I'm New to the board and need some HELP!

[Kiika]

Hello my name is Erika,my husband and I are both 24 years old and have been married for 8 months. Last month I found out I was pregnant with our first child. I was the happiest woman on earth, my husband also seemed so happy about it too, but for whatever reason everything has changed since then. My husband has been so distant towards me. We haven't had sex in about 2 weeks going on 3. He no longer kisses me, hugs me or cuddles with me like he used to. Before I found out I was expecting we used to have a active sex life. We would have sex everyday! I am feeling so depressed ,sad,very very lonely and unloved. I cry all the time and just don't know what to do. He makes me feel as though he no longer wants me, as if he resents me and the baby for no reason. I understand we were not excepting to get pregnant so soon in our marriage but we also didn't do anything to prevent getting pregnant. I have even thought that maybe he is cheating on me? I've tried to talk to him many times and we always just end up fighting, and yet after telling him how I feel he keeps ignoring me. I don't know what to do or what to think anymore. My body is going through so much already and he is just adding stress I don't need. Is it me? Am I over reacting. He keeps asking for "time" . How much time does he need?....

[jmw07]

hmm.. wow. This is only a guess because I don't know your husband and can't read his mind, but sometimes I think guys have a hard time adjusting to new ideas. He's probably used to seeing you as this sexy, hot woman he can't keep his hands off, but now you're carrying his child and he may be thinking of you as a mom, or thinking of the child you're carrying and having a harder time getting "revv'ed up" for loving, know what I mean? I think its important to keep open communication without pushing him, but I now that may not be easy to do. Chances are he does just need some time to get used to this new development and things will get better soon.. just try not to make them worse in the meantime! Hope that helps!

[OllieBiscuit]

Hi! I'm really just a lurker on this board, but your post caught my eye.

I'm sorry you're going through this!! I went through the same thing with my 2nd pregnancy. It was NOT FUN!!! In fact, it was miserable. The most miserable time of my life.

I really wish I had some magical words of wisdom. I don't. I just really wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

He could be acting that way for any number of reasons. He could be scared, mad, he might be thinking of you in a different way (now that you're carrying his child), he might be scared to have sex with you (men have many strange thoughts when their wife is pregnant!), he could be cheating, he might just need time to adjust, he might not know what's expected of him or what to say.

All that being said, he needs to accept it, deal with it, and be there for you and the baby.

Just keep trying to talk to him. He might resist, but keep trying. Ask him to attend some marriage counseling with you. Tell him how you are feeling. Be open and honest with him and ask him how he's feeling. If he talks, really really listen to him.

Some tips I learned from my own marriage counseling...if he starts to talk (or if you're arguing) never say "You do this" and "You do that". Instead say "I feel that you do this" and "it upsets me when you do that." Make your statements about you and how you feel. Don't accuse or attack. When he talks, let him finish his sentence, listen and hear him, and then rephrase and repeat it back to him so that he knows you get it. "So, you're saying that you're scared because this was unexpected." Something like that.

I KNOW that you feel like YOU aren't the one who needs to make the effort. I know, I've been there. But to save your marriage, that's sometimes what it takes.

Good luck to you!!!!

[AmyAugTwins]

First off, Hi Erika!!! Congrats and welcome to the board, BOTH of you and what Jill and Ollie said makes sense. Men are just really different. He might feel like since your pregnant now that he might hurt the baby in a way. I know that sounds lame, but it DOES goes through most men's minds at one time or another.

He doesn't know what to expect of you now that your pregnant either. He's probably heard enough things about how women change and are moody during pregnancies and maybe he's just laying back a little bit to see how you are feeling.

But then again, on the flip side...there is NO reason for him to not wanna kiss, cuddle, hold, hug and all that other stuff that shows affection just as well as actually having sex.

I sure hope it's just a phase that he's going through and you both can get back on the same page.

So happy that you posted here. Would love to keep up with you through your pregnancy. Anything you wanna discuss, comment on, ask or whatever...PLEASE DO!!!

[Kiika]

Thnx for the replies. I just needed to get that off my chest. I guess I should give him time... Amy; I will be posting on the board more often and keeping you updated. I have been coming to this board for a few weeks just never posted. I finally joined when I found out I was pregnant. Thnx again!

[AmyAugTwins]

You are so welcome!! Looking forward to seeing you post alot more and becoming a "regular" here with us!! Take care hon and good luck!!

[missus.mint]

what all the ladies said ... hearing you're going to be a parent before you really planned on it can be a little mind blowing. Give him some time and eventually you two will be able to talk about it. Just hang in there!

And BTW, congrats!!!