Okay I am having a horribly awful dreadful day. I was up most of last night holding and staring at Colby and dreading this morning. I cried getting ready this morning from 530 on. Everytime I walked by him and looked at him I would cry. Daddy went upstairs to get Shelby up and when he brought her down she said "mama mama" (which she has said every morning) I lost it again. When I dropped them off at my moms I cried. I cried all the drive to work. I cried when I got here. I called home about 12 times today and cried for almost all of them. I HATE THIS!!
We are trying to arrange things financially so I can stay home, but in the meantime this is tearing my heart out. I have to pump breast milk at work and that sucks. I cannot concentrate on anything here....my mind is at home with my children.