u/s is a party all of a sudden

carriehall · #1 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 05:10 PM

Huge vent coming.

DH came to my first appointments 2 weeks ago. He was there for the u/s and I thought that was great. He stayed for the appointment after which was good because he helped me answer all the questions about medical history and such... I am already having another u/s and appointment becuase the timing is right for the IPS screening...

So this time I booked the appointments first thing in the morning again but DH isnt coming (I am fine with it he is going to come to the 18 week one when we can find out the sex) So I asked my mom to take me this time and I thought that she would get a kick out of seeing her first grandbaby on the screen, she isnt staying for the appointment but just the us.

The appointment is FIRST THING tomorrow morning.... she is all excited and she calls me just now to ask how many people are allowed in the room. I said I dont know there was only one chair there. THen she says that my brother wants to come, he wants to see his niece or nephew. I was never even going to invite my inlaws to one of these (they are happy with the pictures and I dont think they would even ask)

I dont really like my brother, and justifyably so. I would say he is physically and mentally disabled. He says he has pain in his groin for the past 7 years, he is on disability, lives with my mom, who waits on him hand and foot, he is on narcotic pain meds and sleeps most of the day and i am just not close to him. He had been a HORRIBLE person when I lived there, I was ignored, my mother and I were verbally abused, he used to threaten to commit suicide and blame my mother. She puts him before anyone in the world, gets anything he wants and has ruined tons of family get togethers because he demanded something and she jumped to accomodate him.I am embarassed by his phyical appearance, he showers 2 times a week maybe 3, his hair is a mess he doesnt shave, he weighs 300 pounds and wears shorts and t shirts that show his bare gut

SO my mom didnt call me to say honey I have been talking to your brother and if it is ok with you he would really like to go to an appointment to see the baby sometime. She calls while in his room and didnt ask me (unless you count asking how many can be in the room). So I felt like I had no choice, she would tell me I am a horrible sister and should encourage him because he is taking an interest in things. So she said that if there is only one person allowed and he cant wim with his, i am crippled let me in too, he would go instead of her.

This was supposed to be a bonding experience for me and her and I am so mad that he gets his way again!!! I want to cry I dont feel like I will be comfortable with him there and I dont think he has the right to be there, he hasnt earned it, hasnt done anything to help me and i am just so hurt right now

vent done dont think that I am a horrible person becuase of my opinion of him. THis has been going on for 10 years and my opinion is shared by others that know him

Perfectly*Mixed*Up · #2 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 05:43 PM

Im so sorry. This is YOUR baby and it really isn't about your mother or your brother. I do think that you should have made your wishes known, and told her that he wasn't welcome.
I do hope your appt goes well tomorrow

glittergirl80 · #3 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 05:49 PM

I would be so mad. I would put my foot down. This is your appointment, not anyone else's. Show him some pictures of the u/s.

WadersGurl · #4 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 05:55 PM

I agree! This is your thing girl! You have who you want to have there. Tell your mom that your brother is more than welcome to see u/s pics after the appt.

mama_tobix5 · #5 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 07:49 PM

Oh Carrie,
I feel so bad this exciting experience is turning into a nightmare. it was totally uncalled for that you mother invited ANYONE to the u/s. I would flat out tell her you wanted this special time with her and ONLY her. if she has a problem with that, say I'm sorry, but that is MY decision. She'll be the one who looses out in the end, she'll miss seeing her grandbaby. You are an adult now. You are starting your own family. It is time to be that grown up and speak your mind, no matter how difficult.

Yes, people will say they are family and you have to deal with them, blah, blah, blah.. Let me tell you, I have VERY overbearing parents (dad especially) but I have FINALLY started to stand up to them and I feel so much better when I do.. the guilt sucks at first, but my dad has stopped being so demanding and bossy. He gets pissy and acts like I commited a cardinal sin when I call him out on his behavior, but he eventually gets over it and you know what, if he doesn't oh well! I am the head of THIS family and I will raise my kids as I see fit, not according to the opinions of him.

So there, I answered your rant with a rant of my own. i just hope you do whatever makes YOU happy. I want you to have a HAPPY 9 months, not stressful!!!!

Good luck! I have an u/s tomorrow too!!!!

ladyinsane · #6 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 06:05 AM

I'm sorry!

I don't blame you at all for your feelings, he sounds like an overgrown child. If you can, just try to block him out and focus on your sweet baby

I completely understand how you feel, btw. When I was in labor with DD, I was young and I had my mother (and DH) in the labor room with me, as people say your mother is great support. My mother was AWFUL the entire time. I had hoped for it to be a bonding experience, like you, and I just wanted to kill her.
Hopefully you can enjoy this with your brother there. Remember to KUP! We <3 you!

Ashe · #7 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 06:07 AM

It sucks that it will be a negative experience. Just focus on the u/s screen and the tech and pretend you're all alone!!

amyscott · #8 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 07:34 AM

You should call your mom back and tell her that they will only allow 1 person in the room with you...might be a lie, might not...but at least you wouldn't have to deal with all the other at a time when this is supposed to be about you!!