Alice and I had talked lots of the birth. I was so excited that she had asked me to be there. Watching my Grandson join us in this world was going to be the greatest blessing in my life. During the pregnancy, her relationship with Geoff was solid but peppered with stupid incidents on his behalf. I felt for my daughter, only 16 and bearing so much and her unworldly shoulders. I did the only thing that a Mother could - stood behind her and encouraged her to be strong. Probably the hardest thing that was thrown at us both during this pregnancy, was her moving in with Geoff and his family. We both felt a little lost that day. I understood why she had to go. I understood why my husband had taken a court order out on this man, this boy who had violated our home and smashed it up with such little care for our family and I understood that this option was the only one left for Alice but I hated everyone that was a part of it. I hated Geoff for his behavior, I hated John for hating Geoff and I hated Geoff's Mum more than anything because my daughter and my first Grandchild were being loved by her and cared for by her and the thought made me physically sick.

'I'll take care of them' Celine had said. And I had smiled and thanked her but I had hated her so much. The baby shower was beautiful. But watching my beautiful daughter turn up excited in Geoff's Mum's car was difficult. Never mind, I had dealt with worse in my life, so I smiled through it. I had predicted that it would be hard beforehand and had taken friends with me. I was beginning to realize that I would need my friends to carry me through this journey and beyond.

When Alice was 38 weeks pregnant I think, I took her to the Maternity Unit to look around. I don't know if I mentioned at the time but Geoff's Mum came with us. We had been just about to leave to go when Celine had said - 'Oh, I would love to come too.' and I had smiled and shown her to my car, laughed and joked with her on the journey, but how I hated her. Silly huh? At the Unit I asked about me coming to the birth and the midwife said that people were welcome to attend.

'That's good' said Celine. And suddenly, for the first time it crossed my mind that she might want to attend the birth too. But I smiled and said nothing. What could I say?

Two days later I was driving Alice somewhere and she turned to me and asked 'Mum - how would you feel if Celine came to the birth?' I had my answer ready. I had thought of nothing else since that day at the birthing unit 'This is your birth. You have who you want there.' but that is not what came out.

'I have to be honest.' I said 'It would break my heart. I feel like now that you live with Celine, she will see you and Tyler all the time, I feel like this is the last thing that we will get to do together as mother and daughter before you embark on motherhood yourself. I feel awkward around Celine, it would be hard for me if she were there. But you know what Sweetie - this is your birth. If you want people there I will cope.'

And I hated myself for saying the truth. Alice didn't mention it again and neither did I. A healthy baby is what matters right? Not the emotional rantings of a distressed Grandma.

Fast forward to labor day.

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iPregnant
Due on January 27th

It had been a difficult 10 days. Every twinge, every moment of waiting I had wished that my daughter were home with me. Every moment past her due date was a moment of anticipation. I finally got a text message about 10pm on January 2nd…
“Hey Mum. Having painful cramps. Is it labor”

I rang immediately and we talked. It was labor. I would jump in the car and be there in five minutes. I was so excited! This was it!!!!

When I arrived Alice was on the bed in her room smiling away. She was having contractions 7 minutes apart and despite saying that they really hurt, I could tell that they didn’t really. She was still talking and laughing through them. I figured that this would be a long while and settled on the bed with her to chat about the impending birth and check that she had remembered everything. Geoff bounced on the birth ball and Celine sat on the floor. Every now and then Grandma or one of the cousins would appear. I think that there were about 13 people there at the house. Alice was very sick about 11pm. After she felt exhausted and asked that we all leave her so she could sleep for a while. I followed Geoff’s Mum to the lounge and felt a little uncomfortable. I struggled to make conversation, but probably less so than she did. We were both relieved I think when 15 minutes later there was lots of commotion down the hall. We went to check and Alice was throwing up in a bin. She was having a contraction and it lasted ages. Immediately after another one followed. No smiling now she was fearful and working with her body to cope. I decided to time them and see what was happening. They were 3 minutes apart and lasted between 1 min 10 and 2 min 30. By 11:50pm she was finding things too hard so I phoned the labor ward to say that we were coming in. The midwife said stay at home and take paracetamol. I said that Alice wasn’t coping now and that the contractions were just 3 minutes apart. Plus she was vomiting continuosly so a pill wouldn’t help. The midwife retorted that they were busy – this was Alice’s first baby and it would just be early labor. Stay at home as even if we came in they would not have a room for us. I asked when we should come in. ‘When they are 5 minutes apart for an hour.’ I was told. ‘They are 3 minutes apart and very strong’ I replied, annoyed because she knew that. ‘Take a pill and stay home’ Not a good start!

