let her know that if she wants to act like this you will let her go out on her own and see how the world is. But remember to tell her how much you care. Then let her make her decision.

About that father??
$250. is that enough? If your wondering what Im poking at, Jail or pay? which is more important to the guy?

Well Good luck my thoughts are withyou, I hope everything turns out ok.

I have tried to tell her that it wont be like she thinks it is. She can't hear anything I am telling her. If things don't improve soon, I guess I will have to let her go to my mothers and she will find out. I love her and the baby, but I have to also think of my two little ones. They need me in one piece and sane. I know what you mean about the $250 but he does not have a stable job, he works for his dad. We could not get a larger amount without having a draft from his employer, which is not going to happen. He has no drivers lisence because of 2 DUI's so he cant get a vehicle or another job. He quit school and does not have a GED either. It just gets better and better, huh. Anyway, we cant really put him in jail at this point for the Statutory charges because we waited so long, no judge is going to do that. But I do make sure that he knows if he misses one child support payment I will be pressing charges. By the way, he got another girl who is 16 pregnant while Kayla was pregnant and gone to the maternity home. Now this girl is having a baby in Jan. How does that sound. And she forgives him. He made a mistake. Ha Ha. She does not hear anything I say. She says she does. She agrees with me at the time, like when I tell her that the fact that they don't have a phone is no excuse for him not to call and check on the baby. He has to have some way to get to a phone, or he can walk. I would walk to check on mine. I just don't understand it. Anyway, thanks for the advice and for listening.

Marie

Hello again Marie,

This father of the child sounds like a real peice of work, your right probably not much you can do in any effort to better his support, plus really thats between your daughter and him. Can't force a parent to be a good one right?

But your daughter you can try to, I know what your going through with her,
in one ear and out the other... the reason I know this well is like I mentioned before I was a reble child and did the same thing, I pushed and pushed and finally I pushed my way out the door.

The best thing for her is to go see how it is. I think your totally in the right for putting your younger ones ahead of your daughter, if she isnt listing to you and making things all that more difficult on you there is no reason to attempt to keep her around especially if she wishes to get out. The only way she will see the light is for her own eyes to see.

I'm pleased to hear she will be going to your mothers at least there you will be able to check in on her and she will be safe..

Keep me updated, and have a very merry chirstmas..

Enjoy your family, they are precious

Well, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Ours was good I guess but crazy. The baby, Trista had to go to the ER Friday morning and they sent her home. Kayla took her again on Saturday morning and they tested her for RSV and it was positive. They sent her home again. So that night my husband took them and they admitted her to the hospital. She is doing better but I am so mad. I have never heard of them sending a 7 week old infant home with a positive RSV test and such severe coughing and congestion like she had. She could not eat or anything. My daughter Tori, who is 3 has severe bronchitis and probably would be in the hospital if we had not been down this road so many time with her and kind of knew what to do to keep it at bay. And I have been sick all weekend so I could not even go to the hospital to see about the baby or take very good care of Tori. My husband has helped thank goodness. Anyway, the father of the baby has yet to come to the hospital to see her. He could not come Saturday night because he did not have a ride, he has no drivers lisence as I said before. So Sunday, his mom was suppose to bring him. She slept til 3:00 and that is why he had not been there earlier. Then I call Kayla to see if he ever showed and he said that his brother in laws truck broke down so they could not bring him. WHat! I thought his mom was coming to see about her GRANDCHILD that she was so adamant about not being given up for adoption. They refused to even consider it. But look at how they are acting now. If he were a real dad, he would walk to get there to see about his baby. I have had it with him. And Kayla is mad at us because she had wanted to go see him Saturday in our vehicle, this was before the baby got put in the hospital. I refused. I told her that we were not going to keep making things easy for him. We have let her a couple of times. We are not going to do it anymore. If he wants to see her, he will find a way. So now it is our fault if he never gets to see his child. She makes excuses for him and we get all the blame. I could choke his eyes out sometimes. And he could not come this week because he has to work, which I understand, but RSV can be serious. She was in like the critical part of the Pediatric floor. She got moved today because she is less serious and they have so many cases. But she is still pretty sick. Anyway, just venting this morning. Hope everyone else had a better holiday.

Marie