On the morning of the induction I was petrified. I had very little sleep that night and I couldn’t shake the memories of my last two difficult births. I was so frightened that I vomited several times, but was able to eat a small breakfast at about 6:30 before we left.

We arrived at the hospital about 7:30 and were shown immediately to our room. About 8:30 the doctors came round and checked me (still just under 3cm and long/firm), they performed another sweep and inserted the first dose of gel. They then attached me to the monitor for 30 minutes which registered mild contractions that I could already feel. After that they said that we could walk around as long as we didn’t leave the hospital building, or we could just hang out in our room.

We waited until they next came in at lunchtime when they decided that considering my ITP blood condition, they would need to insert an IV immediately, in case at any point I needed an urgent transfer. That’s when the fun & games started. The first midwife looked for about 20 minutes to no avail. The second midwife tried for another 20 minutes and stabbed me a couple more times. Then they called the anaesthetist and she looked for around an hour. Eventually they got it in a tiny vein in the side of my hand but warned me that it was only just inside the vein and may well not work. That would not be the end of that problem unfortunately!

They then monitored baby for another hour and by now I was having stronger contractions, most of which I had to breathe through and one doozy of a contraction that knocked me for six!

Baby looked good so they disconnected me and said we should go for a walk. We ate the lunch they bought us then headed off for a stroll around the hospital. My BIL has just had a stroke so we decided to visit him at the other side of the hospital. I had very consistent but bearable contractions during this time, quite a lot that I had to stop walking through.

We got back to the room and by about 4pm the contractions were established and painful and about 5-7 min apart. I started to feel nervous again! No going back now. They checked me again at 6pm but I was still at 3cm, just a little softer and still long. That wasn’t encouraging! The IV in my hand was tender and I felt tearful and tired. The problem was that baby had disengaged from my pelvis and they couldn’t break my waters as there was a risk of cord prolapse.

By 7pm the contractions were hurting. We asked about gas & air and they said it was too early, offering me pethidine instead. I did not want pethidine though so I decided to just cope with breathing and walking. John and I watched films on the laptop and then at about 11pm the contractions started to slow down and ease up. By midnight I was in tears; exhausted, unable to sleep because of nerves and the sporadic contractions and not coping very well. A lovely midwife came in and talked our options over with us. She explained that this could take days and that I needed to sleep, persuading me eventually to take some codeine as that did not pass to the baby so readily. I slept badly for about six hours and only remember being woken by a handful of contractions. I remember she talked about maybe needing to break my waters in the Operating Room as the risk of prolapse was so high for me.

In the morning the contractions were back to the bad Braxton Hicks that I had been experiencing in the days before the induction. I washed showered and ate and then at about 8am they inserted a second dose of the gel. I was still tearful, especially when the OB said that if after 4 dosed of the gel I was not progressing, they would send me home. I felt crushed and deflated by this news. John and I were so shell shocked at the how different this was from our home births. We went for another walk around the hospital about 10am but this time things were markedly different. The contractions were strong and I just wanted to be back in my room. We returned and I lay on the bed with John massaging my back through the contractions. That helped a little. A midwife came in about lunch time and took one look at me before saying ‘Time for the gas I think!’ I was relieved to have it in my hand but didn’t use it yet. They got the doctor to come in and check me. Good news, we could call my midwife to come and break my waters! Baby had moved down and I was now almost 4cm. Woohoo. Now I was petrified!

My midwife arrived about 4pm and I was still clinging on to the gas mouth piece that I hadn’t used yet. 5cm now, but she said that baby was still too high to risk breaking my waters. She tried to flush my IV and said that it was no longer in my vein. Poo. She tried for a while to get a new vein and it was so distressing that I started using the gas for that alone! There was blood everywhere as the IV that she took out would not stop bleeding. After several tries and me almost fainting and throwing up, she called an anaesthetist who could do my epidural at the same time. This one tried everywhere. I was like a pin cushion! No, a fountain as I was spurting ebverywhere! I won’t go into the details as for me this was one of the most upsetting times of the birth, but I ended up with an IV in the right side of my foot which they then bandaged with towels to prevent it being knocked out!

By now, I am in lots of pain and so looking forward to the epidural, when the phone rings.

“Is the other woman urgent? She needs it by five! No, I don’t have time to do this lady first.’