I timed them for another 10 minutes. They had been 3 minutes apart for an hour now and getting progressively stronger in intensity. I phoned back to say that we were coming in. ‘You will get sent home because she is in early labor’ said the midwife. Yeah right!

‘The car is ready.’ I said to Alice.
‘Don’t worry’ said Celine ‘Herbert will take us and drop us all off.’ Right then, with that sentence, with those words, I knew that she was coming too. I took a deep breath and found strength so that I could do this for my daughter. This was not about me, it was about Alice. I squeezed Celine’s hand with excitement. ‘We are going to have a baby today!’ I smiled.

We got to the hospital at about 1:30am and we were greeted by a very panicked receptionist. She phoned through to delivery ‘We have a woman here in strong labor, you need to get here quick.’ Standing upright to walk to the delivery area now meant that Alice’s contractions were right on top of each other. There was no break at all. Rather sweetly Alice stood leaning forward on Geoff, Celine stood behind massaging Alice’s back. I was proud of my daughter but unable to reach her through the sea of support that others were offering. It took 30 minutes to clear us a room in triage! No pain relief is available down there but Alice seemed calmer to have a room and a midwife. She was still being sick at least once every 10 minutes. The midwife checked her and she was 6cm. We discussed pain relief options but were reminded that she had to wait to get into a delivery room beforehand. I massaged Alice’s legs and told her how great she was doing but she looked quite scared now.

It was 2:30am by the time we got a room and Alice tried the gas for a few contractions. It really helped but then she started gagging and vomiting with every contraction. She couldn’t use the gas as she was too sick to keep the mouth piece in. Every contraction she would lean forward either on Geoff or me. She was finding it increasingly difficult. By 3:30 the only communication that we got was the word ‘Epidural’ screamed through each contraction. She had the epidural at 4:30 and immediately went to sleep, along with Geoff who took up bed space in the Lazyboy armchair. She was still being woken through the contraction peaks so the midwife gave her a big top up at 6am. Alice’s contractions stopped almost completely. They petered off to about 15 minutes apart and barely showed on the monitor. ‘Never mind’ said the midwife ‘That is what we want from an epidural.’
‘Will she dilate?’ I asked.
‘No, not with contractions that weak.’ Said the midwife. She seemed very happy that Alice had gone to sleep and told us she was finishing shift in an hour and a half. I was pleased about that! Five minutes before she got off shift she gave Alice Pitocin to try to start the contractions again but it didn’t seem to be working.

The next midwife was lovely but the handover took a while and it was about 8am before she was able to actively work with us. Her first question ‘Why does your daughter have an epidural and no catheter?’ I don’t know. She put one in. Then she realised that the line of Pitocin in Alice’s hand was not in a vein. Her wrist was badly swollen. No wonder she still wasn’t getting contractions! She sorted these things out and checked Alice’s dilation. 10 cm!!!!! We were all so excited and woke Alice up to tell her. They wanted to wait until 9am to get Alice’s contractions back properly.

9:30 and we started pushing but Alice could feel nothing. It was funny because lying on her back she looked barely pregnant. Her bump had deflated completely and her belly button was back. We all laughed about this, he must be right down in the birth canal! This would be quick if we could get her pushing right! After about 10 contractions the midwife asked us to stop. Alice’s contractions were still very muted by the epidural and she needed to turn the epi down and the pitocin up. Also his head was deflexed slightly presenting a larger area than she would have liked. Alice stopped reluctantly. The Charge Nurse (head midwife) came in and introduced herself. She took one look at Alice and said ‘Oh my, the baby looks very small, you have no bump.’ We pointed out that she did have until about an hour ago, but she wanted a good feel to check his size. She said that he was a very small baby and might need assistance at birth because he wouldn’t be able to regulate his body temperature. All of a sudden there was a lot of activity and everyone seemed worried. Our midwife however was unconcerned. ‘He’s not small, don’t worry’ she said reassuringly. I trusted her. At 11:30 the OB came in, a lovely lady, coincidentally from the town that I was born in, in England! She was concerned that Alice had been pushing for two hours, to which our midwife explained that she hadn’t, we had to stop because her contractions were weak. Then I heard them discussing Tyler’s heart rate. He wasn’t handling the contractions. ‘It’s because he is too small’ the OB said.

