Our son is 4 and has some "special" needs, he's got a highly functioning type of autism (easiest way to explain it) and we're concerned about how he's going to take to the new baby. His therapists tell us to keep introducing it slowly, change is VERY scary to him, So we have been. We've talked about the baby in Mommy's belly (he talks to it through my belly button), explained that he will be a very "useful engine" (he's a huge Thomas the train fan) and Mommy and Daddy's helper, showed him pictures of other Mommy's with newborn babies so he kind of knows what one looks like and tried to explain he will be a big brother. That part isn't going so well. First he told us he doesn't want to be a big brother, he wants to be a big sister. Once we explained (over and over) that boys can't be big sisters, he told us he doesn't want to be a big brother, he will be a medium brother. Right now we're going with that.
I'm just worried because he's so used to be the one and only and like I said change is really hard for him. And when we've been around my nieces he gets very jealous when I hold one of them. Not mean, just needy.
Just looking at any other suggestions to work with him on this. He's so amazing and such a bundle of love, I just want to make this transition as smooth as we can. I know there will be bumps in the road but he's so special, ya know?

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Richelle
Wife to Ryan
Mommy to Richard (10/9/03)
#2 due 8/9/08

would taking him places to help him see baby stuff and choosing stuff for baby help?

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Never even thought of that! Thanks!

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Richelle
Wife to Ryan
Mommy to Richard (10/9/03)
#2 due 8/9/08

Not sure if it would help or not, but what popped into my mind was maybe getting a baby doll that cries some and letting him help change it's diaper and feed it? Maybe it will help him to adjust to being the helper and not just thinking he will be pushed aside?

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Jen(22)
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Adriana (8/27/08 4:40 a.m.)
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What about setting up some kind of calander or chart or something so he can keep track of the baby's growth, or a countdown to August or something. Maybe you could talk to him about what newborns are like every two weeks or something for now, then make it a weekly thing as your due date gets closer. That way, he might be able to anticipate the baby's arrival a little better, and it won't be such a shock. Not sure exactly how you would do it, but creating some sort of visual for him might be helpful! Good luck!

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do any of your friends have babies you can take him around?
so he can see a baby and get used to the noise? I have met some autistic kids who have some issue's with loud noises.. I am not sure how your son is..?

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No advice, but just some encouragement. A good friend of mine has a son the same age as mine (10) who has Aspergers syndrome, and she was worried over the same issues when she was pregnant with her second child (now 6). Her son was jealous around other babies, but took to being a big brother like a champ! She was very pleasantly surprised, because after months of worrying about how he'd adjust, he loved being a big brother and was very helpful and a bit possessive of the baby. He's now the oldest of 4, and is really great with his younger siblings.

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Thanks for the positive encouragement! He's very loving and tenderhearted so we're kind of thinking once everything happens and he adjusts it will go well. We just have to do a little more preparing I think than "usual", I just appreciate all the suggestions. It gives me something to think about and different ideas to work with!

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Richelle
Wife to Ryan
Mommy to Richard (10/9/03)
#2 due 8/9/08

My first son has down syndrome so we had similar issues when I got pregnant with my 2nd. We bought him his own baby and all the little fun things to go with it. We made the baby a part of our everyday routine and we would even let him take it with us. He liked to throw it a lot but eventually he understood about being gentle ect. He was also 4 at the time. Needless to say he was thrilled when his little bother arrived. I worried about how he would cope for 9 months and he did absolutely fine.

Now I will add that my second son who is now 4, (in the picture below with his baby sister) also has mild autism. When I got pregnant with my 3rd and 4th we did little things to get him ready, but just as my first son, he was thrilled when the baby came home. If anything he was almost too excited that I would worry he would try to pick up the baby (which he never did) LOL
He has done great accepting his younger siblings and now i don't even think of it. He knows mommy has a baby in her belly and he likes to talk to my belly and tells everyone there is a baby in there!

If you ever want to chat just PM me {HUGS} Good Luck with everything

I have a friend who bought her son a doll and stroller to help him prepare for the new baby to come. Does he watch movies? I would assume there are some movies about this that you could get. From my own experience... Coleton will be 4 a few days after the new baby comes. Even in general conversation with him these days, he often says that he does not want to grow up. When I ask him things like "do you want to be big like Daddy someday", he actually says that he does not want to grow up and he wats to stay little. I think those comments are normal at this age. I've told Coleton that no matter what, he will always be my baby and he will always be special because he was my first baby. Now he often says "am I still your baby?" I think they just need reassurance at this age that you'll always love them like you do now. I also prepared Coleton for the new baby by just having a huge stash of things to occupy him when the new baby came home. I know they still need atention and we were lucky that DH could take 4 weeks off to really help w/ Coleton while I took care of O, but there are also times where you just physicaly cannot give both attention and the little one wins out so it was nice to have a stash of new movies, coloring books, stickers, toys, etc that I could pull out when needed.

GOOD LUCK. He sounds super sweet and I'm sure it will all go much smoother than you think!

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Amy
Wife to Todd
Mama to Coleton, Olivia, and
Angel Baby Isabella - born to Heaven 4/1/2008


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