i need advice, please help. i just found out i am pregnant. should be estactic right? well there's a bunch of complications. one is the father, my boyfriend says we cant afford a baby right now, he wants me to have an abortion. i do see his point. i can barely afford rent now and he has three kids with his ex. then my family would kill me, or disown me. then my church would look down on me. also my man said that he would have to leave me and go back with his ex if i kept the baby. reason being, it would be easier for him to pay child support on one kid then on three kids. so if i keep the baby i loose him, my family, finacial problems and my life changes. but i cant imagine killing a baby. i am against abortion. so i have no idea what to do? he wants me to have the abortion, he said he would be right here for me and that life would go back to normal afterwards but i dont think so. i think for me it would have changed forever. please help.

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angel

Love, I am so sorry that you have found yourself in a situation like this. But believe me when I say that your child is the positive light in all of this. I don't want to seem as if I am giving biased information. I realize that you may be looking at it from only what you have to lose. Finanically it may be hard. You may have people walk out of your life. But think of what you have to gain. The bond between a mother and child is one of the greatest gifts of life. And you say that you are in church so that must mean that you have faith. Be strong in your faith and remember that God takes care of his own. Put your life and your child's life in his hands and don't look back. And any father that would walk out on his child is only a sperm donor anyway. And if he will walk out of your life too so be it. It means that he is not right for you. There are ways to handle your finances, If you wanna talk privately I'll be more than happy. But please do not let this man make the decision of whether your child should live or die.

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Melanie
25 Loving Mommy to Julian Malachi

i want this baby more than anything. but i love tj (the father) and i dont want to loose him. but i see what he means by he cant afford it. if his ex finds out im pregnant she will hit him with child support for three kids. right now, he doesnt have to pay child support he just helps out whenever he can. but if i keep it, in order to avoid that he will go back with her so he will only pay one kid child support. but i want him, not just child support. i wanted to move into his new home and actually be a family and he says he wants that too but he wont be able to afford it.

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angel

I understand what you mean, but it seems as if you are putting him before the life of your child. You are two working parents, if he is hit with child support, aren't you still gonna work? It's do-able. It will take hard work and dedication though. If he leaves you during hard times ( I mean you didn't make the baby alone) then how good of a life partner will he make? For better or worse right?

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Melanie
25 Loving Mommy to Julian Malachi

Im really sorry you are having a tough time right now, but I was in your exact same shoes 5 years ago. I to am against abortion (for me), but did contemplate it when I found myself pregnant. I already had one child and we were struggling...I thought how can I manage another child? The father also was NOT happy he has 3 other kids and having another child was not in the picture. I finally had to make the decision that was right for me. I know this feels like an impossible situation....but nothing is impossible...there is so much help out there for you. My situation even got more sticky when at 17 weeks I found out it was twins. 5 years later I cant imagine my life without them. Their father hasnt been in their life, but that was his choice and their life was my choice. Hun...you do what is right for you....no pressure...ok?

Take Care!!!

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I'm sorry you're going through this situation. In no way am I going to condem you as I know what heartsearching you must be doing right now. No situation can justify the termination of an innocent child. I am totally against abortion. I too am going through a similar situation Neither my BF or I are married or have other children but at the moment we are seperated and he is being a total jerk. I would never even contimplate getting rid of my unborn son! I am ready to raise him on my own and that is what I have decided. This child deserves to live and will be a blessing for you and if you are unable to care for it others I'm sure will be honoured to raise it! Help is out there please talk to someone before you decide.

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I'm sorry to hear that your bf is putting you in a tough situation. If he doesn't want you to hae the baby and is essence threatening to leave you then he truly doesn't love you. If he didn't want anymore kids he should have gotten fixed. Your family (I think) will stick by you. They may get upset over the situation but your their cchild having their grandbaby, they will come around. God luck in your decision.

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I love my

I think if he wants to make you chose between your child and your relationship with him, he isn't worth your time and energy and love. Your child (once born) will always come first if you are anything like me. It isn't easy, but it's always worth it. They are amazing and your choices make them who they will be. If you don't think you can deal with a baby on your own, or choose to keep the relationship, I think you should seriously consider adoption. There are so many people out there that would love the baby, no matter what the parents are like, what problems occur, how hard it is, etc. They would love the opportunity to love that baby. I'm not condemning you in any way, I just feel that the baby exists already and abortion should not be used as birth control like your boyfriend seems to want.

This is another point I'd like to show you about your relationship. It appears that his ex has a lot of control over his life. What is to stop her from filing for child support ANY time something happens between the two of you (or between him and anyone, about anything) that she doesn't like? At some point, the threat will become reality, whether it is now about the baby or later about something else. What if you want to marry? She won't allow that without the threat. Same if you move in together. The list can go on and on. She is using their children and child support as a control point, and he is allowing it, and by playing into the system the two of them have you are also allowing it. At some point he is going to feel the need to go back to her. I think your relationship has been doomed from the start. I'm sorry, but from what you wrote, it seems like it was done before it ever even started, no matter what you feel for him. If he truly loves you he would not ask you to choose, or tell you he'll leave you for her for ANY reason.