I was starting to worry and I just wanted him out. At 11:37am the contractions were finally strong enough to start pushing again and the midwife repositioning Alice had helped Tyler’s heartbeat improve. The epidural had run out and Alice now had enough sensation to know when she was having a contraction so the green light was given. We woke up Geoffrey and got into position. I held Alice’s left leg as she had no feeling at all on that side and her right leg was put in a stirrup. Alice did so well pushing but the progress was very slow. The OB came in and out and tutted lots because she was concerned that he wasn’t moving down. She mentioned that they would do a Vacuum delivery if Alice couldn’t make progress soon. But Alice was progressing, our midwife could see it. Each contraction she gave three pushes and each time he came down a tiny bit more. Finally at midday the specialists left us alone as they could see Alice was doing so well. At 12:37 Tyler’s head ‘popped’ out and then a minute later the rest of him followed. He cried immediately, I was already crying so I cried some more . They lay him on Alice’s bare chest and we all got to check him out and see how beautiful he was.

‘That.’ Said the midwife ‘Is not a small baby! He has a huge head!’ We were all so relieved.

I am a Grandma!!!! The mother of a mother!

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iPregnant
Due on January 27th

It feels selfish now to bring this story back to me, but without these words, for me this story is incomplete. I was the first to cuddle Tyler after Alice (Geoff was too nervous) and the whole birth had been so special and emotional for me. I was also very tired. They were putting on Tyler’s name tags when Geoff’s Mum noticed that the phone number and address were wrong. Alice no longer lived with me. They returned with new ones and looking at the little tags with my details on broke my heart. They were discarded in the bin, I could see them there amidst the blood and bandages and it cut me like a knife. From that moment I struggled emotionally. Celine received phone call after phone call from her relatives congratulating her on the birth. My phone stayed silent. John, still too bitter about this whole thing to care, I felt so alone. I wanted to tell everyone, get lots of congratulation too, so I phoned some friends. When I returned Celine was holding a brown bag.

‘What’s in the bag?’ I laughed ‘lunch?’
‘It’s the placenta. We are taking it home.’

Why did it bother me? Why was I hurt that they hadn’t asked me if our family wanted it? We didn’t. I just felt that it was my daughter’s body, that this was more part of me than it was of her. It hurt so bad.

From this point I struggled emotionally. Geoff and his Mum took hundreds of pictures of each other holding the baby. I had no one to share this excitement with me. My phone stayed silent and I hated John more with every phone call they received. I asked Geoff to take some pics of me and Tyler and he took one (the one I posted) but got distracted. I didn’t like to ask again. I cuddled Tyler and hugged Alice and then Geoff’s Mum had a cuddle and I knew I was going to cry. I quickly mumbled something about getting a cup of tea and I left the room. Once outside I fled with fear. I ran to the lift, I ran down the corridor, I ran outside, all the time crying so much I could barely breathe. I was so angry with myself for getting like this and I promised myself that I would only take a moment and then stop being so stupid and return to my beautiful clever daughter and my handsome Grandson. I washed my tired, tear stained face and returned to the delivery suite. Alice asked if I had been crying, I told her of course I had, I had just seen my Grandson born and I was crying with happiness. I helped Alice get comfortable and latch Tyler on, she was stitched up at this point but too numb to feel anything. Then Tyler was weighed and measured – all of us astounded that he was 9lb 2ozs. How wrong they had been to worry! I checked over every inch of him. He was so perfect. Such a doll. I couldn’t believe how much he felt like my baby. At one point I almost wanted to walk out the door with him, I wouldn’t have of course but I wanted to have him to myself for a bit – it felt like it was just him and me as I held him at that point. I shed a silent tear as I thought of how this had all started and my pain because I wanted him so badly. I was proud that Alice and Geoff had made the right decision.