I burst into tears. I just knew that she would go and that I would not get my epidural. I had to have an epidural. I had never had one before but I knew that I had to have one this time! She left promising that she would try to find someone else to do it for me. I had little faith though.

15 minutes later however as I sucked on the gas super hard for an extra ounce of sanity, in walked a lovely man with a very long needle. Epidural in! It would all be fine now! I could do this.

They then decided to move me to a different room and by the time that happened 20 minutes later the contractions were bearable and I could cope without the gas.

New room, happy Mom! The epidural only numbed my right side so they flipped me over. I didn’t care though. Half a labor hurt less than a whole one. Within an hour my right leg was paralysed and I was coping with the stuff that I could feel. Midwife checked me at about 7pm. 7cms, time to break my waters! They needed a second midwife to push the baby down onto the cervix as there was still a risk of prolapse with baby quite high. Waters clear. Gallons of water clear. Yup gallons. Still coming. Changed the bedding several times as I did not stop gushing for ages and the midwife said that I lost at least 3 litres with that initial gush. My tummy suddenly looked tiny and we all joked that baby would be about 2lbs and I was all fluid.

At this point the midwife left to do some paper work and I had an incredibly painful contraction. John panicked and asked if I needed the midwife. I said lets wait and see what the next one was like. It was crushing and I screamed for her myself. She gave me the gas back. ‘Why is my epidural not working? Turn it up!’ I complained.

The midwife said that she couldn’t as I was on the maximum dose for my weight. The next contraction was unbearable. ‘I screamed for them to make it stop. I wanted to not feel the pain. The midwife said that I had to feel pain as I was in labor. To that I told her she was a bloody liar. I watched my daughter give birth with an epidural and she had to be told that she was having a contraction. I did not have to feel pain at all. Not in a hospital. Not this time.

‘You’ll be pushing for hours.’ She retorted.
‘I don’t give a toss if I am pushing for weeks!’ I screamed. ‘Make it stop. I’m frightened.’ And I really was!

Afterwards she explained that my blood pressure had gone too low so they had to turn the epidural right down. I wish that she had told me this at the time as her reasoning just left me frustrated.

The contractions got worse and worse – and so did I – begging John to persuade them to turn it up (he did try bless him). I was generally not coping. A second midwife came in during a particularly evil ‘bone crushing contraction’ and holding my hand said “I think that you need counselling. You are obviously affected by your last birth. You need help.”

‘I need a f**king working epidural you weirdo.’ Or to give birth soon. Either of those would negate the need for an over paid counsellor to tend me. Actually her stupidity helped as it got me through that contraction. By now I was counting dinosaurs. I am sure that there were some in the light panel on the ceiling. Either that or there were screws but I liked to think of them as dinosaurs as the absurdity of it gave me a focus.
‘Close your eyes. It will help.’ said the new dumb stranger, and I did but I missed my prehistoric friends and opened them again to count my way through the Jurassic period.

I am bleeding. There seems to be a small level of concern and without as much as a ‘Can I?’ from the midwife my baby has a monitor attached to its scalp.

Time now passes in a haze and I remember only the pain and my husband and my anger that epidurals are rubbish.

And the dinosaurs.

They appeared with startling ease after I agreed to ‘A little something in my IV’ which turned out to be pethidine.

11pm and midwife declares me 10cm and says I can push with the next contraction. I pushed a little and it helped a little. The next one I pushed harder and it helped a lot more. I was so excited. I had read of women that said the pushing helped with the pain but had never been so lucky myself! Each contraction I pushed myself numb and pink again. After 20 minutes I heard the words “I can see the eyebrows...the nose… heads out….breathe…breathe…don’t push…’ and just as the fear returned with a panic that the shoulders would be stuck again, out plopped my baby. White with vernix and screaming hard.

It was over.

She is beautiful! I was so happy that it was over and that she was her safe and well and I was eternally happy that this would be my last birth.

She has lots of hair and blue eyes (although the eyes might change, I can’t tell this time).

Hazel Amity weighed 9lbs 14oz and is just perfect.

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Here's Hazel...


Scarlett holding Hazel...


Amelie holding Hazel...


Jake holding Hazel...


Alice holding Hazel and the back of my Grandson's head, lol...


Thanks for reading. Sorry about the epic post!

Claire xxx

__________________

Scarlett & Hazel
Sisterhood is love