I can’t really remember what was said but Celine and Geoff were talking and I knew that I was going to break down and cry. I gave Alice a huge hug, sobbing now and said ‘Baby, I am very, very tired and I should go get showered and hug the little ones at home. Do you mind if I get John to pick me up?’

‘Are you ok Mum, you look so sad?’ she asked and I stared into her beautiful brown eyes and said ‘Baby I miss you so bad, it will break my heart to walk out this room and leave you here.’

Celine walked over and reassured me. ‘Claire, you are welcome in my house anytime. You and your family. Day or night.’

I appreciate that but sadly my husband hates me going there with the kids. Every time I visit it causes arguments. John doesn’t feel safe enough for the kids to be around Geoff. John will not forgive. He will not forget.

John picked me up from the hospital at about 4pm. I sobbed for the next 2 hours, angry at myself, hoping and praying that I hadn’t upset my daughter, angry at John for not once asking me how it was. For not asking me what he could do to make it better. For not caring about what my Grandson weighed or how he came to be. I almost left that night and booked into a motel. I have never felt so truly alone with John.

I went back to visit her at he birthing unit after a couple of hours and Jake, Scarlett and Amelie met their nephew for the first time. I got some lovely pictures. I will post them when I have the energy.

Alice is s trooper! Tyler is feeding well and Alice is bubbly and happy and enjoying every moment with her new born.

I am so excited that he is finally here!

I know that I will get through this and many may think me silly for being so emotional. Buy hey, as my therapist says - there is no such thing as a wasted tear!

Thank you fore reading!

Claire xxx

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iPregnant
Due on January 27th

Oh, Claire...I'm tearing up reading your story. I wish I lived on your side of the earth and so would have loved to call you to hear how everything went.

Don't be mad at yourself for your emotions. You held it together much better than most people would have. You are such a strong mother and, now grandmother. Alice sounds like she did amazingly and that is a reflection on YOU.

Maybe a talk with John will help him to start to forgive. (My DH also never forgets anything and once you lose his trust, you won't earn it back.) If he sees how you are struggling with this, hopefully he will come around.

Congratulations on your amazing grandson and your amazing daughter.

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Carey said it all perfectly!

Congrats on your grandson, and I pray that all of you come together somehow. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. As I was reading your story I had a flash of what it may be like to have to share my daughter's birth with her inlaws, to have another mother taking care of my little girl, and it HURTS to even think of it!!! I wish I could have been there with you, and I think we all would have called to congratulate you on your new arrival!!!!!!

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Oh Claire, I teared up too. I agree with the others. I am so sorry that you're having to go through this... what a difficult position to be in. I know how much you want to be a part of Alice and Tyler's day to day life. Rest assured that you are Alice's mother, and she will always love you and need you. Celine will never ever take your place. Little Tyler will know you and love you very much too.

You are a strong woman Claire. You'll get through this and will help Alice through it all too. You have such a strong bond with her. I'm sure she wants you to be as much a part of her life as you do.



Congrats Grandma! Congrats to Alice too, and lots of hugs to your gorgeous grandson.

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Missy

Oh Claire! I am so so sorry for you. Mostly b/c John is being so stubborn. He is making me MAD. I mean...I understand. I do. Geoff has been an *** from what I can tell. But that isn't Tyler's fault and I don't want you or John to miss out on that b/c of it. And it sort of sounds like John might be losing more than that opportunity -- he is losing you in a way by not being interested at all.



PS I'd take her up on the offer to be over there whenever. Don't let them push you out of Tyler's life -- on purpose or simply by geography. I am feeling quite territorial for you tonight.

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Carey said it perfectly.

I too was tearing up. Im so sorry you are going through this. I just can't imagine the hurt and the heartbreak. Just remember you have a special bond with Alice. No bond is stronger than a mother/daughter bond. She will call you in need of help or something because you have been guiding her all 16+ years of her life.

Im also upset on how John feels about this. Grr, men.
Sounds like you and Geoffs mom are trying to get along. Id take her up with the visitation. Very nice offer from her.

CONGRATS again on a beautiful, healthy grandson. And CONGRATS to Alice on her baby BOY and on the hard labor. She took it like a pro.

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Rachel
Proud Mother of 2 Boys and a Girl
Isaac David - February 2004
Carson Eli - January 2006
Kianna Rachelle - May 2008





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